April
2009
By Douglas Kent,
Email: doug of
whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld
of yahoo.com
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com
– or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the Diplomacy World
website at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for
official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his
available merchandise! Links to all of
the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button
in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or http://www.guysexplained.com where
women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the
way they do.
All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged
to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/
to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.
Quote Of The Month – “You looked happy; happy with a secret.” (Ralph in “Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind”)
Welcome to Eternal Sunshine,
the only Diplomacy zine to correctly predict Arizona would make it to the Super
Bowl. Well, I didn’t predict it – Jack
McHugh did in his column – but that’s close enough for me. This issue is going to be a little on the
smallish side I think, based on what I’ve got planned with a week to go before
the deadline. Work has been a real
struggle lately, with more hours and more take-home stuff. I haven’t felt all that inspired to write,
which is why the latest Halfway House chapter is probably only going to be
about two pages long. And some of my
energy is going into the next issue of Diplomacy
World, which is due out a week or so after Eternal Sunshine #27. So combine all these factors, and you get
less time, less energy, and less material.
And, of course, since Jim Burgess is sooooooooo
far behind with The Abyssinian Prince,
those of you who only see this subzine postally have quite a bit of reading to do before you catch
up.
Life around the apartment has been rather quiet, if you forget the
strain of extra work. Heather and I are
both exercising more and trying to eat better, in an attempt to lose a few
pounds. So far so good, although Heather
has put more into it than I have (and is getting better initial results). I keep telling her I want to get back to the
emaciated look I had when I got home from prison, but she says I looked like a
concentration camp victim. I don’t
really want to get that thin anyway; I’d like to lose 15 pounds, perhaps 20,
but that’s it. And I’m in no hurry, so
if I lose ½ a pound every week on average that’s perfectly fine with me.
By the way, I may as well mention that I started another new
website this month. It seems that almost
all of my close personal friends are female, and I am repeatedly being sought
out by them to explain the actions of some boyfriend, former boyfriend, or
their husbands. So I decided to spread
this knowledge to the outside world, and have not put up http://www.guysexplained.com as my way
of doing so. Aside from the occasional
essay on one topic or another, it features simply Q&A from submitted
emails. Yes, I’ve been referred to as a
“traitor” by a few males since I opened the site, but so what? Heather’s initial response to the site was:
”Great, now EVERY woman will want you.”
This fear was quickly proved untrue, as a girl I knew from high school
and had added to my Facebook friends list threw a little tantrum about how
“stereotypical” my view of the male is, and that she refused to support it or
the site. I was promptly removed from
her friends list. Her loss!
In zine news, Heather is skipping this issue after her long column
in ES #26. Don’t worry though, she’ll be
back next time (most likely, anyway).
Meanwhile, I should remind all of you how loving, beautiful, sexy,
intelligent, caring, affectionate, understanding, tolerant, and nurturing she
is. She loves it when I say nice things
about her in print! Other than that,
you’ll find the normal foolishness here: movie reviews, letters, hypothetical
questions, a new movie quote contest, game openings, and other crap. And we have the latest columns from Andy York
and Jack McHugh. Better than a swift
kick in the nuts! I just don’t have much
to say, so on we go!
Playlist: The
Pretenders – The Pretenders; Throwing Copper – Live; Changesbowie – David
Bowie; Mozart Horn Concerto #2 and #3; Bounce – Soundtrack; Contractual
Obligation – Monty Python; Yellow Submarine – The Beatles.
Halfway Home at the
Halfway House – Part Three
While
the remainder of my bus trip was tedious, exhausting, and seemed to be eternal,
it was actually rather uneventful. I
grabbed a sandwich in Little Rock, and managed to get a few hours sleep between
there and Dallas. We arrived in Dallas
about two hours later than scheduled, and I’d had it drilled into my brain that
any late arrival would be considered a serious violation of the travel
policy. So I canned the number I had for
the halfway house, but the woman who answered didn’t seem to care one way or
the other. “Just get here as soon as you
can, that’s fine.”
I
tried to call Heather too, to hear her voice - and to see if she had calmed
down from the fit she’d thrown the last time we spoke. I got her answering machine, left a message,
and headed out to the street to find a cab.
I was quite familiar with this part of downtown Dallas, having ridden
Greyhound in and out of the station countless times when I worked for
AmeriFleet. My only real concern was
finding a cab driver who could figure out where we needed to go; my directions
were pretty simple, but since they’d come off the internet I had no way of
knowing whether they were correct or not.
Also, Hutchins is a bit out of the way, so it was possible a cab driver would
not want to go that far when there was no return fare available.
There
were two cabs waiting on the street. I
approached the first one and climbed in the back. “I need to go to Hutchins.”
“The
Halfway house, huh? It’s fifty bucks
since I can’t get a fare back.”
Obviously
I wasn’t the first passenger to climb out of the bus station heading to the
halfway house. And I suppose that
doesn’t say much for the town of Hutchins when the only reason anybody wants to
take a cab there is to report to a Halfway House.
As
it turned out, my directions were not entirely correct, but only because of a
major change off of Interstate 45. The
halfway house was supposed to be located about two blocks from an exit, but
that particular exit no longer went east and west; the connection to the west
had been closed permanently. So instead
we had to take a different exit and work through a few side streets. Apparently this change had taken place a
number of month earlier, as the cab driver knew all about it.
The
area we were driving in was rather empty.
There was a gas station/convenience store and a house or two, but that
was it. Then we turned right and hit the
correct street, and I could see the layout was quite isolated. There was a water tower on one side of the
street, with a huge overgrown field. On
the left side of the street there were three buildings: one was a typical small
commercial building housing some company or other. Farther down the street was a propane company
called Blue Rhino, with small and large tanks everywhere, and trucks moving
around – it seemed rather active. In
between, there was your typical sterile-looking brick buildings, pure
government: the Dallas-area Halfway House, administered by the Volunteers of
America (who weren’t volunteers, of course).
It could have passed for a small medical building, except for one
fenced-in area with a basketball hoop which could only be accessed from inside
the building itself.
I
was home…at least my new home for the next six months.
The
front door was open, and I walked in.
The lobby area was rather quiet, although I could hear a television
somewhere in the distance. The
standard-issue institutional tile made up the floor. There was a small sofa to the left, and to the
right a large desk with two windows, similar to something you’d find at the
Department of Motor Vehicles. I
approached the window nervously and was happy to see a rather pleasant and
unintimidating woman behind the window.
I gave her my name, my prison ID number, and my social security number,
and she asked me to wait at the couch.
“Do not speak to anyone until I have processed your entry,” she
warned. Fortunately that wasn’t much of
a problem, as I think only one or two people walked by in the meantime. One, I noticed, was a female…this reminded me
that the halfway house was co-ed! I
would actually see living, breathing women again. Somehow though, this didn’t seem like such a
big deal. After all, the only woman I
really wanted to see was Heather. And I
suppose I had already made the mental jump that I’d see plenty of females now
that I was going to interact with the outside world. I know that for some halfway house “clients”
(as we were called) this is a major event, but it wasn’t for me.
Eventually
the staff member brought me into a large room, which she told me was the
visiting room and television room. She
proceeded to ask me a few questions, mainly to confirm information she already
had in her paperwork, and then she went through my belongings. I gave her the two prescriptions I had been
taking, so she could put them in the medical closet and have them officially
dispensed to me; they were just Zantac and some antibiotic, but I could
understand their desire to keep access to prescriptions limited, as well as the
need to make sure they were only taken according to instructions. I didn’t think there would be an issue with
any of the personal items I was carrying with me, as they all had come directly
from my time inside prison, but as it turned out there were three items she
confiscated. The first was my big bag of
plain M&Ms. “Clients cannot have
food, because no food or drink is allowed anywhere in the facility except for
the mess hall and the snack room.” She
told me I could have somebody pick them up when they came to visit. I could understand the no food rule; bugs
were always a major concern, especially in the warmer Texas climate. But the other two items she confiscated
really confused me: my nail clippers and toenail clippers. “These are held up front, and you can come
sign them out when you need them.” I
wasn’t about to be argumentative on my first day, but it seemed a bit silly
that they wouldn’t allow me to keep the same pair of nail clippers I’d had in
prison, especially when I had disposable razors which, when broken open, could
cause a lot more damage. Oh well; this
would not be the last halfway house rule I’d think was pointless or
counterproductive.
After
having me sign some forms and giving me a list of rules and policies, she
showed me around the rest of the facility, which wasn’t much. Down one hallway were the female bedrooms,
mess hall, and administrative offices. I
guess they felt safer keeping the females (who accounted for about 25% of the
population) closer to the powers that be.
In the central part of the building, where the two main hallways and the
entranceway intersected, you could find the snack room, the medical closet
(which was where they dispensed medication from), the library, and the laundry
room. This was also the area where the
large entrance desk was located, as well as the visiting room. This left one long hallway for me to explore
on my own: the hallway with all of the male client bedrooms. The staff member handed me a key, which she
said was for my closet, and gave me my room number and bed assignment. It was clear she wasn’t interested in walking
down that hallway, or wasn’t supposed to do it without a male staff member, or
both. So I set off on my own.
Immediately
on the left was a door marked Employment Services, which I’d been told was
where the Employment Counselor had her office.
Then on both sides of the wall were about eight payphones, each
requiring 50 cents per call. These
phones were meant to be our contact with the outside world; call phones and
phone cards were not permitted. I
guessed that the Halfway House got some kind of percentage on the amount of
money spent, but I couldn’t be sure.
There was one regular free phone “clients” were allowed to use, but it
was at the front desk, and meant for phone calls to locate employment only –
nothing else. I’d soon learn the was
often a line to use that phone, so for simplicity’s sake it would often be
worth it to drop the 50 cents into the payphone.
I
walked down about half of the hallway, and found my room on the left. Opening the door, I entered an 8-bunk room; 4
pairs of bunk beds. My bed was #7, which
was the top bunk immediately on the right.
The rest of the room was pretty much empty. There was a small table with a sink in one
corner, and some folding chair scattered about.
A small television, belonging to one of the clients, sat on a chair
between two bunks. I located my closet:
it was quite small, but it would have to do.
It was meant to hold all of my personal belongings for the duration of
my stay. Nothing was to be left out in
the open. There were also two other
doors in the room; the one on the left led to a small room with two toilets and
a sink. The one across the entranceway
led to the two small showers and another sink.
Every bed was empty, but appeared to be used by someone. So while I’d traded down from a prison
“range” with 40+ inmates to a small room with 8, I still wouldn’t be getting
any privacy in this place. I shrugged;
it was only for six months, and I’d be at work much of the time. How bad could it be?
I’d
been informed that a client orientation was being held the following day, so I
had nothing to do until dinner time around 5pm.
Heather was already at work, so there was no reason to call her. And I didn’t want to fork over the long
distance charges to call anybody else.
So I did something I’d been dying to do for three days: a took a long,
hot shower. I cleaned myself up, shaved,
put on some fresh clothes (my choices were limited but I planned on asking
Heather to bring me some in the next day or two after work), and climbed into
bed. The bunk was a solid metal frame
style, with no springs underneath, and the mattress and pillow were very
thin. But it wasn’t much worse than what
I’d been used to from prison, and the room was quiet. Exhausted from the long journey, emotionally
and physically fried, I closed my eyes and quickly dozed off. As I drifted away, I thought about all the
things I needed to do over the next few days: get Heather to bring me some
clothes, get plenty to eat, find a job – ANY job for the time being, and be
sure to obey all the rules of the halfway house. I’d just keep to myself and the rest should
be easy.
But,
as I had learned to expect, accomplishing goals when involved in the Federal
prison system is only as easy as the staff and administration want to make it
for you. And I was soon to learn that
the rules and attitudes of those around me were not designed to make life
simple. In fact, some of them seemed
specifically designed to make it impossible to succeed! Like in prison itself, my goals in the
halfway house would have to be changed from “achieve goals and progress” to
“survive and count the days until I’m out of here.”
Last
month, we gave you this hypothetical: You work for a mid-sized company. Your work for the IT department takes you
throughout the building, in and out of every department. In an executive’s office one afternoon, you
are busy updating some software on his desktop when you spill some coffee. Quickly wiping it up the mess, you find
yourself holding his American Express corporate bill. Your eyes are drawn to it, and you are
astonished at the amount of money this executive is spending. You also see what appear to be a number of
personal charges on the corporate account.
What do you say about this revelation, if anything? And to whom?
Or what other action do you take?
Melinda Holley - The operative word here is 'appear'. Without knowing precisely the
nature of the transactions or the arrangement the executive has with the
company, I have no way of knowing if any of the transactions are illegal.
I wouldn't do anything but I'd sure start listening to any office gossip about this guy.
Tom Swider - None, other than
I'm usually too busy in my job to be snoopy but-insky and notice such
things. Maybe an interesting take on this is that corporate credit cards
are such an unfair one-sided deal. Employees are responsible for late charges,
even if it's the fault of their employer. Many people use the cards for both
business and personal expenses, apply checks they receive from their employer
to pay the expense, and pay the remaining balance. I'm expecting that
government agencies directly pay the bill, and that government employees would
be making an ethical violation. As you said "corporate bill", there's
typically no direct pay hence to dilemma. Besides, some executives have
extraordinaire expenses when courting large clients ... again, none of my
business and more than likely all legit. That's why businesses have accountant
and independent auditors.
Andy York - I'd never be in
that position - I don't drink coffee, so there wouldn't have been any spill to
clean up!
Bill Brown - My
attitude would be that as an IT guy it is none of my business. I have no idea
what sort of salary agreement he is on or what has been agreed between himself
and the company (he may even be repaying any personal charges that he puts on
his card - who knows?).
Phil
Murphy - First off - given the current situation with the economy, I'd
have limited sympathy for those who take advantage of perks like that. That
seems like an abuse to me and I'd be horrified by it if I were a business
owner. So as a responsible employee, I'd ask to see the boss and tell them what
I found. If they do nothing about it, their choice. I would be tempted to mind
my own business if the economy was booming but if the company was under
pressure I'd have no hesitation in reporting it. It's effectively theft if
you're not supposed to charge personal items on the corporate account.
My
answer is - I photocopy the statements for future blackmail use, either
against the executive or against the firm itself should they decide to fire me
for reasons I feel are unfair. Remember
the scene in American Beauty? Yeah,
something like that.
For Next Month: You
work in as a cashier in a grocery store.
Occasionally they also have you work at the customer service desk. The woman who runs the desk is very
aggressive and short when she deals with other employees, and makes no secret
of the fact that her boyfriend has done time in prison for gang-related
violence after someone “betrayed” him.
One day you happen to see out of the corner of your eye as she throws
five or six cartons of cigarettes into the trash, tying the bag up and putting
it in the rolling trash bin in the room behind you. You can only assume this is a method she uses
to move these cigarettes outside, at which time she can retrieve them and sell
them, give them to friends, or use them personally. You’re not sure, but you think she may have
noticed your awareness of her actions.
But her demeanor does not change for the remainder of the day. Do you report her to the manager, or someone
else? Or take some other action?
The rules to the contest are simple. Below you will find quotes from a number of
movies. Every movie I’m quoting from can
be found in our apartment on DVD or VHS.
Some of the quotes may be off slightly, as they’re all from memory, but
that’s your tough luck. Your
mission: identify as many of the movies as you can. The person who submits more correct answers
than anyone else wins a DVD of my choosing (unless you live outside of the USA
and Canada, in which case I’ll send you something else since you can’t watch
Region 1 DVDs). Research is permitted,
but frowned upon (although a number of these movies can be found mentioned in
prior issues of Eternal Sunshine, or on my 100 Movies list). If anybody is able to identify ALL the movies
correctly, you win a $25 Cinemark gift card!
If more than one person submits all the correct answers, the person who
submitted them first wins. Likewise, if
there is a tie for most number of correct answers, the tie goes to the set of
answers I receive first. The only person
NOT eligible to win this contest is Stephanie Rogers, because she own last
time. To make things easier, and less
intimidating, I have cut the number of quotes down to 25. Hint: NONE of the movies which appeared in
the 1st contest are used below (unless I screwed up, which is always
possible). Now on to the quotes!
1. Don’t worry Smitty, that’s why you’ve got two.
2. Masturbation; refuge of the lonely housewife.
3. Do you realize you’ve had three names in the last two days?
4. Am I mad enough Professor? Am I?
5. Where have you seen this divine spark in operation Colonel?
6. I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half caf with a twist of lemon.
7. Yes Captain, computer indicates we are about to be swallowed by a giant
sheep dog.
8. Can I use the bathroom? I may
have shit my pants.
9. Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled “Arrrrrrrr!!!!”?
10. With your bad knee, Ed, you shouldn’t throw anybody.
11. On the 3rd date, Harry, I’m going to screw your eyes blue.
12. Never being happy isn’t the same as being unhappy. Is it?
13. Mister, we are the weirdoes.
14. My meteor, my price.
15. I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion.
16. He’s like all men: a big kid in a man’s body.
17. Sometimes when I think of how good my book is going to be, I can’t
breathe.
18. I liked being in bed. I pretty
much didn’t like anything else.
19. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make
mid-coitus.
20. Tentacles. N-T. Big difference.
21. How many rooms am I checked into in this shit hole?
22. I wouldn’t be afraid of death if I was you. I’d be more afraid of driving in rush hour
traffic.
23. You can’t fire me; you don’t even know my name!
24. The Empire State Building is the closest thing to heaven in the city.
25. Get this, honky. You go tell
Raphael that I ain’t taking no jive from no Western Union messenger.
Deadline for entries is April 27th, 2009 at 7:00am my
time. Good luck!
This is just a
little poll, which grew out of one of those “tell
everybody about yourself” things you see on Facebook or on mass emails. But I thought about this one question, and
I’m interested in hearing everybody else’s response.
The task is simple: give me three songs
which never get old (in your opinion).
Please include the artist if you know it, or if it’s a song with many
versions…just choose the one version in particular which doesn’t get old for
you.
I’ll print all the responses I get, and who
knows? Maybe we can make a little
collection of the songs the way Jim Burgess planned to with “23 Songs” before
he collapsed under the weight of all that recordkeeping.
The Wrestler – If you follow
movies at all, it is inevitable that you’ve heard quite a bit about The
Wrestler, and about how though the film Mickey Rourke has resurrected a career
which has been deceased for some time.
For a short while Rourke’s portrayal of Randy “The Ram” Robinson was the
favorite to win Best Actor at the Academy Awards. He didn’t win in the end, and having now
finally gotten around to seeing the film I believe the Academy made a wise
decision giving it to Sean Penn for Milk instead. For while Rourke gives a fine performance, it
isn’t as earth-shattering as all the hype had led me to believe. And neither is the film as a whole.
“The
Ram” is a aging professional wrestler, who in the late 80’s was on top of the
sport. Now he is physically
deteriorating, broke, and without any contact with his only daughter. Making ends meet by working part-time at a
grocery store hauling boxes, and doing appearances on the weekend either to
sign autographs or to perform in the ring with younger up-and-comers. The wrestling scenes are truly the highlight
of the movie, as we see the incredible physical punishment the “fake” wrestlers
take in the name of entertainment. After
each fight, Randy has to be taped up, sewn up, and glued up. Broken glass, barbed wire, staples; they’re
removed from his flesh by semi-professional medics. And on top of all of that, “The Ram” fills
his body with countless steroids and growth enhancers. Without question, he is living on the far
fringe of show business, and trying to hang on before he falls off the cliff.
After
a heart attack derails what’s left of his wrestling career, Randy tries to
cross the bridge into the real world again.
He hasn’t spoken to his estranged daughter (Evan Rachel Wood) in years,
but at the gentle prodding of a local stripper he has a thing for (Marisa
Tomei), he attempts a reconciliation.
Those attempts are awkward, emotional, and carry tremendous
baggage. Likewise, his desire to move
beyond the customer/stripper give-and-take with Tomei’s character “Cassidy”
(whose real name is Pam), looks to be hopeless.
Even his desire to work full-time at the grocery store, which requires
tedious customer interaction, is a draining experience for Randy.
Rourke
is, in many ways, telling the story of his own life here, and it his
familiarity with the desperation which allows him to give a compelling
performance. From swallowing sarcastic
comments from his boss to sleeping in the back of his van when he gets locked
out of his trailer, none of Randy’s plans seem destined for success. Even the 20th anniversary of his
most famous bout, for which a rematch is planned, is a huge question mark. Rourke is himself barely recognizable
compared to his early acting days; his face looks like it has seen a few too
many punches and surgeons knives.
The
performances of Rourke, Tomei, and Wood are all solid, but The Wrestler has a tendency
to get too melodramatic, and during those moments the direction of the plot
seems obvious. However, the strength of
the performances keep the film from leaving a sour taste in your mouth. More than anything, the film delivers in an
attempt to show just how sad and full of true despair the aging wrestling
community is. They had their time in the
spotlight, but now the world has completely passed them by.
The
Wrestler is a good film, but not an exceptional one. So lower your expectations a bit, but see
it. It’s worth your time.
The Last House on
the Left
– I generally avoid remakes whenever possible (the poster I just saw for the
remake of The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 starring John Travolta and Denzel
Washington still has me feeling ill).
But since Heather had never seen the Wes Craven version, and considering
how low-budget it was, I agreed to give this new version a try. All things considered, it was a decent
suspense film, a level above most of the thriller crap they dish out these
days.
The
story itself is rather simple, a mix of unfortunate coincidences. Vacationing at their remote lake house, a
couple (Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter) and their daughter (Sara Paxton)
anticipate a quiet time by themselves.
The daughter takes their vehicle to go visit a friend in town, and this
is when things begin to unwind. The two
decide to accept the offer of a young man they don’t know (Spencer Treat Clark)
to return to his motel room for some marijuana.
They enjoy themselves, for a while…until the young man’s father, uncle,
and uncle’s girlfriend return unexpectedly.
As it happens his father (Garret Dillahunt) is an escaped convict, and
the trio just murdered two officers in order to arrange his getaway. The girls know too much, or have seen too much,
and they cannot be released. You can
guess at the direction of the plot from there, except the twist is the gang
takes refuge from a storm in a nearby house…the house occupied by the
vacationing couple.
The
violence in the film is quite graphic, but in some ways made more terrifying
not because of the blood splattering on the screen (as in other horror films)
but because of the brutality, rawness, and complete lack of remorse from all
involved (save the harassed son of the gang leader). There are some quite gratuitous shots early
on of Paxton undressing and dressing again that seem completely
unnecessary. However, the scenes of
violence, rape, and murder carry a less opportunistic feel. They are shocking because the acts themselves
are shocking, not because of an over-the-top approach. Director Dennis Iliadis combines shorts cuts
with viewpoints of various characters to keep a very human reality to the
subject matter. Suspension of disbelief
isn’t quite so difficult as in other films of the genre. With that in mind, and because of the
somewhat intelligent and understandable actions of the family members (again,
compared to the “fall down cowering until you are hacked to pieces” or “leave
the gun next to the supposedly dead villain” clichés) you can actually find
yourself rooting for the good guys, and against the bad. The monster is no mindless, faceless Jason or
dream-based Freddy…the evil and selfish disdain for the lives of others comes
from very human characters…the kind who do exist, and who we should be afraid
of.
Don’t
expect anything momentous, but if you want to enjoy some suspense, with some
abundant gore and violence, you can give this film a try. But if blood, knives, rape, and cruelty of
man against man are too much for you, don’t bother. You’ll just walk out feeling ill.
Sunshine Cleaning – I suppose it
might be a bit of a surprise to base a drama/comedy film on the idea that
cleaning up blood and brain matter from crime scenes could make a profitable
business, but then again almost every television show these days involved some
sort of Crime Scene Investigation unit.
So why not the cleaning people who come in when it’s all over?
That’s
the new business direction of Rose (Amy Adams), who is a single parent trying
to support her seven-year-old son.
Making a living as a maid for a cleaning service, while still having
romantic trysts with her now-married high school sweetheart, Rose is stuck
between the dreams of youth and the life she is now a part of. This new business, suggested by that married
boyfriend (Steve Zahn) seems to be her ticket to a real career.
She
brings in her rebellious and general screw-up sister Norah (Emily Blunt), and
they make a go of it, undercutting the professional competition while Rose
figures out what equipment, training, and licenses she needs to be fully
legitimate. She also gets help from
their father (Alan Arkin, always a treat).
Aside from the welcome money, both sisters discover they feel different
sorts of ties to their clients. Rose is
drawn to the family members left behind, and Norah is pulled towards those who
have died (or, as often seems to happen, killed themselves).
There
are some good laughs in Sunshine Cleaning, but the drama and emotion is always
front and center. It isn’t just the
death and the blood; whether the victim is somebody loved, forgotten, ignored,
or a “sort of do-it-yourself” death, the heaviness and waste of lives without
love and companionship is focused on.
And in ways sometimes unexpected, the pain of suicide on those left
behind is also apparent. Sunshine
Cleaning is not an overly-powerful film, nor a hilarious one. But it’s good, mainly on the strength of the
performances (Adams, Blunt, and Arkin make us believe in the honesty of their
characters). You won’t be overwhelmed,
but I think you’ll enjoy it.
Seen on DVD – The Four Seasons (B+, I am a bit
surprised how well this holds up, just as I am surprised that I enjoyed and
appreciated this film when I was about 13 years old). Stephen
King’s Golden Years (B, we got this on VHS for $1, and it’s really
enjoyable until the end, which is sooooo stupid and sudden. No explanation, nothing.) Becket
(A-, Burton and O’Toole come so close to overacting, but they stay on the
good side of the line, for a terrific film). Serenity
(B+, the film which wrapped up the television show “Firefly” and its
storyline. It was actually pretty good
overall, and I don’t think you need to have seen any episodes to enjoy it).
Our Cancer Year – by Harvey Pekar and Joyce Brabner, with art by
Frank Stack – Although I’d read a bit of his work, and am currently working my
way through a compilation volume of his American Splendor series (which
inspired the movie of the same name), this was the first full graphic novel by
Pekar I had read. I’d actually heard
about it years ago, at the tail-end of my time on the CompuServe comics
forum. The novel documents the year
Pekar spent being diagnosed with and treated for cancer, and all the things
going on in his and his wife Joyce’s life during that time. Frank Stack’s art adds some real dimension to
the tale, although the level of personal disclosure (a staple of Pekar’s work)
is something I strive for in my own writing.
You definitely feel much of what both Pekar and Brabner are feeling…and
the story is not told solely from Pekar’s point of view, so anyone who has
struggled with a seriously ill loved one can identify with what Joyce is going
through. If you’ve seen the film
American Splendor, don’t expect everything from the big screen to match the
true details of the experience on these pages, but that shouldn’t distract you
much. This is a very moving work, well
worth your time. Look for the paperback
version, new or used.
Heather
is taking this issue off, but should be back next time! Especially if you people send her some
letters! It has just been a very busy
month for everybody.
Kevin Wilson: Well, I finally got around
to looking at the zine and the turn. I was just as well off not sending a
turn as I would have had the same score. Ouch! That's probably a deficit
I can never make up now. But, I'll try to be more on time and think of
them some more.
In the meantime, I did finally watch No Country for Old
Men. It was good, but I think Crash and The
Departed were both better.
[[I have to disagree on The Departed. I found it to be rather boring, and very
overrated. Anyway, you’ve learned a
lesson when it comes to BPD: while many people send their orders in at the last
minute, many send them in within 24 hours of the zine coming out too!]]
Phil Murphy: Well I can't speak for other people but I'm mad
busy with college work atm. It's all I can do to keep up with my games atm! :(
I did read ES 26 and I enjoyed it greatly. Heather's column struck a chord for
several reasons - I won't go into them here but I'm glad I read it - so thank
your good lady for sharing! I also continue to enjoy your story about the
half-way house, though I can't imagine it was an easy experience for you!
So, yes people are reading it :) It could just be people being busy and all
that. Or maybe they're allergic to keyboards with spring coming? Sharpening
their knives for the inevitable stab-fest when the orders go out?
[[We
both know that the ratio of readers to letters is always a big one, so thanks
for the note!]]
Cal White: I read it as well and have to say it probably the
best one you have done. You already
know that I really enjoy your prison stories, but I thought Heather's piece was
easily well done. Unfortunately, I am crazy-busy these days with an existing
business to run as well as another startup that I'm working on, so I will have
to remain (mostly) as a lurker.
[[This
month seems to have everybody behind the 8-ball, myself included!]]
Hugh Polley: Getting
players from the past places is like pulling teeth. I suggested that the
cat, dippy knight, and world dip should have their best features upgraded and
simplified, then merged into one place. I suggested World Diplomacy for
the name. This was rejected by all. Web Sites like diplomaticcorp.com
are where players have migrated to.
[[I still get some old-timers here and
there, people from the postal era. I
really enjoy the mix of newer internet-based players and those brought up with
zine play.]]
Short of someone more talented than I doing
something like this the old zine form is in serious trouble. Note: I had
to scroll to the end of the zine to find the games. May I suggest they be
moved to start of the HTML or that a link at start of zine to each game be
created.
[[I suppose I could do that. For me the games are never the primary part
of the zine, so it had simply never occurred to me to add the bookmark.]]
Bill Brown: While I am a great fan of movies, it is not in my makeup to
remember details such as quotes, so I can't enter your contests without
cheating! I have seen the internet destroy quizzes and competitions - it is too
easy for anyone to find nearly everything there. And even with an honor system
you will always find people who will spoil it for everyone just because they
want to win at any cost. I'm also not a
great fan of reading reviews of movies I haven't seen yet, so I generally don’t
read yours.
[[There really is no way to solve the internet-search problem,
except I make sure that in a test-search, at least one of the quotes can’t be
found.]]
Heather's column was painful to read at times (in the empathetic, emotionally
wrenching kind of way). I just wish you and Heather a happy, healthy life. We
are a long time dead, so try to enjoy it while we
have it and be thankful when we wake every day - the day we don't is the day we
are gone forever. And be thankful we have someone to love and someone who loves
us - many people don't even have this in their lives.
[[I am thankful for Heather hundreds of times a day, every
day…even when she is crabby and grumpy!]]
Phil
Murphy: I've said it already on the ES group (somewhere), but I did find
Heather's column valuable in understanding things going on in my own life.
It's not an easy thing to write about such experiences. I would find it very
difficult to do so. For that, I commend your fine lady (and yourself for your
prison stories, among other articles) because I imagine that the decision to do
it was not taken lightly.
[[Actually I find it quite therapeutic. And since I plan on trying to collect them in
some published format, the zine’s monthly deadline forces me to find time to
write at least a couple of pages.]]
There are always difficulties where family is concerned - something I know
quite a bit about myself too! While I didn't go through the same traumas as
Heather did - I have had some problems and so I empathize with Heather. I
won't go into my own, partly because they seem trivial in comparison, but
mostly because I tend to keep these things private as it's the type of person
I've become. I wish I could speak more about it but... I guess I'm too chicken
and since things in my family are pretty stable the last few years I don't want
to seem ungrateful for what they have done for me.
To Heather: I cannot imagine what it must have been like - you've had so many
challenges in your life - I am glad that you made it through and that you and
Doug found one another. I get the impression you two are very suited to each other.
Of course I'd have to meet you both to confirm this ;)... Both of you have
faced such challenges (divorce, family difficulties, depression, and separation
from those you love) and from my own experience it takes a partner who has also
faced these challenges to make a relationship work. Otherwise how can they
understand? I'm glad myself and Robin do have this - I think it's important.
And I think you and Doug are very fortunate. It'll be a challenge, the future
always is, but one you both recognize. And recognition of the difficulties at
the start makes all the difference.
[[As Heather and I always remind each other, those experiences are
what brought us to the points in our lives where we could meet and be ready to
love each other the way we do. Perhaps
if we hadn’t been through some of it, we wouldn’t appreciate what we have
now!]]
As for your mother, well I can understand the issues you brought up. But at the
same time... I'd miss my mother if she was gone and I'm sure you would too.
That said, it's better to realize why there are difficulties there, and to be
able to talk about them - perhaps it will lead to a better understanding
between you, who knows!
[[Knowing her mother, I wouldn’t count on it!]]
Finally, on a totally unrelated note - did you see Watchmen and what did you
make of it?
[[I haven’t seen it, because I am terrified that they will have
ruined it. I don’t know if much of the
graphic novel could be properly translated to the screen. The only version I was ever interested in
seeing, when it was proposed, was Terry Gilliam’s…but that never came about. Did you see it? Did they actually change the ending?]]
Brain
Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance
By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com
(or just email Doug and he’ll
send it to me)
Issue #5
Another dose of
Flapjack. Why don’t you people
appreciate what I give you? If you won’t
send me cash and valuable gifts, you should at least nominate me for Diplomacy
Hobby Awards, or the Pulitzer prize.
Where else can you get this kind of genius for free?
After my amazing Super
Bowl prediction of Arizona versus Pittsburgh, I am sure a lot of you are
asking, “So Jack, you’re an incredible prognosticator, and clearly unmatched in
assessing the talent of major sporting teams.
What are your thoughts on the upcoming baseball season?” Well, fortunately for you I’ve had one too
many beers tonight, so instead of putting this valuable material on a 1-900
gambling line where it belongs, I’ve decided to give it to you…here…for
free. Pay attention, fart-knockers!
American League East:
Toronto, Tampa Bay, NY Yankees, Boston, Baltimore. That’s right folks, I’m predicting that
Toronto takes this one. Tampa Bay will
remain a force, but they’ll struggle in the mid-season. The Yankees will once again fail to buy
themselves a playoff birth; some of that big money they spent will wind up
sitting on the DL.
American League Central:
Minnesota, Kansas City, Chicago White Sox, Cleveland, Detroit. The big surprise here won’t just be the
performance of the Royals, but the comeback of the Twins. I think KC may still have the division lead
coming into September, but a late fade will cost them the top spot, while
Minnesota puts together two tasty winning streaks. Detroit will play as badly as GM manages its
finances.
American League West:
Texas, Anaheim/Los Angeles/Cabo/Belize Angels, Oakland, Seattle. A pathetic division, Dougie will be happy
when his stupid Rangers win the division unexpectedly. Too bad they’ll lose in the first round of
the playoffs, with only one victory before being eliminated. The thing which hurts Oakland and Anaheim are
the depleted bullpens.
National League East:
Philadelphia, NY Mets, Washington, Florida, Atlanta. And no, I’m not letting my emotions interfere
with my predictions. The only thing I am
not 100% sure of is whether the Mets finish a game over Washington, or a game
under. Everything else is set in stone
here.
National League Central:
Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Milwaukee, Chicago Cubs, Houston, Cincinnati. The Pirates become the new Rays, taking the
division with youth, power, and pitching.
The Big Red Machine has a number of parts out of warranty; time to trade
in for a newer model.
National League West:
San Diego, Colorado, Arizona, LA Dodgers, San Francisco. You know Manny is a cancer, so don’t expect
anything out of the Artful Dodgers. San
Diego runs away with this division.
Wild Cards: Tampa Bay
and St. Louis
World Series: I’m not
really set on this, I’d like to see the first month of the season, but for now
let me go with Toronto and San Diego. If
I had to predict a winner out of them, I’d take San Diego with only 55%
conviction.
Hey I heard a funny joke
today…why does the Obama administration want to put a 40% tax on aspirin?
Because it’s white and
it works. Get it?
Seriously though, I read
on-line today that the Federal government is raising the national tax on a pack
of cigarettes from 39 cents to $1.01, starting April 1st. I don’t have any problem with this sort of
“sin tax” (as long as they don’t try piling it on my beer, those stinking sons
of bitches). Smoking is a dangerous and
filthy habit, and nothing bugs me more than seeing some jackass toss a
cigarette out his car window when he’s done with it. Like the entire world is his personal
ashtray. Okay, actually a lot of things
bug me more than that, but it DOES bug me.
A lot.
But then I started
thinking about all the financial problems that the government is having. The non-partisan CBO says the deficits from
the Obama Administration’s plans will be MUCH high than they are projecting,
because their economic assumptions are far too optimistic. We each need to do our part to help; I
remember the President saying on his radio address that we will all have to
make sacrifices (although that apparently doesn’t include refusing the $500,000
book deal he signed 5 days before inauguration, or the money that he and Chris
Dodd took from AIG, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac in campaign donations…you DO
know that they were the two biggest recipients of money from those firms; and
that Dodd personally changed the language in the bailout bill to exclude limits
on the bonuses he is now bitching about.
I wonder why I find it hard to accept his crocodile tears now?)
Anyway, I think I’ve come
up with a plan to help the country out of this mess. Everybody over the age of 50 needs to start
smoking 4 packs of cigarettes a day.
First of all, this will greatly increase the tax revenues, both on the
state and federal level. That’s your way
of doing your part to help! Then, when
you get cancer, the government will put you on a waiting list for treatment,
and you’ll drop dead, thereby removing their need to pay you for all that
Social Security money you paid into the system.
Why can’t these politicians think of that?
Okay, last joke of the
month…in 2010, a doctor calls Doug’s wife about Doug’s test results. “I’m sorry ma’am, but we had a mixup at the
lab and we’ve got two test results here, both for a Mr. Kent. We’re not sure which is his, and they’re both
bad news. One of them has Alzheimer’s,
and the other has AIDS.”
“Can’t you just test him
again?” Heather asks.
“No, sorry, the new
government health plan only allows for one test like this per patient. But I do have a solution which I think will
determine which one applies to Doug. All
you need to do is drive Doug out to the middle of town and leave him there.”
“What do I do then?”
“Just wait. If he finds his way home, don’t have sex with
him anymore.”
See you next month
kiddies! In the meantime, send me beer!
Out of the WAY #6
by W. Andrew York
(wandrew88 of gmail.com)
===================================
It’s been a busy month, lots going on at work (though
I’m actually making headway on some things, including a project review that had
been on hold for three years due to time constraints). However, more keeps
coming in and I’ve plenty to do to keep me busy for some time to come, even if
nothing else comes my way.
The past few days, at home, I’ve been dealing with
the aftermath of a severe hailstorm event last Wednesday night. My apartment
complex was at/near the epicenter of the storm and we had three inch hail
coming down and the ground was covered. Five hours later, there was still
unmelted hail.
Needless to say, over 100 windows in the complex were
broken and many cars suffered significant damage. In my case, I lost the back
window and the hood/roof/trunk are covered with dents. Also, four pieces of
plastic were cracked, or in one case, actually had a hole punched through it.
So, I’ve been trying to file insurance claims (my agent’s office was also hit
by the storm and, when I went in on Thursday morning, ceiling tiles were
falling in and they’d last their phone lines). I’ll finally get to see an
adjuster tomorrow morning.
Then, the trial of getting a simple back window for a
2000 Saturn SL1. The glass place found one (just one!) in Dallas and was
planning to install it on Friday. However, when the shipment of 100 windows
finally arrived late afternoon, my window wasn’t on it. It seems the company
sold it to someone else. So, it’ll be at least mid-week, next week, before
another can be shipped in from elsewhere in the country. Fortunately, the
company owner came over Saturday and put a better “temporary” cover on the
window. My cardboard and dry cleaner bag kept the rain out, but at about 20mph,
started to flap - threatening to fly off onto whoever was behind me and keeping
my travels very limited.
On the plus side, the damage (beyond the window) was
only cosmetic. The car runs well and has had very few problems over the years.
So, I’m glad that it wasn’t badly damaged mechanically. I’m not in a “car
buying” mood (or mode, for that matter) right now.
Commentary
Well, the inaugural Facts in
Five game winds down this issue. It seems it really didn’t catch on and, as
time went on, the players seemed to lose interest. Only one person really
commented on the game recently. The primary concern was the difficulty of the
categories and in finding answers that met them.
First off, for those of you
unfamiliar with the game, the copy I have was published by 3M (I think there
was a later version by Avalon Hill). It was a “party” game where each round
consists of five categories and five letters with five minutes to fill out the
grid. The categories are determined by a card draw. Some of the cards have a
Class (such World Leaders/Rulers) and a list of Categories (such as Living,
African, Biblical, King, etc). The drawer announces the Class and then chooses
one or more categories. Other cards only have a list of Classes which the
drawer picks one. Once all the categories for the round are determined, the
five letters are drawn, the egg timer turned over and everyone fills out the
grid to the best of their knowledge. Scoring is based on number of answers in
each row (letter or category) squared. For instance, if you had two entries for
the letter “E” you’d score four points. If you had five entries for the World
Leader category, you’d score twenty-five. Total score for the round was the
combined number from each of the ten rows. There are five rounds in each game.
In translating to a pb(e)m
format, the scoring system needed significant alterations. Otherwise, the casual
player would have no chance against the person who could spend hours googling
potential answers. Therefore, the one point if you had an eligible entry for
that row. An extra point was given if your entry matched another persons to
encourage folks to choose entries that are more common/mainstream rather than
going to the tangent or fringe entry (and to ease GMing it!).
The letters were drawn from the
bag each round and the categories taken off of the cards. In choosing
categories for the classes, I tried to narrow some of the broader ones down to
give a better chance of matches. Also, research was not discouraged allowing
those who enjoyed some googling to do so without being able to run away with
the game.
Taking those comments, and some
others made during the course of the game, I’ve been trying to come up with a
better version. One difficulty is that this game, in the pb(e)m format, loses
the “time crunch” aspect and opens up the possibility of research.
Additionally, beyond the stricter category choices, the only real difference
from By Popular Demand (BPD), is the scoring. So, I’m at a loss on how to
present the game without it being a scoring variant of BPD. I’m open to
suggestions?
In the meantime, I’m going to
hold on a new “all players” game for a column or two, hoping to “fix” Facts in
Five. If not, I’ll launch some other game in the near future - as always,
suggestions are welcome!
Also, there are some other games
on the list. I just added Pandemic which I played for the first time at
ChimaeraCon in San Antonio about a month ago. I’m working on the pb(e)m rules
and I’m currently thinking of running a turn for each player each issue, with a
second move for the first player to allow a rotation in player order (ala Chris
Hassler’s Settler’s games in S.O.B.).The Dispatcher role will be
eliminated, and a round probably will be interrupted when an Epidemic card is
drawn. I’m not sure how I want to handle the Infector step (announcing them
ahead of time or having players write conditionals). The other option, of
course, is to play as many turns as possible between each issue and publish the
“current state of the game” in the issue. Also, the game would always be played
at the Introductory level for the cards held by each player (Intro level has
all cards revealed, while the Normal and Heroic level has them kept in the
player’s hand, though they are free to tell the other players what they may, or
may not, have).
The one thing about the game is
that it relies heavily on player interaction and cooperation. All players win,
or all players lose. There is no individual victory - it is humanity against
four pandemics. If the players don’t cure all four diseases before a pandemic
occurs, the germs win! Any input or suggestions from potential players is
welcome. And, if the expansion comes out before the game starts, I’ll see about
incorporating it into the game offering.
Letter Column
(always welcome, send them in!)
Babylon
5 Quote
Sheridan in Into the Fire: “A Vorlon said ‘Understanding is
a three-edged sword.’ Your side. Their side. And the truth.”
Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by J. Michael
Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.
The
Month in History
April 4, 1949: Birth of the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) to defend Western Europe against the
spread of Communism by military conquest. The mutual defense provisions are not
invoked until the attacks on America that occurred September 11, 2001.
April 30, 1789: George
Washington was elected by a unanimous vote of the electoral college as the
first president of the United States under the new Constitution. The
Constitution replaced the Articles of Confederation, under which the United
States had been governed until then. The Articles did not have a provision for
a president.
Sources
include: Current issue of “Smithsonian”
Poll
Question
Each month a question will be
posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the
next issue. Also, any response to
what folks have submitted for the previous question
are very welcome.
This issue: Nuclear power, is now the time for revived interest in this alternative to oil/coal/natural gas?
Do the negative effects to the environment by the oil/coal/natural gas power plants outweigh the
concerns about storing spent nuclear fuel?
[David Burgess] First,
I would like to say it is nearly impossible to determine the truth on energy
generation and the environment. On one side, you have the insane
environmentalists twisting information to make the world believe the world will
implode. On the other side, you have the oil and energy companies twisting
information to make you think their energy is safe and won’t hurt a fly. I
haven’t practiced in my field since graduation, but I do have an environmental
engineering degree. I personally can’t think of any reason why nuclear power
would ever be in consideration for a new power generation? If you add in the
cost of disposal, the risk for contamination during production and the
possibility of terrorist sabotage, I think they should stop all nuclear power
generation. I believe that oil, coal and natural gas can generate electricity
cleanly, if the money is spent on scrubbers to treat the emissions before
releasing them into the environment. The majority of the damage being done to
the environment from coal electricity generation is being done by power plants
build before the clean air regulations were passed. They should not grandfather
in the old plants and the harm to the environment would be greatly reduced.
[WAY] I have to
completely agree with you, David, that the claims from every side of the
argument are based on twisted information to make their case. It is even more
difficult when most of the studies are funded by companies/organizations that
have a vested interest in promoting a certain view or belief. For the layman to
get a reasoned understanding of the entire issue is all too difficult.
I also agree with you that oil, coal and natural gas
can cleanly generate electricity - if the companies involved are willing to spend
the time, money and effort to do so - especially, as you point out, with the
older plants. Coupled with that will be the willingness of the consumer to pay
a higher price for electricity and for other items in the marketplace to cover
the costs. Also, with these types of plants, the mining of the resources to
power them will need to be made “cleaner” - particularly with coal where strip
mining and such can seriously degrade the nearby land.
However, I personally am a proponent of nuclear
power. But, again, to do it right will cost money and an ongoing commitment to
produce electricity safely and with proper security. There are dangers, but the
track record over the past 50 years is very good with lessons learned being
taken in to improve security and safety in the newer plants. And, as with
fossil fuel plants, as necessary, new regulations should be imposed on all
plants without across the board grandfathering (as in all circumstances,
special cases excepted).
The bottom line - many of the reported lapses in the
operation of any power plant, and the mitigation of environmental damage to the
surrounding community, are due to the “how cheap can this be done to meet the
minimum security/safety requirements to maximize profits for the investors”
mentality rather than one of “how can we produce the most electricity while
minimizing the negative effect to the environment and community while ensuring
a reasonable rate of return for the investors”.
For next issue: What is your favorite country to play in Diplomacy? What makes it your favorite? Does
your choice change if you are playing face-to-face instead of PB(E)M?
Recipe
of the Month
Recipe Philosophy: Except for
baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing
most everything. The listed
measurements, for the most part, are estimates from
the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust to meet your personal
tastes –
and remember, it is easier to add “more” of something
than to compensate when “too much” has been added.
For ingredients, if you don’t
like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If
you like food with more spice, add
an extra jalapeno or use habenaros instead. On the
other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the jalapeno with half a bell
pepper. Optional items are used when I’m looking for
a variation or making it for individuals with specific preferences.
Crab Rangoon
by W. Andrew York
based on a recipe by Gee Gee Bessey
(last revised 3/29/09)
Ingredients:
1/4 cup Crabmeat
or Imitation Crabmeat
8 oz Cream
Cheese (softened to room temperature)
1/4 cup minced
Green Onions
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Pepper
1/2 tsp Garlic
Powder
1/2 tsp Ground
Ginger
Chicken Stock (if
commercial stock, omit Salt above)
1 pkg Won
Ton Wrappers
Steps:
1 - Shred crabmeat into small
pieces. If real crabmeat, pick over for any remaining shell.
2 - Mix first seven items (all
but the last two) by hand, using the chicken stock as need to soften the
mixture. Note -
mixture should be stiff, not runny.
3 - Place about a teaspoon of
the crab mixture into the center of one won ton wrapper.
4 - Dab a small amount of
water along the edges of the wrapper.
5 - Either pinch the sides
together to make a star over the crabmeat pocket or fold the wrapper in half.
6 - Fry in a 325-degree deep
fryer until the won ton wrapper is crispy and browned.
7 - Drain on paper towel.
Other Optionals:
Minced jalapeno peppers, for a spicy bite.
Can use already cooked, ground pork, beef or chicken
in place of the crabmeat
For a more exotic taste, try a bit of oyster or
hoisen sauce in place of the first bit of chicken stock (start with a little so
that you don’t
overwhelm the other flavors)
===================================
Game
Section
Facts in Five
Rules: There will be five rounds, the high score at the end of the
fifth round will be the winner. Anyone may join anytime with a starting score
matching the lowest from the previous round. Anyone missing a round will add
the lowest score of that round.
Each round will consist of five categories and five
letters. Each player submits an entry
for each category which has a key word that starts with each of the letters
(twenty-five total entries). Key words are generally the first word; however
articles (the, a, etc) and modifiers (“red” in red bicycle for “R” in “mode of
transportation” or “general” in General Lee for “G” in “Military Leaders”) are
not key words. A word in the category may not be the key word (“bank” in “Bank
of America” for “B” in the category “Banks”). For names, the last name is the
key word except in the case of commonly used stage names (in a category of
female singers, ”Q” could be “Queen Latifa” and “Cher” for “C”). An entry may
only be used once per round.
One point will be scored for each entry that
unarguably meets the letter and category. An additional point will be added if
anyone else also uses the same valid entry for the same category. Maximum
possible score in a round is 50 with a lowest possible score of 25, presuming an
individual submits a valid entry for each category and letter in that round.
UPDATE: Last turn, Kevin
Wilson submitted orders right as I was sending in the column. His entries were
accepted and updated totals are
listed in the “previous” column in the scoring.
Round Five Results
- Final Totals
Bolded - Scores 2 points for matching another entry; Crossed
Out - scores 0 points; otherwise scores 1 point.
REMINDER - Last names are generally the key word, not first
names.
Players - Bill Brown (BB),
Doug Kent (DK), Jack McHugh (JMH), Jamie McQuinn (JMQ), Brendan Whyte (BW),
Kevin Wilson (KW)
W G C U E
Awards
BB Wolf
Prizes Godel Prize Clio Awards U Thant Peace Prize Emmy
DK Webby Grammy Clio Universe Eisner
KW Walkley Golden Globes Camera d’Or no entry Emmy
Mixed Drinks
BB Whiskey
Sour Gin & Tonic Cosmopolitan Urine Sample Ectoplasm
DK White
Russian Greyhound Cosmopolitan Unicorn Ectoplasm
KW Warm
& Fuzzy Georgia Peach Cocktail Uncle Sam Egg
Nog
Weapons
BB Wakizashi Gun Crossbow Urumi Epee
DK Whip Grenade Cutlass Uzi Elephant
Gun
KW Winchester
Rifle Gun Club Uzi Exocet
Geometric Forms
BB Whitney
Umbrella Gyroid Circle no
entry Equilateral
Triangle
DK Wire Gyroid Circle Umbrella Equilateral
Triangle
KW no
entry Goid Cube no entry Ellipse
Norse Gods/Goddesses
BB Wotan Gefion no entry Ull Elli
CK Woden Gna Chuck Uncle Eir
KW Wodin Gerutha no entry Urd Eir
Final Standings
Scores by Category 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th Previous Now Total
BB 7 7 6 6 5 118 + 31 = 149
DK 6 7 6 7 5 133 + 31 = 164
JMH no
entries received 110 + 25 = 135
JMQ no
entries received 112 + 25 = 137
BW no
entries received 109 + 25 = 134
KW 5 5 7 2 6 126 + 25 = 151
Congrats to Doug for his win over second place Kevin and third place Bill!
Possible future game openings
- Railway Rivals, Empire Builder, Liftoff!, Pandemic
Suggestions accepted for other
games to offer.
===================================
Deadline For The Next Issue of Out of the WAY:
April 25th, 2009 at 7:00am – See You Then!
Game entries, letters of comment and other material
can be sent to: wandrew88 at gmail.com;
or by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117
Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Philip
Murphy, Ian Pringle, William Wood, need four more to fill. Get in on the fun now!
Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Two
players, need six more to fill.
Deviant Diplomacy II (Black Press): Signed up: Jonathan
Nichol, Pete Gaughan, Jason Bergmann, John Walker, Mark Lew, Jim Burgess, need one
more to fill. Rules in ES #23, or by
request. A classic variant which can
become as insane as a Charles Manson interview.
Just need that last player to let the fun begin!
Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the
currencies of the Diplomacy nations.
This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time, and
are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation. The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.
Intimate Diplomacy Round Robin (Black
Press):
Signed up: Tom Swider, Peter McNamara, needs two more. Four players, each playing in 3 games at once
(one game against each of the other three players). The rules to Intimate Diplomacy can be found in
ES #26.
By Popular Demand: Game currently
underway, join any time.
Standby List:
HELP! I need standby players!
I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so
keep your eyes open (the current one is down to one game, which is at
1913. The final results will be printed
here whenever it wraps up). I’m also
thinking about a game of Final Conflict, and Colonia VII-B remains a favorite. Does anybody have an interest in
Kremlin? Or Cannibalism? And once Deviant Dip II starts, if the rest
of you realize what a fun variant it is, I may offer another game of THAT! If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of
anything, just say the word. If you have
specific game requests please let me know.
Diplomacy
“Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Fall 1905
Austria (Kevin
Wilson
- ckevinw “of” yahoo.com): F Aegean Sea Supports A Serbia – Bulgaria,
F
Ionian Sea – Tunis, A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Trieste - Budapest (*Fails*),
A Warsaw Hold.
England (Jérémie
LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Baltic Sea - Sweden
(*Bounce*),
F
Barents Sea Supports A Finland - St Petersburg, F English Channel Supports F
Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,
A
Finland - St Petersburg, F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Livonia – Moscow,
F
Norwegian Sea - North Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*).
France (Alexander
Levinson - al “of” tolkin.nl): No
Moves Received! A Burgundy Hold, A Marseilles Hold
(*Dislodged*,
can retreat to Gas, OTB), A Paris Hold, F Tunis Hold (*Dislodged*, can
retreat to Wme, Naf, OTB).
Germany (Graham
Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A
Holland – Ruhr, A Kiel - Berlin (*Fails*).
Italy (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): A Brest
- Paris (*Fails*),
F
Gulf of Lyon Supports F Spain(sc) – Marseilles, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North
Atlantic Ocean (*Dislodged*, can
retreat to Wme, Naf, Por, Gas, Spa(sc),
Spa(nc), or OTB), F Spain(sc) – Marseilles,
F
Tyrrhenian Sea Supports F Ionian Sea – Tunis, A Venice - Piedmont.
Russia (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Berlin
Hold, A Budapest - Rumania (*Fails*),
F
Gulf of Bothnia - Sweden (*Bounce*), A Rumania - Bulgaria (*Fails*),
A
Sevastopol Supports A Budapest - Rumania (*Fails*).
Turkey (Brad Wilson
- bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): A
Armenia – Syria, F Black Sea – Constantinople,
F
Bulgaria(ec) Supports F Black Sea - Constantinople (*Dislodged*, can
retreat to Bla or OTB), A Smyrna Hold.
Map Shows Positions
and SC Ownership Prior to the Autumn 1905 Retreats
I
am calling William Wood (WoodW “of” offutt.af.mil) as the standby for France.
Autumn/Winter 1905 And Spring 1906 Deadline is April 28th 2009 at
7:00am my time
Autumn/Winter 1905 will be separated from Spring 1906 on 3
requests.
Ownership of supply
centers:
Austria: Bulgaria,
Greece, Serbia, Trieste, Tunis, Vienna, Warsaw=7, Build 2 (Only Room for 1)
England: Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London,
Moscow, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden=8, Build 1
France: Belgium, Paris, Spain? = 2 or 3, Build 1
or Even or Remove 1 or Remove 2
Germany: Holland, Kiel = 2, Even
Italy: Brest, Marseilles, Munich, Naples,
Portugal, Rome, Spain?, Venice = 7 or 8, Build 1 or 2
Russia: Berlin, Budapest, Rumania,
Sevastopol=4, Remove 1
Turkey: Ankara, Constantinople, Smyrna = 3,
Remove 1 or Even
PRESS
ROME to
GM: I don’t like the looks of all those English battleships
headed away from Russia and into warmer water …
GM –
Rome: Should have sent me some bribes if you wanted a sudden change in
unit position.
ROME to
LONDON: Didn’t we have an arrangement?
ROME to
PARIS: I suppose I should acknowledge defeat and go home, but I
am a testardo at heart.
ROME to
KIEL: You are having a devil of a time getting MUN back … aren’t you
talking to the neighbors at all? I mean, I left the place in good working
order well over a year ago.
Diplomacy
“Dulcinea” 2008C, Winter 1901
Austria (Stephen
Agar – stephen “of” stephenagar.com): Bld A Vie..Also has A Gal, A Rum, F Tri.
England (Philip
Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Bld F Edi..Also has
F Nwy, F Ech, A Pic.
France (Brad Wilson
– bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): Bld F Mar, A Par..Also has A Bre, A Bel, F
Spa(sc).
Germany (William
Wood – woodw “of” Offutt.af.mil): Bld A Mun..Also has F Den, A Ruh, A Kie.
Italy (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Bld F Nap..Also has F Tun, A Tyr, A Ven.
Russia (Jack McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): Bld A Mos..Also has A War, A Ukr, F Swe, F Sev.
Turkey (Jim Burgess –
jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Bld F Con..Also has F Ank, A Arm, A Bul.
William
Wood is now the German player of record.
Spring
1902 Deadline is April 28th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
PRIME MINISTER TO FRA: This is what happens when
you don't respond to letters. Next time, be so good as to write back! Then this
sort of 'misunderstanding' won't happen!
Rus-Tur: My business is
with you.
Tur-Rus: What business did
you have in mind?
Swain Murphy to the
Duke of York:
I bow before thee to do your bidding. Whom shall I smite?
Flap Jack REALLY
Protesteth:
Why don't you all just shut up.
Duke of York to the
Board:
This is pretty much the quietest game I've ever seen, shall we have yet another
English player for me to manipulate and control?
PRIME MINISTER to Duke of York: Hang on a
minute - whose side are you on? Mine or the usurper? And I don't live in the
Hebrides. :P
PRIME MINISTER to Flap Jack: Get
your telegraph fixed! Mail packets went out of fashion at the same time as
ruffs.
“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse
Billy Ray Valentine: Decides to play in
the Jacuzzi instead of making any transactions.
Duke of York: Holds his
position.
Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Crowns,
500 Pounds, and 500 Piastres. Buys 1500
Lire.
Rothschild: Sells 500 Crowns,
500 Pounds, 500 Marks, 500 Lire, 500 Rubles, and 500 Piastres. Buys 4335
Francs.
Baron Wuffet: Sells 500 Crowns,
500 Francs, 500 Lire, and 500 Rubles.
Buys 622 Pounds, 622 Marks, and 622 Piastres.
Wooden Nickel
Enterprises:
Sells 200 Crowns, 500 Pounds, 200 Rubles, and 500
Piastres. Buys 300 Lire, 1876 Francs.
VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500
Crowns. Buys 200 Pounds, 200 Lira, 100
Piastres, and 15 Marks.
PRESS
SMAUG to ALL:
See, what did I tell you? Francs down 25% in the last quarter! *snorts flames*
WEN to VAIONT: Tourniquet or bell? If the former, please wind it
up very tight. VERY tight!
Mr.
Burgess to VAIONT Enterprises: I'm happy to shut up, I'm too
busy to say anything anyway. What makes you even think I'm in this game??
Duke of
York to Whiners: Why bother Jim-Bob? This game is pretty lame so far from
everyone who's been writing, including me.
Duke of
York to the Bourse Regulators: I protest and choose to stand
pat as a result.
Regulators
to Duke of York: Why would you want to stand on Pat? Wouldn’t she get upset? Or is she into that sort of thing?
Anonymous: Go Italy!
Wroth holds what he had while it
dribbles through his fingers.
Baron Wuffet: I just want to get
in my balloon and go home to Kansas.
Spring 1902 Bourse Deadline is April 27th 2009 at 7:00pm my time
By
Popular Demand
Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for
inventing this. The goal is to pick
something that fits the category and will be the "most popular"
answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For
example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for
Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7
points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total
over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any
point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score
from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the
minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In
each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your
score for this answer will be doubled.
In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn,
and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any
specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first
category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel
free to. The game will consist of 10
rounds. A prize will be awarded to the
winner.
Round 4 Categories
1. A type of pasta other than
spaghetti.
2. A type of knife.
3. A fabric other than cotton.
4. A type of shark other than
Great White.
5. A brand of cosmetics.
Selected Comments By Category:
Pasta – Paraic Reddington “The fastest pasta in all of Mehico!
Ariba!! “ John Colledge
“Apart from ‘Teddy Bear’ pasta, (Christmas present) it’s the only one apart from
spaghetti we have in the cupboard at present.”
Kevin Wilson “Lots to choose from here but I think I'll get a couple of
hits here. I'm a fan of rigatoni and penne myself. They seem to
hold a sauce better.” Andy York “The staple of Kraft's boxed Mac
and Cheese.”
Knife – Paraic Reddington “It was either him or Jack.” Kevin Wilson “I
couldn't decide if "type" meant a descriptive or a brand.
Obviously I choose the descriptive name.”
Andy York “Next in line would be paring.”
Fabric – Paraic
Reddington “Funny on so few dimensions. “
John Colledge “All those little worms beavering
away deserve some recognition.” Kevin
Wilson “You didn't say natural fabric even though the "other than
cotton" might imply natural fabric so I went that route. I guess
nylon and some other synthetics will also be popular.”
Shark – Paraic Reddington “The rest (card, loan etc) are too
obvious. Oh wait...aren't those things in the oceans called sharks too? “ John Colledge “this is annoying as I asked the same question in TBNS a while back, and
can I remember which was most popular? Can I thump! Still, these guys look a
bit out of the ordinary so will hopefully prove to be popular.” Kevin Wilson “Another one with lots to choose
from but I think tiger sharks are some of the more common and more frequently
seen in aquariums etc.” Melinda Holley “What
do I know? they all scare me to death!”
Cosmetics - William
Wood “If I get this right I get saddled with the label “Metro” but at least my
skin will be radiant.” Paraic Reddington “Any men that match on this, the pasta
and the fabric should spend a little more time watching football.” John Colledge “Argh! I have asked this
as well – same response!. Can’t remember.”
Kevin Wilson “I can't think of what my wife uses so I went with
something I could think of. I was tempted to say Merle Norman
(do they still make that?). I had a friend in college who had a
girlfriend who layered Merle Norman on so thick we called her Merle. Some
of the department store brands that come to mind
are Estee Lauder, Lancome, Armani etc but I think those would be less
popular. I guess Avon could be popular too.” Andy
York “The crossword puzzle answer.”
Phil
Murphy pulls the high score for the turn, moving him into 1st
place. Meanwhile, Jack McHugh grabs the
second highest score. The maximum score,
with Joker on Hammerhead, would have been 55 this round. Paraic Reddington’s goofy answers pull the
minimum 6 points.
Round 5 Categories – Deadline
is April 28th, 2009 at 7:00am my time