June
2009
By Douglas Kent,
Email: doug of
whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld
of yahoo.com
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com
– or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the Diplomacy World
website at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for
official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his
available merchandise! Links to all of
the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button
in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or http://www.guysexplained.com where
women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the
way they do.
All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged
to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/
to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.
Quote Of The Month – “Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their
blunders.” (Mary in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)
Halfway Home at the Halfway House Part 5
The Dining Dead – The Eternal Sunshine Movie Review Column
Books in Boxers – The Eternal Sunshine Book Review Section
Meet Me in Montauk – The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column
Out of the WAY #8 by W. Andrew York
Eternal Sunshine 7x7 Gunboat Tourney Final Results
Wouldn’t It Be Nice – Spring 1906
Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only currently published Diplomacy
zine/subzine who had its author mentioned in the
article on Allan Calhamer in Chicago Magazine. (http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/May-2009/All-in-the-Game/)
Yes, friends, I was interviewed on the phone for about 40 minutes months ago,
and the result was a one-line quote and mention of Diplomacy World (although not the web address). Still it’s better than nothing. The article really focuses on his life as a
whole, and why he chose to go in one direction versus another. Since I don’t know the man personally, I
didn’t really merit any more space in the piece.
Speaking of fame and publishing, I did send a few of my prison
story essays to a literary agent/publisher who a friend had mentioned to me,
simply to get a bit of feedback. She
told me that while she found some of the writing to be good, the stories
themselves did not grab her. More
importantly, she suggested that it is next to impossible to get material such
as that published unless the author builds some sort of recognition or national
base first, often by getting one or two published in periodicals before
approaching book publishers. I could
have taken those comments as positive, or as rejection, but honestly the hard
part for me was simply sending the stories to a professional. She could have told me they were that they
biggest pieces of crap she had ever read, and I would have been okay with
that. Instead, I am now left with the
question of what periodicals might be best suited for essays such as those I’ve
published here on prison and my first marriage.
Anybody have any suggestions? I’d
love to hear them.
The “Who Is Reading This” experiment has been both successful and
a failure. I did receive emails from
some readers out there who I had no idea existed – a few with no connection to
the Diplomacy hobby at all. On the other
hand, I only got about 15 responses so far.
If you haven’t sent me an email yet, please do so. To quote from issue #28:
With that in mind, I’d like to
try and get an estimate. So I am asking
you to do the following: send me an email, simply stating “I read Eternal
Sunshine” and mentioning how often you read it (every issue, once in a while,
rarely). You can give your name, or
not. If you want to give me more
information, such as what sections you read, what you like, what you hate, what
you’d prefer to see more of, etc., that would be wonderful – but it is not
required. I just want you to email
me. I will NOT be building a mailing list off
this project. I just want to try
and get a general approximate headcount.
It is possible that I might write back to you in response to something
you put in the email, but that isn’t very likely. Even if you are sure that I KNOW you read
this, send the email. I’m not adding the
names of people who I think haven’t emailed…I would like *1 email* from each of
you. Send the email to this special
email box, which was set up ONLY for this project:
I appreciate your cooperation
and your participation. I will probably
summarize what I learn after a month or two, but it all depends on how thorough
a response I get and how useful I think the results are. Just do me a personal favor and send the
email.
Here at home, life has been pretty quiet, in large part due to
Heather coming down with a very bad cold which knocked her off her feet for almost
two weeks. We seem to get the same type
of colds here all the time: they start in the head as congestion, then a
combination of congestion, sinus infection, and post-nasal drip, and then the
illness moves to our lungs. By the time
we start to feel a lot better, the voice goes.
So everybody tells you how terrible you sound just as you’re feeling
better. More than any other reason, that
illness kept us out of the movie theater most of the month. But there’s hope that we’ll see something
this weekend (I am writing this on Saturday of Memorial Day weekend), and there
are now three or four films we want to catch before they disappear. Who knows, a three-day weekend could possibly
result in TWO movies!
Work has been busy, and it also has resulted in some
animal-related stress. Poor old Snowpea,
my boss’ cat, has suffered from heart, blood pressure, and thyroid problems for
a few years, and slowly but surely the day came when he had to be put down. As you might expect, I wound up being the one
to do that, which I didn’t mind. I
wanted to make sure someone he trusted and loved was there with him in the room
during his last minutes. Goodbye
Snowpea, we’ll miss you.
Then, a week later, we found our office being used as a
cat-sitting refuge for a one-year-old black and white ball of energy named
Cory. One of my boss’ friends, who
volunteers at the SPCA, wanted to adopt Cory, but she was going away for a
week, and feared he’d be gone by the time she returned. So she adopted him, and we took care of him
at work for a week until she came home.
Cory was a real delight; he was incredibly friendly, loved to be held
and cuddled, played constantly, and liked to sleep on my feet under my desk,
his paws wrapped around my ankles. He’s
moved into his new forever home now, and while he’s still adjusting to his new
housemates, things seem to be going well.
My coworker Marian and I weren’t thrilled with the name Cory
though. Because he looks like he is
wearing a tuxedo, and because for some reason Marian felt he looked Italian,
she nicknamed him Don Gato, and that was the name we used for him all
week. Ciao Don Gato, enjoy your life!
Switching gears for a moment, I updated some of the products in
the ES Amazon.com store, adding books and movies we’ve reviewed recently. But if
you are ever purchasing from Amazon, you can help defray the cost of this zine
and of Diplomacy World (and their respective websites) simply by visiting one
of them and clicking on the Amazon.com advertising link found on either web
page. It doesn’t cost you anything, but
the “referral” from my websites to Amazon earns us 2% or so of anything you
purchase, whether or not it had anything to do with something we show in one of
our Amazon stores. I know it can be
easy to forget something like that, but if you remember, it can be a big
help. It also helps pay for any
Diplomacy-related Cafepress stuff I buy myself from our little-used Cafepress store (http://www.cafepress.com/helpfulkitty)
which I then donate to various face-to-face events as prizes (I just sent a
cool two-sided Diplomacy sweatshirt to DipCon).
Every little bit helps. And if
you get bored, visit the Cafepress store, if for no other reason than to read
through the various slogans on the Diplomacy World “bloody globe” choices, to
see if you can come up with any new ones!
The more funds come in through channels like this, the more Heather lets
me spend on hobby-related activities.
Now, on to zine news.
Stephen Agar, long-time UK Diplomacy powerhouse who has risen from the
ashes time and again, recently started a new Dipzine entitles Strange Meeting. It was meant to run some Diplomacy and other
games, and to provide a place for Stephen to write about his work on the UK
Postal Zine Archive. I blame myself a
bit for that, as I was doing all this work on my own Postal Diplomacy Zine
Archive and I think a bit of the enthusiasm rubbed off on him. Unfortunately, his job and personal life (not
to mention some computer issues) have taken up almost all of his previously
free time. In an effort to help out, I
have taken on two of his three Strange
Meeting Diplomacy games (“Bellicus” and “Chimaera”), which appear in
this issue for the first time, continuing where they left off. The third game, “Albion,” we plan on running
here as well with Stephen continuing as GM (as I’m a player in that game). If necessary, I will drop from that game and
take over as GM, but we’re hopeful Stephen can run it, and then use Eternal Sunshine for a place to
put any occasional column he wants to write about his archives, life, or any
other topic which grabs him. Oh,
incidentally, if you follow these transferred games, please note they are being
run under predictive style “English” rules, which means
you submit possible retreats, builds, and removals in ADVANCE (your Autumn
retreats and Winter adjustments are submitted at the same time as your Fall
moves). I’d consider running other games
in this fashion, if the demand was there.
This issue of ES also contains the results of the first Eternal
Sunshine 7x7 Gunboat Tournament. The
games had been ending one at a time for a while now, but in the last one (“Old
Age”) the wars continued until Summer 1916, when a
draw was finally reached. I do plan on
running another 7x7 sometime in the future, but not immediately. I’m more interested in running some other
variants. Any
suggestions? and any interest? I gave the 7x7 players the opportunity to
write up any end-game statements they might like to have published, but as of
this moment there haven’t been any takers.
No matter. As promised, the
winner of the 7x7 will receive a DVD, but you’ll have to look further in the
zine to see who that winner was!
Other than that, the issue is the same as usual. Not sure if Heather will appear or not (at
this moment I tend to doubt it; she’s got other things on her mind this
weekend, not the least of which is trying to figure out how to get through a
3-day weekend without strangling me), but we do have Jack McHugh, Andy York,
and all the usual games and features.
Remember, if you’re interested in a one-shot, occasional, or monthly
column of your own (with or without games) just get in touch with me. The Deviant Diplomacy II game shifts into
high gear this issue; do yourself a favor and keep an eye on that variant, as
you never know where it is going to take you.
Enjoy the zine, and the month, and I’ll see you late in June!
Playlist: Poco - Gold; Gordon Lightfoot – If You Could Read My
Mind; Cat Stevens – Tea For the Tillerman; Elton John – Tumbleweed Connection;
Trainspotting – Soundtrack; Joe Jackson – At the BBC. Yeah, it’s been a strange month for the
playlist.
Halfway
Home at the Halfway House – Part Five
My
first day out looking for work, all in the same shopping center (four corners
of a major mid-Dallas intersection) would also be my first day out on my own in
semi-freedom. The long bus journey to
Texas didn’t really count, because I was so shell-shocked and tired that there
was very little I could do but try to make it from station to station. This, however, was my first day of what
seemed like being a normal person (despite all the phone calls I would have to
make). I knew I had to make the most of
it, because the following day I’d be dealing with another nightmare: a trip to
my therapist/counselor for the duration of my halfway house stay, followed by a
trip BACK to the halfway house (because passes were only permitted for a
certain number of house), and THEN back out to try and figure out how to get my
Social Security card and driver’s license.
What fun!
Because
I was going to be out during lunch hours, I had been sure to sign up for the
bag lunch the halfway house provided.
Meals there were hit and miss.
Breakfasts on weekdays were decent, but only served VERY early; get up
or you’d be out of luck. Lunch was
simple cafeteria food, and dinner could either be rather edible, or terrible,
depending on what they had. Overall it
was still better than prison food. On
weekends, breakfast was a stale donut or some sugar cereal, and lunch and
dinner (while no better than other days) were big events for those of us who
didn’t have weekend passes. Meals were
pretty much all you had to look forward to.
I’d
also been smart enough to schedule my leaving on this job hunt for after
9:30am, so I didn’t have to fight for space in the van with all of the people
who actually HAD jobs. If the van was
full, you were out of luck, unless another driver was around to take the backup
van and drive the leftovers. All they
did was ferry us up to the train station, from where we began the
public-transportation journey to wherever we were going. Dallas actually has a decent light rail and
bus system, so you can get quite far within the “metroplex” – as far north as
Plano, out to parts of Mesquite and Garland, and by tying in with the
heavy-rail Trinity Rail Express, you could connect with the Fort Worth system
too. As I may have mentioned previously,
if you got a job where it was even remotely possible to get there and back by
public transportation, you would not be permitted to drive a car. Only if you found work outside those areas
could you apply for driving privileges.
And since the only way to apply for those types of jobs in person was to
have a family member drive you around, that plan was out of reach. While my family was planning on moving my
late father’s old Hyundai Accent down to Texas for me to drive once I was ready
to be on home confinement, in the meantime it was the bus and the train for me.
Part
of the difficulty with applying for jobs when you live in the halfway house is
you have to be completely honest when filling out the applications. There’s no sense lying about your conviction,
because the employer is going to have to deal with the halfway house on a regular
basis anyway. So when those questions
about “have you been convicted of a felony within the last five years (or
seven, or ten), you are instructed to mark yes and when it asks for details, to
put “will explain in person.” The theory
is that this gives you the opportunity to speak to the manager in person, and
put the best possible face on what you did and how you’re been
rehabilitated. In practice, it doesn’t
work that way at all. I moved from store
to store on my list (and even one or two which I hadn’t listed), filled out
their form (or used their electronic kiosk for job applicants), and left. Nobody asked for more information, and if I
wanted to speak to the manager I was always told they were not available. There simply wasn’t much hope for me to get
any of these retail jobs. Aside from the
fact that I was a convicted felon, with no mode of transportation other than
public (which limited the hours I could work), my address was some odd-sounding
place in Hutchins which to some might appear to be a homeless shelter of some
sort. I was over 35 years old, with no
retail experience since I had been 17.
Plus, because I had been convicted of a type of fraud, my crime was of
the “moral turpitude” category…in other words, I could not be trusted.
I
think I filled out about 8 applications that day, and only received one bit of
positive response. The deli manager at a
grocery store asked me if I was truly interested in working, because she needed
people. I said I absolutely was, would
work any shift I could based on bus schedules, and was
willing to work weekends as well. She
seemed enthusiastic, and told me she’d go pull my application and be in touch
the following day. As expected, I never
heard from her. If she HAD called, I
doubt the message ever would have gotten to me anyway, but I just assumed she
brought it to her boss and he gave it the thumbs down. I was actually a bit surprised that there was
less interest from retailers about menial jobs for felons, if only because of
the $3,000 tax break they could apply for if you worked there for a full 90
days (I think, maybe it was 120 days).
Still, my experience during my time at the halfway house showed that
most of the people I was living with would think nothing of skipping work, or
quitting with zero notice. So the
prospect of actually finding someone who you wanted to keep for that long AND
who was willing to show up for work for that long was probably a major long
shot.
On
the bus, heading back towards the pickup point to return to the halfway house, I
dug through the bagged lunch I had been provided. Clearly these lunches would not be a
preferred method of sustenance. There
was a delicious dry bologna sandwich on white bread, a semi-edible apple, a
pack of crackers, and a juice box. As my
time at the halfway house went on in the coming months, I would find myself
still requesting these bagged lunches, specifically to leave on bus stop
benches for the homeless or others who might really need or want the food.
The
following day I was ready for the daunting and enjoyable task of running back
and forth between the halfway house and Dallas.
First thing in the morning I had to make a trip to my mandatory
drug/alcohol/psychiatric counseling intake interview. Then, instead of simply being allowed to go
downtown, I had to pass THROUGH downtown and go BACK o the halfway house, wait
half an hour, and THEN go back downtown to try and resolve this who Social
Security/driver’s license mess. During
the course of the time I’d been at the halfway house, family members had been
calling the prison, asking if anybody had located the ones that had been sent
for me there (and signed for). No luck…either they were lost, someone was lying, or (most likely)
people were simply too lazy to go look for them.
The
procedure to solve this problem was a bit convoluted. First I’d have to go to the Social Security
office, present them with my birth certificate and a photo ID (which in this
case would be an expired driver’s license that Heather brought me from
home). Then the Social Security
department would be willing to provide me with a letter stating that they
verified that this was in fact my proper Social Security number. With that, I was told I should be able to get
a copy of my current DL (which I’d renewed prior to incarceration, so it was
NOT expired). Then, with the birth
certificate and the CURRENT photo ID I could get a true Social Security
card. The offices were within a few blocks
of each other, so it wouldn’t be much travel time; just bureaucracy time. With luck I MIGHT be able to complete these
errands in one afternoon. If not, I’d
find myself wasting another precious day filling out forms instead of looking
for a job.
First,
however, it was off to meet Tom, my new counselor. He was a very easygoing, friendly sort. He
asked a bunch of questions, went over my personal history with me, and informed
me that as part of my after-prison program I would now be required to meet with
him once a month personally, and to attend twice-weekly group therapy sessions. As I wasn’t working yet, the groups would be
Tuesday and Thursday in the late afternoon.
There was also a Saturday morning meeting, but that was usually reserved
for people who couldn’t get off work during the week. The bus schedules I looked at made these
appointments look like a hassle to get to and from, but otherwise it would
simply be part of life. The only
positive was it meant I would NOT have to take part of the counseling program
they did within the halfway house, which I’d heard was a pain in the ass. My halfway house case manager Mr. Jonas (who
was also a pretty easygoing guy) told me I did have to take a few life-skills
classes, but the way he ran them if you couldn’t make it because of work he
just wanted you to do the page of homework and turn it back in. More than anything else, it sounded like a
formality which they were required to do in order to retain the contract with
the Federal government.
After
the complete beating or going ALL the way back to Hutchins, waiting 30 minutes
for the next van, and leaving for Dallas again, I made my way to the Social
Security office. Unfortunately, it was
clear I would Not be able to complete this maze of
lines and forms in one day, because the SS office closed earlier than I
hoped. All I was able to do was get the
initial letter from Social Security, and then go wait on line for 90 minutes to
get my drivers license. Twice I had to
ask someone to hold my place in line as I went to the payphone to call in and
request “additional time” from my two hour pass to complete the task. Fortunately for me, Mr. Chekov (the head of
the halfway house) was unavailable both times, and the woman who worked
directly under him was much easier to deal with. She simply approved my extension and said to
get back as soon as I was able.
The
only eventful part of the driver’s license process (aside from the horrendously
long line, filled with people who didn’t bother to fill out the forms properly
or listen to instructions) were the two female County
Constables. One walked up and down the
line, asking to see paperwork so they could try and make sure you were where
you were supposed to be, and had what you needed on hand to complete the
task. This way you would waste the least
amount of time when you made it up to the front desk. The Constable walking the line didn’t take
crap from anybody. If you gave her any
grief, she’d threaten to have you pulled from the line. A number of very grumpy people discovered
they did not have what they needed to complete the task they wanted, and left
muttering obscenities. When she reached
me, she was going to do the same until she realized I wasn’t looking for a NEW
license but a copy of a “lost” and unexpired one. So I’d passed the first test.
For
an anxious mess like me, who had no faith in the criminal justice system to get
things correct, the NEXT step was the scariest.
See, when you’re almost ready to released from Federal prison, they do a
thorough check with all state and local agencies to make sure that you don’t
have any outstanding warrants or other legal complications. If you do, they try to help you work them
out…otherwise, instead of being released to a halfway house, you are released
into the custody of the state, county, or local jurisdiction. So, in 99.9% of the cases, once you’re
released, you know you have no other criminal legal problems waiting for
you. In my case, that was no
surprise. I’d never had a problem
before, except for two speeding tickets (one in Texas and one in New Jersey)
which I had paid immediately. But I’m a
worst case scenario kind of person, so as I got closer to the front of the line
my anxiety grew.
I’d
heard about this from people at the halfway house. Fellow “clients” had gone to get driver’s
licenses or (if unable to do that) Texas state ID cards, and never come
back. What happened was, when you got to
the front of the line, they’d run a check on you in the computer system. If something came back, a “red flag” from a
warrant to an unpaid ticket of some sort.
That’s when the clerk calmly asks you to “stand to the side for a
moment” until someone comes through the door behind the counter with your
paperwork (supposedly your license, ID, or whatever you came there for). Instead, a huge African-American 7-foot
Amazon-looking Constable comes through the door, asks you to follow her through
the doorway…and you disappear.
Fortunately,
that wasn’t the case with me. I made it
to the line, and left with my copy of my unexpired driver’s license. While I still needed to get a true copy of my
Social Security card, the confirmation letter I held would suffice
temporarily. While it took the waste of
an entire precious day to complete this mission, and the clock was ticking
before my first “violation” for failure to find work, I could at least feel
like I was headed in the right direction.
That didn’t make me feel any less anxious,
however…find a job was clearly going to be the hardest part of my halfway house
existence.
And the best part?
I would have thought that was obvious…I’d be able to see Heather face to
face for two hours over the weekend. The
fact that it would take place in the visiting room was only a minor bother; I’d
waited so many months to see her with my own eyes, to gaze into her loving blue
pools, to smell her skin and her perfume, and to touch her with my own hands –
even if it was just to hold hers. These
were the moments I had pictured during my worst nights in prison, and I didn’t
want to let anything ruin them. Not even
the prospect of being sent back to prison for “refusal to find employment”
(there’s a joke if I ever heard one) could dampen my enthusiasm for seeing
Heather again, and wrapping my arms around her in a big, tight, long hug.
Last
month, we gave you this hypothetical: Your
significant other rarely uses text messaging on their cell phone. One Sunday evening at about 8pm you are asked
to see if you can figure out how to work some application on the phone. As you do so, a text message comes in, saying
“Hey, what’s up?” You reply “Who is
this?” and get a message back, “It’s (insert name here).” “You play honest and say “This isn’t my
phone, it’s my spouse’s, I’m just fixing it.” To that you get a simple “Oh sorry, I thought
this was my cousin Terry’s phone.” Since your spouse has had the same number for
over four years, you are a bit suspicious.
But you don’t mention it. The
next day after work, you ask about it and are told it was his/her supervisor at
work who had texted, and they’d left a voicemail on their work phone saying “I
texted you last night, hope I didn’t get you in trouble.” How suspicious should you be, and what do you
do if anything?
Melinda Holley - If my significant other had cheated on me before, he's used his last chance and he's out on his ass. If there'd
been no previous cheating, I wouldn't think a thing about it.
Jérémie Lefrancois – Hmm...
that sounds strange, does not it ? Could I use the
word "fishy"? I would keep a close eye on the matter, and wait until
I have proof or near proof and then ask for an explanation. Anyhow, calls from
work at home are not welcome, all the more on Sunday evenings.
Tom
Swider - I am used to getting wrong numbers
and have been at the same number for 5 years, so I likely wouldn't be
suspicious if this happened to me. In this case, there's a disconnect
between the excuse given by the caller and by the S.O. Leaving
a voicemail about a text message sounds shady. So it's just a
matter of finding out if the supervisor has a cousin named Terry or not. Could do that during a company picnic. There's probably some
sort of screen name you could get off of the phone. I'd try to approach the
problem of a cheating S.O. through an open and honest discussion about the
relationship (not bringing in outsiders but just about my S.O and I).
Heather Taylor – Since
I am a jealous bitch I would be somewhat suspicious and I would thoroughly
interrogate Doug to try and find out if there is any reason to worry further.
My Answer: I force Heather to
quit her job, and lock her in the closet for a week to teach her a lesson. If that doesn’t work, I get out the shock
collar.
For Next Month (For the time being, I plan on selecting
questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by
High Games Enterprises. I highly
recommend the game for when you get together with family, or friends you know
pretty well. It doesn’t lend itself well
as a game unless the people who are playing know each other better than just as
casual acquaintances, because the game requires you to decide if the players
are being honest with their answers. I
found my copy this month in storage, still in perfect condition. If a few of you ask for more information,
I’ll write up a review of the game for next issue. Anyway, these questions are much more
straightforward and simple, so I am going to list two per issue. Remember you can make your answers as
detailed as you wish.): 1. A good friend
has just bought an expensive painting and asks if you like it. You think it is awful. Do you say so? 2. You have no fondness for a wealthy
aunt. She is old and looking for
heirs. Do you treat her more kindly?
This was just a little poll, which grew out
of one of those “tell everybody about yourself” things
you see on Facebook or on mass emails.
But I thought about this one question, and I was interested in hearing
everybody else’s response. The task was
simple: give me three songs which never get old (in your opinion). Please include the artist if you know it, or
if it’s a song with many versions…just choose the one version in particular
which doesn’t get old for you. Here’s
what I received so far. Anybody else
want to offer their opinion?
Don Williams: Three sets of three…Bird On A Wire by Leonard Cohen; Let It Roll by
BTO; Never Been to Spain by Three Dog Night. Baba O’Riley by The
Who; One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer by George Thorogood and the
Destroyers; Barracuda by Heart. Call
Me by Blondie; Money For Nothing by Dire Straits; Smokin’ by
Boston.
[[How about the rest of you? Let’s hear
some more input!]]
Is Anybody There? – Given the right
film, Michael Caine has always had the ability to carry himself as one of the
great actors of the last 40 years, from Zulu
to Alfie to The Italian Job and on through the ages. Occasionally a bit loose with his choices, in
recent years he his presence has been a welcome, shining attraction in a number
of very satisfying movies; his part in Children
of Men, in particular, I found terribly moving. Now we are presented with Is Anybody There?, which despite its
rather simple setting and what could have been twisted into a trite plot, the
strength of Caine carries the film through from beginning to end (with some
help from a young Bil Milner). Milner
plays Edward, a child of about ten. He
lives with his parents in their home in late-80’s England, an only child,
surrounded only by the other occupants: old folks whom have come to live in the
home, as his parents converted it into a rest home as an attempt to get a
business off the ground. It is crowded,
his parents are on edge with each other, and death is always around the
corner. Edward has become fascinated
with death, or more specifically with the idea of knowing what happens after
death, and whether ghosts move about in our world, unseen. When a resident dies, his first instinct
isn’t to report it but to try and record any signs of a ghostly presence with
his audio cassette recorder.
Enter
Clarence Parkinson (Michael Caine), who has been moved to the home by social
services against his will. He arrives in
a small van decorated with advertisements from his prior career: The Amazing
Clarence, a magician. It is at this
simple plot point that the entire film could have been derailed, but Caine and
Director John Crowley allow Caine room to reveal a complex and honest
character. Clarence is angry at being
moved into a home filled with doddering old folks he is afraid of become like,
bitter at being alone, frustrated at his complete lack of control, and sadly
aware that physically and mentally he is deteriorating. His anger and frustration is not hidden; in
one early scene he and Edward scream at each other after a minor incident with
a soccer ball, and Caine walks away crying in misery.
Eventually,
a bond is built between the two, but that bond is always strained by the bitter
lessons Clarence wants to teach Edward: among them “Your life changes, and not
always for the better” and “You collect regrets, and they stick to you like old
bruises.” Clarence most succinctly
expresses his frustration in one moving scene when he exclaims “It just hurts
to get this far and realize that there is NOTHING!” Despite his rages, their bond grows, and
Edward does his best to help Clarence resolve issues from his past.
There
are messages in Is Anybody There?,
but they are not crammed down your throat:
the aged have things to teach us, and they are desperate for the
slightest bit of comfort and understanding; death is not to be feared, but
accepted; you make your choices in life, choose your path, and it is better not
to waste your years wishing that choice had been different. Above all, the film tries to show that life
changes for the better and for the worse, and that moments of happiness can be
found if you look for them.
Is Anybody There? is
quite good, and produced a good number of tears for Heather and myself. I highly recommend it.
Seen on DVD – The Producers (original) (B-, while
this film at one time was an A, what was once hilarious and shocking has now
become less profound then the normal things we see every day. Plus the whole “make it into a Broadway
musical” thing makes me enjoy the film a bit less. Not every good movie ever made has to be
remade, or reworked into a musical. I’m
still trying to figure out why they tried to turn Carrie into one.) Mirrors
(C, in general not a bad little horror/suspense film, but the way they wrap
the story up, plus th every end, kinda ruin the whole effect.) Flawless
(B-, most of the movie is well done and generally interesting, but the
ending is – once again – so stupid, that it all falls apart). Mute
Witness (A-, Heather had never seen this film before. Quite good suspense flick
that didn’t get a lot of attention when it came out, and now it has been long
forgotten. Find it and see it). Junebug
(D, Amy Adams is real cute and clearly can play comedic roles as well, or
even better, than serious ones; after all, she got her start in the hilarious
Drop Dead Gorgeous. But she’s the only
thing in this movie worth watching.
Forget it.) The Laramie Project (B+, a rather powerful film, which leads more
to discussion than answers – as most films of this type are likely to do. There are no real answers).
Sharp Objects by
Gillian Flynn – Based on the praise
heaped on this book on the back, from people like Stephen King and both major
Chicago newspapers, I think I may have been expecting more from this first
novel than I actually received (it was also an Edgar Nominee for Best First
Novel). A Suspense/thriller by the chief
TV critic ant Entertainment Weekly (or at least she was when this came out 2006),
it deals with a serious of gruesome child murders in a small Missouri
town. Camille Preaker, the main
character, returns to the town where she grew up, and the family she has never
felt comfortable with, to investigate the crimes for the Chicago paper she
works for. Along the way she is forced
to deal with, in one way or another, many issues of her childhood. I can’t say whether this criticism of the
novel is accurate or not, but this is how it read for me personally: this book
is written by someone who has read quite a bit about mental illness and how it
affects those around us, but not by someone who has much personal experience
with it. Maybe that is unfair, but
that’s what I was left with when I finished.
It’s still a decent read, but so many avenues of how we affect each
other, and how mental illness can be both inflicted and absorbed, were left
untouched or glossed over. I suppose
that could be because the subject matter is more personal to the author than I
think, and therefore too painful, but that’s not the impression I get. Overall, an over-praised
book, but not a bad one.
Jérémie Lefrancois: Ok, now
I have caught up with all the ES issues. I printed the ones I was late about,
and read them nicely in my sofa on my free time these last four days.
[[You’re still ahead of people who read ES
only through the print version of The Abyssinian Prince!]]
I even discovered there was a joker entry for the "popular demand"
game!
[[I’m still surprised how many people have
not noticed that.]]
Of course, the prison part is what I prefer. I look almost as forward to
reading it that the actual game part (for the game I am involved in).
[[I hope you’ll find some enjoyment or
interest in the other subject matter I’ve got in mind to write about in the future,
too.]]
Something I will not read for sure are the
cooking recipes - cooking is one of the things I do so little if never. My 11
year old daughter has probably now overtaken me in this field (she likes to
cook sweets).
I was very moved by the list from Heather. It reminded me a bit of my
sister, but my sister did not go through so much trouble. What comes to my mind
is in these cases is the hen and egg issue: was Heather so uneasy in life
because she did not get love from her mother, or did her mother did not like
her because she displayed weakness all the time? Anyhow, I do not know her
mum's age now, but there is probably not so much time left, so it is best to
keep cool and concentrate on the next generation,
the little ones. And besides, in France, or to my
knowledge, Valentine’s is only for lovers to make presents, not family or
friends.
[[Heather
likes to find reasons to give presents for all holidays, and she truly spends a
god deal of time looking for personal items which match the recipient
perfectly, while still keeping economics in perspective. She gets a lot of enjoyment out of it, but it
does hurt her quite a bit when the gifts aren’t at least acknowledged with a
simple thank you.]]
Dane Maslen: I found this one of your most interesting articles. It's
amazing that such an ill-conceived set of rules could be thrown together so as
to make things almost impossible for anyone trying to follow them while
simultaneously failing to catch anyone intent on breaking them!
[[That’s a very accurate description. In many ways, the only people caught up in
the rules are the ones who are not thinking criminally…expect for the rare few
who are so incredibly stupid that they flaunt their breaking of the rules over and over.]]
Tom Swider: Facebook seems
kind of interesting. Got back in touch with an old flame, and got a lot of junk
mail because of FlapJack and Cathy Ozog wanting to recruit members for their
MobWars mob.
[[I spend less time there than I did the first couple of weeks,
but I am very happy with being able to re-establish some old
relationships. It does make me
melancholy though, as I start thinking about how closed-off I kept myself
during those High School years, and what friendships and support I missed along
the way.]]
Fully agree with Robert Lesco ... what was I thinking about Phil Collins?
[[Tom Swider admits he was wrong about something? WOW!]]
Only Tom Cruise movie I liked was Eyes Wide Shut. He actually came across as something
greater than a 2D image. Nice performance by Sydney
Pollack. Not as open ended as anything from Lynchland, but has that
Kubrik trademark of a person being the source of their own downfalls. The end
was also well done ... keeping one's eyes widely shut to the lies necessary to
keep their marriage together.
[[Rain Man was decent, and I really like A Few Good Men for the
sake of the terrific dialogue. Otherwise
they generally suck or are adequate time-kills (like Minority Report) where
someone else could have done a much better job.]]
Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance
By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com
(or
just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)
Issue #7
I am so depressed. I don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong,
but it just seems that my life never goes in the right direction. Maybe I should be like George on Seinfeld and
just do the opposite. I try to do the
right things. I watch the people on
commercials, and they all seem to be having happy, fulfilled lives. So I buy the products they use, but I don’t
get the same sort of results. Women
don’t flock to me when I use body spray; I don’t have these wonderful
get-togethers with friends in exotic locations, enjoying glasses of wine while
the sun sets behind us. No…I get to
struggle, trying to find a full-time job while homeless people bug me for spare
change and the neighbor’s stupid dog barks all night long. Has television been lying to me all these
years? I don’t want to believe that, but
little by little I’m becoming convinced.
I wish Captain Kirk was here.
He’d tell me what to do. Or Dr. House.
The neighbor’s dog is a
real problem, because I need my beauty sleep.
After playing Mafia Wars on Facebook all night, I’ve got to get some
sleep before I suffer through my journey to Dilbert-like Cubeville. I’m an animal lover, so there isn’t much I
can do about the dog itself. I don’t
want to shoot it or poison it or throw anything at it, or even get it sent to
the pound. So I’ve developed smaller
measures of revenge. Last week I stuck a
rainbow sticker on my neighbor’s bumper.
Yesterday I turned on his outside faucet (to a slow flow) before I left
for work; by the time I got home his side yard was a mess. Maybe he’ll get foundation damage and the
whole place will collapse, trapping him inside.
At least the dog will be okay, since he never brings the damn thing in!
As long as I’m
complaining, let me bitch for a few minutes about packrats. Dougie and I were chatting about this the
other day, because his mother was a major packrat, and he’s
had to fight the urge to become one for many years. I have a close friend who is a supreme
packrat. I just don’t understand the
mental illness that creates a modern packrat.
But they are all the same.
First, they never want
to throw anything away (obviously). The
reasons given are one of four: this is an antique (or worth money); this WILL
be worth money someday; this has sentimental value (“my great uncle gave me
this issue of Newsweek five days before he moved to Canada); or “somebody might
need this someday.” Aside from obvious
trash (empty food containers, half-eaten food, dirty
cat litter) just about anything can be fit into one of these four
categories. In fact, even some empty
food containers can fall into category number two – “an empty Wheaties box with
Rusty Wallace on it? NASCAR fans will be
searching for this in ten years.”
There’s also the fifth,
most dangerous category for a packrat: “I’m not done with this yet.” Any book, magazine, game, puzzle, unfinished
model, craft project, letter, article, or anything else can fit in here. If it isn’t something the packrat personally
has created, it’s most likely a “bargain” they found somewhere (garage sales
and thrift stores are like heroin to the packrat). “Check this out, I bought 150 opera boxed set
LP’s for only $25. Some of these are
rare, I’m sure of it. First I’ll
catalogue them all, figure out their value, burn them onto CD’s so I can enjoy
them myself, and then sell the really expensive ones on eBay. Huh? I
know I don’t like opera, that’s why I bought them, so I can learn to like it,
and plus this way I won’t feel like I need to hang on to them for no reason.”
The thing about the
packrat which is so ironic is they seem to have a reverse relationship between
the overall amount of storage space available to them, and the accumulation of
worthless crap they want to save. So all
these so-called “antiques” (anything over 10 years old) and “collectibles”
(toys from McDonald’s happy meals) get crammed into boxes, put into piles, and
stuffed into every imaginable corner, shelf, closet, garage, shed, and
crawlspace you can imagine.
Want to have some
fun? Try to steer a conversation with a
packrat towards some vague area they’re likely to have been interested in at
one time…old Matchbox cars, issues of National Geographic, old SPI war games,
something like that. Feign interest
(that means pretend you care about what you’re talking about, idiots), and
watch the packrat spend the next two hours going crazy trying to figure out
where he put some piece of junk he’s saving which relates to the topic. “Damn it, I know I put that Corgi ambulance
in here somewhere. See, Corgis are worth
a lot more than Matchbox cars. This one
only has two wheels, but I think it still has one of the little medics. Hmmm…I know, it must
be in the middle of the third pile in the garage. Wait here, I’ll go find it!” Use this opportunity to eat anything good in
the fridge (or carry a few sixes of excellent local-brew beer to your car),
steal all the quarters from his change pile, or just get up and leave. He won’t be back for two hours anyway, and by
then he might not even remember you’d been there in the first place!
In baseball, now that we
are nearing the end of the second month, let’s take a quick look at how my
predictions are faring. In the AL East I
had Toronto on top, and so far so good.
Of course, in this division anything could happen. Baltimore in last place was a lock, and
remains one. The suck
like a Hoover. In the AL Central
I was right about KC’s resurgence, but it’s too early to tell how things will
work out. Detroit is doing better than I
expected. And, as Dougie likes to remind
me, my pick of Texas in first in the AL West is right on target. Great pitching, timely hitting, and even
their fielding has improved.
In the National League,
as expected Philly and the Mets are fighting it out. But damn, I though Washington would be
playing better. They look like a AA team. The NL
Central is a much stronger division than expected, so anyone can still win…well,
anyone but my pick, Pittsburgh. I
thought they’d be doing in the NL what Texas is doing in the AL. No such luck.
So much for the “due” theory. The stupid steroid Dodgers have completely
screwed up my NL West predictions. But I
hope karma will help drag them back into the pack, and an August swoon might
set the division the way it belongs.
It’s a long season.
My
Eagles had what I thought was a terrific draft this year. This was especially important because I want
to make sure the Cowgirls suffer a terrible season in their new $46 trillion
stadium. Nothing is more fun than
watching the rubber, stretched face of crypt-keeper Jerry Jones cringe as his
“most talented team in the NFL” sucks the wind out of ever fair weather Dallas
fan. Well, at least this year they may
still have the Rangers playing meaningful baseball when the football season
starts. I know Dougie would get a huge
laugh if the Cowgirls failed to sell out a few home games, blacking out the television
broadcast in the local market.
See you next month. Send some letters in the meantime; I get so
damn lonely.
by W. Andrew York
(wandrew88 of gmail.com)
===================================
Well, I’m back in Austin after
the trip to Lubbock. Nice place to visit, but..... I did have a good visit,
being able to spend time with my friend, eat some good food and just plain
relaxing. I never did get to the glider museum, so hopefully next visit. And,
speaking of a “next visit”, I’ll be traveling to Pittsburgh at the end of June.
So, please be prompt in submitting anything for the next column. The deadline
is the 27th and I fly out the morning of the 28th. So, I don’t know if I’ll be
able to incorporate anything received after the deadline.
You may ask,
why are you going to Pittsburgh? Well, it is where this year’s American Mensa’s
Annual Gathering is being held. I hadn’t planned on attending, even after
thoroughly enjoying last year’s event in Denver. I go as much for the non-Gathering
opportunities as for the actual event, and I didn’t think there would be much
to do. But, one of the arranged optional trips is to Fallingwater - and that
was the tipping point as I’ve wanted to see that for some time. Plus, that trip
includes a visit to another nearby Frank Lloyd Wright house, which is an added
bonus. So, after looking at the options, I’m also going to take in a Pirates
baseball game, visit some of the museums and, of course, enjoy the Gathering
itself.
Commentary
Summer is upon us,
time for vacations and yardwork, projects to complete and events to attend,
along with opportunities to enjoy the neighbors’ company. Summer and the
accompanying good weather give each of us a chance to get out of the house,
enjoy the outdoors and to just plain enjoy life. It also allows us to interact
more with the community and improve relationships with others.
With the good
weather, I try to schedule as many things outdoors as I can. When I read, I’ll
set out on the apartment’s stoop (well, if it is in the shade). This gives me
the chance to greet my neighbors, get to know them a bit and to help create a
community. I also will go to the complex pool (once the hail destroyed
furniture is replaced) to get a little sun, splash in the pool and interact
with some of the other folks in the complex. This can be emulated in a
neighborhood by doing activities on the front porch or lawn, rather than in the
all-too-often fenced back yards.
I’ve lived in
complexes where you don’t know or interact with the other tenants, and I’ve
found I’ve lost a number of chances to help people, accept their help and to
share with them. It also makes day-to-day living a bit on the lonely side. On
the other hand, taking the opportunity to say ‘hi’, ask if you can help tote in
groceries or just plain chit-chat brightens both your life and those you live
near. And, who knows, they may in turn mention they are going to the store,
asking if you need anything, or even pick up a refreshing sno-cone for you on a
hot afternoon.
I encourage you to
take the opportunities you have this summer to get out, enjoy summer and meet
your neighbors - make a neighborhood out of the cluster of apartments or houses
that you live in.
Letter Column
(always welcome,
send them in!)
Doug Kent: I bet you’re looking forward to the new
Trek film. Heather and I don’t plan on seeing it, at least not until it is on
DVD. But speaking to the people I know who have seen it, it sounds like the
franchise is in good hands. WAY: You are correct,
I usually see new Star Trek films on the first morning, first showing (skipping
any midnight shows). Unfortunately, once I had tickets, they announced that
there were going to be some showings on Thursday night, so I didn’t quite
follow my usual practice. Anyway, five of us showed up for a 10:10am screening
that Friday morning and quite enjoyed it in a moderately filled theater. Three
of us ended up seeing it again the following Tuesday at a sold-out IMAX
showing. Very good movie which I’ll certainly pick up on DVD - and I’ve heard
they are already planning the next film.
Dane Maslen: I found the report of the Apollo 8
reunion very interesting. I knew that Apollo 8 had been considered a risky
mission at the time (NASA being somewhat stampeded into it by the probably
incorrect belief that the Russians were getting close to trying something
similar), but I am amazed by the probabilities quoted by Frank Borman. On the
other hand it has to be admitted that of nine Apollo missions that involved
leaving Earth orbit, one went so pear-shaped that the crew could very easily
have been lost, so I guess that suggests that the risks on the first such mission
must indeed have been considerable. WAY: Actually it was Anders who made
the probability comment and, considering all the things that could have gone
wrong, I think he was optimistic. Some of the hurdles mentioned were - the
mission changing from an Earth orbital to a moon orbital a few months prior to
launch, Lovell was a back-up astronaut brought in late in the schedule and that
the Saturn booster hadn’t had a successful launch were brought up during the
discussion. And, you are correct, this mission was very much influenced by the
fear that the Soviets would send someone to the moon before the US could get
there - as at this time, for the “big” space milestones, America had yet to
achieve one before the USSR did.
Poll
Question
Each month a question will be
posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the
next issue. Also, any response to
what folks have submitted for the previous question are
very welcome.
This issue: Are you tied to an electronic tether (Blackberry, cellphone, etc) or can you easily leave
those devices behind or turn them off?
Dane Maslen: Incidentally you asked about essential electronic
gadgets. I suppose that I have become very heavily dependent on my Pocket
PC. I originally bought it on a whim (I
was buying a digital camera online and decided to buy the Pocket PC ‘in case it
might be useful’).
For the next 4-5 months the
Pocket PC sat around completely unused as I saw no compelling reason to use.
Then I broke my right arm and one day found myself wanting to make notes while
playing a game of Outpost but incapable of writing with my left hand. It
occurred to me that I could manage the Pocket PC’s stylus left-handed without
any great problems. Once I started using the Pocket PC for that purpose, I realized
there were various other things that I could do more easily or reliably with it
rather than paper (my shopping list was one of the first things to go
electronic). It was the beginning of a slippery slope that has led to the
Pocket PC taking over large chunks of my life.
Doug Kent: I am not tied to any such devices, in part because
Heather REFUSES to allow my company to provide a blackberry to me. But I do
generally leave my laptop on at home, and check email often. This is only
partly due to work (but I do get quite a few requests for stuff during the
evenings or weekends). It’s also because most of my friends are those who live
nowhere near us, so on-line is the only way we communicate. Plus, I hate
talking on the phone. My cell phone is for making and receiving calls only,
I’ve disabled any texting features.
WAY: I’ve carried a pager since I was a police officer,
but I have yet to get a cell phone, install a DSL/Cable modem or (shudder) get
a smart phone/blackberry. That is going to have to change in the near future as
I’m going to be part of an on-call rotation at work that will require carrying
an agency issued cell phone for a week at a time (unless I have my own). Also,
I’ll need regular Internet access from the apartment, so I’ll have to find the
best deal I can get soon. Currently, if I want to go online, I go to the
apartment’s business center or take my agency issued laptop to a nearby
sandwich shop with a wireless connection - before that I did use a dial-up
modem. Like Doug, I am not a phone person and use it rarely. But with the basic
costs so high for a land-line, it is almost worth getting a cellphone for those
very few times it would be convenient to make a call when I’m away from the
apartment. Any suggestions on good/bad companies to look at or deals (I won’t
publish these personal recommendations in the column unless specifically told
they are for publication).
Yes, I’m known for my lack
technological immersion - curious for a person who works in IT. Some of the
folks I work with are heavily into the latest electronic gadgets, phones, computers and frequently upgrade to newer equipment. I, on
the other hand, buy when there is a reason to buy, not because “something new
is out”. For instance, the computer I use at home is about five and a half
years old using an Office suite from the early ‘90s. For what I use the
computer at home for, that is sufficient. Granted, there are some minor
incompatibility issues (see Hangman comments for an example); but, it works
well the vast majority of the time and there is no other compelling reason to
invest the time and money to upgrade just to upgrade.
My reluctance to buy something
just for a bell or whistle extends to other areas. In buying a car, m current
Saturn only has power steering as there was no option to avoid it. A standing
quip at work is how will I buy a new car when the time comes, seeing as I have
no desire for power windows (cranks work just fine) or cruise control (unless I
was in a position to routinely drive long distances) that are all but standard
installations in cars these days. My view is, unless you have a need for them,
that they are just something else that can break and end up costly to repair.
For next issue: Is there a vibrant future for the US car industry or should America depend on a globalized
market? That being said, if you bought a car today, what would it be?
===================================
Babylon
5 Quote
Delenn in Voices
of Authority: “Wars are won or lost
before they are fought...through preparation, attitude, strategy, and the
selection of proper allies.'"
Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by
J. Michael Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.
===================================
The
Month in History
June 4, 1989 - Crackdown on
protesters at Tiananmen Square reaches a peak, including the defiance of an
unknown student against a column
of tanks. The picture of the
standoff polarizes world opinion against the Chinese actions.
June 11, 1959 – The first
operational hovercraft is demonstrated in England.
June 15, 1919 - The first
non-stop flight across the Atlantic by two Brits who took off from Newfoundland
and crash-landed in Ireland.
This flight is eight years ahead of Lindbergh’s solo
flight to Paris.
Sources
include: current issue of Smithsonian
Recipe
of the Month
Recipe Philosophy: Except for
baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing
most everything. The listed
measurements, for the most
part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust
to meet your personal tastes –
and remember, it is easier
to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.
For ingredients, if you don’t
like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If
you like food with more spice, add
an extra jalapeno or use
habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the
jalapeno with half a bell
pepper. Optional items are
used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with
specific preferences.
Scallop Pasta
Salad
by W Andrew
York
(last modified May 25, 2009)
Ingredients:
1 pkg Rainbow-colored Spiral Pasta
1 lb Bay Scallops
3-4 Green Onions, diced (include soft part of green stem)
1 cn Cream of Mushroom Soup
8 oz Mushroom Pieces (canned is better than fresh)
1-2 tbl Minced Garlic
Olive Oil for sautéing
Parsley sprigs for garnish
Steps:
1. Cook pasta according to directions, keep in warm bowl if serving immediately
2. Sauté garlic for 2-3
minutes in oil, then add scallops and cook until almost done
3. Add mushrooms, stir briefly
and take off the heat
4. Add mushroom soup to pasta,
stir to coat pasta, add scallop mixture
5. Add onion, stir and top
with parsley just prior to serving
Notes:
- This can be cooled, then
served as a cold side salad/pasta dish with dinner or on buffet. Note - stir in
onions just prior to service to keep their
crunch.
- If served hot, it can be a main course or
side dish.
- If to be a hot dish, but made ahead of time,
undercook the scallops slightly. They’ll finish cooking when it is reheated for
service. Note - in this case, the salad
can be stored in a casserole dish and, when reheating, top with cheese.
- The is designed to have various textures (el
dante pasta, crunch of the onions, creaminess of the soup, feel of canned
mushrooms, etc) and to
colorful (rainbow pasta,
green of onions and parsley, white sauce). For more color, minced red peppers
(soften with cooking garlic)
or pimento can be stirred
in.
- This can easily be doubled or tripled for
large gatherings.
===================================
Game
Section
Hangman, By Definition
This is a five round game,
with each round consisting of a variable number of turns. The winner will be the
person who wins the most rounds, with a tie breaker being fewest
total number of turns in those winning rounds. Second tie breaker will
be the most number of letters guessed (by total count revealed, not by
individual letter).
Each round will consist of
identifying a word of at least six letters. Along with each word will be the
first definition given. Both words and definitions will be identified by blank
spaces. Words and definitions are verified in a dictionary that was my high
school graduation gift (slight hint to those who might want to find the
edition). [[Note – for the first round of this game, an online source was
used]]
The goal is to guess the word
in as few turns as possible. Each turn, all players will submit one letter to
be revealed. The letter submitted by the most players will be the letter
revealed in the next turn. Ties will be broken by a random method.
Additionally, each player should submit a guess for the word. Once the word is
correctly identified (spelling is important), that round will end and a new
round will begin. All players who guess the word in the same turn will share in
the win for the round. If the word is not guessed by the end of six turns with
no letter revealed, no one will win the round.
Along with revealing letters
in the word, letters will be revealed in the definition. There are no bonus
points for guessing any part of the definition, it is only there to help
players figure out the word. No guesses about parts of the definition will be
confirmed or displayed except by the letter revealed in that round.
All rounds start with the
letters “E” and “S” already revealed.
Round One, Turn One:
Letter Votes: A-1; D-1; L-1; R-1 Revealed: R (eight letters found)
Words Guessed: ((None))
- Brendan Whyte and Dane Maslen; Backwater - Andy Lischett; Monitored - Doug
Kent;
Round One, Turn Two:
Word: __
__ R __ __ __ __ E R
Definition: __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ E __ __ __ R __ __ __ __ __ __ __
__
__ E S __ R __ __ - __ __ __ __ E __ S __ __ E __ __ __ __ __ S
__ S E __
E S
__ E __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ S
__ __ __ __ __ E __ __ __ R __ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ R E E __ __
R __
__ __ __ __ __ R __ __ E
Revealed: E,
R, S
Player Comments:
Brendan Whyte: I think there’s a ‘used’ in there... WAY:
Well, there’s one place that could still be it.
Dane Maslen: I took a look at the Hangman game-start. In the
definition is the presence of spaces between words supposed to be
obvious? Currently, spaces
don’t seem to be showing up at all. WAY: Oops, I write this in an old
version of Word (6.0)
in Rich Text Format. To get
it to Doug, I convert it to a current version of Word (.doc format).
Unfortunately, there isn’t
a perfect conversion between
them. I generally have to add or subtract lines to get clean pages and, in this
case, the
spaces in the definition
lost their distinctiveness. I hope this is now corrected.
Possible future game openings
- Railway Rivals, Empire Builder, Liftoff!, Pandemic
Suggestions accepted for other
games to offer.
===================================
Deadline For The Next Issue
of Out of the WAY:
June 27th, 2009 at 7:00am – See You Then!
Game entries, letters of
comment and other material can be sent to:
wandrew88 at gmail.com; or
by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117
Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Philip
Murphy, Ian Pringle, William Wood, Rick Davis, need three more to fill. Get in on the fun now!
Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Two
players, need five more to fill.
Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the
currencies of the Diplomacy nations.
This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time (one just
joined this issue), and are then given 1000 units of every currency
still in circulation. The rules to
Bourse can be found in ES #24.
Intimate Diplomacy Round Robin (Black
Press):
Signed up: Tom Swider, Peter McNamara, needs two more. Four players, each playing
in 3 games at once (one game against each of the other three players). The rules to Intimate Diplomacy can be found in
ES #26. I’ll give ONE MORE month
to see if anybody wants to fill the spots before I drop it. It was suggested that I could simply run one
game between the two of them, and I might decide to do that.
By Popular Demand: Game currently
underway, join any time.
Standby List:
HELP! I need standby players!
I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so
keep your eyes open. I’m also considering
variants like Cline 9-Man, Fog of War, Youngstown, or Woolworth. Does anybody have an interest in
Kremlin? Or Stephen
Agar’s Cannibalism? And now that
Deviant Dip II is starting, if the rest of you realize what a fun variant it
is, I may offer another game of THAT (despite how many times I have been warned
not to)! If somebody wants to guest-GM a
game of anything, just say the word. If
you have specific game requests please let me know.
Eternal Sunshine 7x7 Gunboat Tournament Ends!
The first Eternal Sunshine 7x7 Gunboat
Tournament has finally ended. The last
game to finish was Old Age, which ended in an E/F/T draw in Summer
1916. Every other game ended in a solo
victory. Below you will find the game
reports on each of the seven games, and the final point tally from the
tournament itself. Finally, you’ll see
who the big winner was! It was
remarkable how well Turkey did in this tournament – to me, anyway.
Congratulations to David Partridge, who
edged out Marin Burgdorf for first place.
And major thanks go to Andy and Arthur for taking over when we lost two
players – one because of losing internet access for a month or more, and the
other who seemed to disappear from the hobby suddenly (including ceasing
publication of his terrific subzine and updating of his web site). David will be given the choice of a number of
DVDs I have here in the “winners pile” (unlike the movie quote prizes, most of
these are used, but free is free!) Watch
your email for a list of your choices David!
Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Spring 1906
Austria (Kevin
Wilson
- ckevinw “of” yahoo.com): F Aegean Sea - Constantinople
(*Fails*),
A
Bulgaria - Rumania (*Fails*), A Trieste Supports A Vienna – Budapest, F
Tunis - North Africa,
A
Vienna – Budapest, A Warsaw Hold.
England (Jérémie
LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Baltic Sea - Berlin
(*Fails*),
F
Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea, F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean
(*Fails*), F Liverpool - Irish Sea,
F
Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Portugal (*Bounce*), A Moscow – Ukraine, F Norwegian
Sea - North Sea,
A St
Petersburg - Moscow.
France (William Wood
– woodw “of” offutt.af.mil): A Burgundy – Gascony,
A
Paris Supports A Burgundy - Gascony (*Cut*).
Germany (Graham
Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Kiel
Supports A Ruhr – Munich,
A Ruhr - Munich.
Italy (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): A Brest
- Paris (*Fails*),
F
Gulf of Lyon Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean, F Marseilles
- Spain(sc) (*Fails*),
F Naples
- Tyrrhenian Sea, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*), F Spain(nc) - Portugal (*Bounce*),
F
Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean, A Venice -
Tyrolia.
Russia (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Berlin
Hold,
A
Budapest Supports A Rumania (*Dislodged*, ret Ser,
Gal, OTB), A Rumania Supports A Budapest (*Cut*),
A
Sevastopol Supports A Rumania.
Turkey (Brad Wilson
- bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F
Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec) (*Fails*),
F
Constantinople Supports F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec)
(*Cut*), A Smyrna Supports F Constantinople.
Fall 1906 Deadline is June 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
Italy – England:
You are a promise-breaker. Have you such a poor memory? Very well,
I’m coming to get you…
Italy to
France, Old and New: Sorry for the rather major and abiding incursion into your
country but you know the old saying, “When in Rome, plot on how to kick the
French out of France!”
ROME to
LONDON: Or is it ”Kick Jeremie out of
Great Britain?”
Austria
to the Narrator: What happened to
our story?
WILLIAMS
to KENT: If you’re going through the trouble of calling standbys,
couldn’t you at least get rid of one of these Wilson types? I’m so
confused ….
GM –
Williams: I’ve still got one or two other Wilsons I can bring in. So watch what you say!
ITALY to
KENT: I’d like to propose a new rule or two here …
Kent –
Italy: Bribes might help.
Germany -> Russia: (with tones of bitterness) I may not win, but I'll
sure as heck out last you...
NAPLES
to TUNIS: After you, sir, after you …
DUCKY to
SUCCESSIONISTA: Can’t we all just get along …
ROME to
BERLIN: OK, I’m sending a unit north this season to help you
finally retake MUN. Good grief, we meant to borrow it for a year or two,
not permanently colonize it. A whole cohort of German kindergarten
children now speaks fluent Italian and would never think of conquering Europe
for the greater glory of the Fatherland. I guess we’ll all just have to
get over it.
Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Fall
1902
Austria (Stephen
Agar – stephen “of” stephenagar.com): A Galicia – Rumania, A Rumania – Serbia,
F
Trieste Hold, A Vienna - Tyrolia (*Fails*).
England (Philip
Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): F English Channel - North Sea, A London Hold,
F Norway – Sweden, F Norwegian Sea - Barents Sea.
France (Brad Wilson
– bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): A Belgium Supports A Paris - Burgundy (*Dislodged*, ret Pic, OTB), A Brest Hold, A Paris – Burgundy, F
Portugal - Spain(sc) (*Fails*),
F
Spain(sc) - Marseilles (*Bounce*).
Germany (William
Wood – woodw “of” Offutt.af.mil): F Denmark
Supports F Norway – Sweden,
A Holland – Belgium, A Munich Hold, A Ruhr Supports A
Holland - Belgium.
Italy (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A
Piedmont - Marseilles (*Bounce*), A Tyrolia Hold,
F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon, F Western Mediterranean Supports F
Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon.
Russia (Jack McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Moscow Supports F Sevastopol, F
Sevastopol Hold,
F
Sweden – Skagerrak, A Ukraine Supports F Sevastopol, A
Warsaw Supports A Ukraine.
Turkey (Jim Burgess –
jfburgess “of” gmail.com): A Armenia -
Sevastopol (*Fails*),
F
Black Sea Supports A Armenia – Sevastopol, F Constantinople - Bulgaria(ec),
A
Greece Supports F Constantinople - Bulgaria(ec).
Supply Center Chart:
Austria:
Budapest,
Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=5 Build
1
England:
Edinburgh, Liverpool,
London, Norway, Sweden=5 Build
1
France:
Brest, Marseilles, Paris,
Portugal, Spain=5 Even
or Build 1
Germany:
Belgium, Berlin, Denmark,
Kiel, Munich=5 Build
1
Italy:
Naples, Rome, Tunis,
Venice=4 Even
Russia:
Moscow, Sevastopol, St
Petersburg, Warsaw=4 Remove
1
Turkey:
Ankara, Bulgaria,
Constantinople, Greece, Smyrna=5 Build
1
Unowned: Holland.
Winter
1902/Spring 1903 Deadline is June 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
Great
Britain – All: My fellow leaders,
Recent declarations made by prominent figures in the Houses of Parliament have urged a fundamental change in
our foreign policy. I have listened to the debate in recent days, urging my
government to initiate a more conciliatory approach on the continent.
As a direct consequence of Parliament's stated
desire to establish better relations with our neighbours, I have taken the
decision to withdraw all British armed forces
from the emerging French zone of influence in Picardy. This unilateral decision
was not done lightly - and Britain remains
concerned that France has yet to open diplomatic
relations with my government. Britain takes these steps to demontrate its good
faith and willingness to pursue a peaceful co-existence with her neighbours.
I urge the French government to begin talks at once to formalise our relations
at a time of great unrest in Europe. I also
encourage all leaders to bring their influence to bear so that fruitful
dialogue can take place.
Harry Jones
Prime Minister of Great Britain
Jim-Bob
– Prime Minister: Hello Sir,
I don't know who you really are, but you are trying desperately
here to engage this pack of deadwood, no Mr. Wood not YOU, in some kind of Diplomacy
game? This will not be successful. I'm so sorry, we're all enjoying our
Gunboat game quietly, induced along to submit orders on a turbophreak basis by
the redoubtable Mr. Kent.
Cheers, we are sorry for your impending demise, your fellow witch,
Jim-Bob
England
– Jim-Bob: Hello, cousin witch!
Hardly surprising you don't know me really as I hardly know who I am myself at
times... and I'm a fairly recent arrival in the hobby. That should tell you two
things - I'm green (Br. Racing Green preferably) and am not nearly cynical
enough yet to take the hint *grin*.
In any case I like to amuse myself with the keyboard. Doug didn't tell me this
was a Gunboat, the rascal. I wonder if he forgot
to say anything? ;)
As for deadwood... you know what they say - find a set of secateurs and start
cutting. ;) Spring and Autumn is best for pruning
work- Autumn best of all.... just like in Diplomacy...
The other thing about gardening is that you have to kill the weeds by the roots
or they'll come back and take over. I recommend Roundup. Doesn't
work on English players though. Especially when
they're of Irish extraction... :)
Best,
Wicked Witch of the West.
Jim-Bob
– Prime Minister: I'm just saying that this group of deadwood is SOOO dead that
your chances of waking them up are between slim and none and slim has already
caught the stage out of town. If April Showers bring May Flowers, what do
May flowers bring?
Best,
Wicked Witch of the East (Die, Dorothy, Die!! hehehe,
I know who Dorothy is, and it's not the woman in the game....)
Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange
Meeting, Fall/Winter 1903
Austria
(Terry Hayes – Telboy203 “of” aol.com): A
Vienna Hold.
England
(Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com): F London Supports F North Sea,
F
North Sea Supports F Norway (*Dislodged*, retreats to Edinburgh),
F
Norway Supports F North Sea (*Disbanded*), A Yorkshire Supports F London.
France
(Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Belgium Hold,
F Brest
Supports F English Channel, A Burgundy Supports A
Belgium,
F
English Channel Supports F Helgoland Bight - North Sea, A Gascony no move
received,
A
Picardy Supports A Belgium.
Germany
(Beartla de Burca – beartlab “of” yahoo.ie): F Denmark Supports F Helgoland Bight - North Sea,
F
Helgoland Bight - North Sea, A Holland Hold, A Munich Hold, A
Silesia Supports A Munich.
Italy
(David Latimer – davidlatimeryork “of” yacoo.co.uk): F Adriatic Sea Hold, F Ionian Sea – Tunis,
F
Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Trieste - Budapest (*Dislodged*, retreats to Venice),
A Tyrolia - Vienna (*Fails*).
Russia
(Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): A Bohemia - Tyrolia
(*Fails*), A Budapest – Trieste,
A
Galicia – Warsaw, F Rumania - Black Sea (*Disbanded*), A Sevastopol -
Rumania (*Fails*),
F St
Petersburg(nc) – Norway, F Sweden Supports F St
Petersburg(nc) - Norway.
Turkey
(Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): F
Aegean Sea – Greece, F Albania - Adriatic Sea (*Fails*),
F
Armenia - Black Sea, F Black Sea – Rumania, A Bulgaria
Supports F Black Sea – Rumania,
A
Serbia Supports A Budapest - Trieste.
Supply Center Chart:
Austria:
Vienna=1 Even
England:
Edinburgh, Liverpool,
London=3 Even
France:
Belgium, Brest, Marseilles,
Paris, Portugal, Spain=6 Even
Germany:
Berlin, Denmark, Holland,
Kiel, Munich=5 Even
Italy:
Naples, Rome, Tunis,
Venice=4 Removes
F Tyn (NRR)
Russia:
Budapest, Moscow, Norway,
Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden,
Trieste, Warsaw=8 Build
A Mos, Plays 1 short
Turkey:
Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople,
Greece, Rumania,
Serbia, Smyrna=7 Build
F Constantinople
Spring/Summer
1904 Deadline is June 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
GM –
All: No press? Pphpht!
Diplomacy “Chimaera” from Strange
Meeting, Spring/Summer 1903
Austria
(Tim Deacon – tim “of” wcava.org.uk): F Albania - Greece
(*Disbanded*),
A
Serbia Supports A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Trieste Supports A Serbia, A Vienna
Supports A Trieste.
England
(Nigel Pepper – nepper “of” totalise.co.uk): A Belgium Supports F Holland, F Denmark – Kiel,
A Edinburgh – Yorkshire, F Holland Supports F Denmark –
Kiel, F London - English Channel,
F
North Sea Supports A Belgium, F Norwegian Sea - North Atlantic Ocean.
France
(Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of”
yahoo.com):
A Burgundy - Munich
(*Bounce*), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold, A Paris - Burgundy (*Fails*),
A
Picardy Supports A Paris - Burgundy (*Fails*), A Ruhr Supports A Burgundy -
Munich.
Germany
(John Wilman – jwilman “of” hotmail.com): A Berlin Supports A Kiel – Munich,
A
Kiel - Munich (*Disbanded*).
Italy
(Jimmy Cowie – jcowie “of” madasafish.com): F Adriatic Sea Supports F Ionian Sea – Albania,
F
Ionian Sea – Albania, A Munich – Tyrolia, F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Venice Supports A Munich - Tyrolia.
Russia
(Mike Oliveri – oliverima “of” aol.com): F Baltic Sea Supports F Denmark – Kiel,
F
Black Sea Supports A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Rumania –
Bulgaria, F Sevastopol – Armenia, A Sweden Hold,
A Warsaw - Silesia.
Turkey
(Eric Knibb – eric_knibb “of” blueyonder.co.uk): F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria – Greece,
A Ankara Holds by jumping up and down whilst screaming abuse
at the Russian, A Bulgaria – Greece,
F Constantinople - Smyrna.
Fall/Autumn/Winter
1903 Deadline is June 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
Austria - All: Welcome back! Hopefully this game will
continue with no further interruptions.
T-R....:- O.K. when you
are ready to talk I am all ears!
GM –
All: Come on people, let’s see some
press! Have some fun, insult your
neighbors, write a storyline…
Billy Ray Valentine: Is busy in the
Orange Juice trading pit.
Duke of York: Sells 500
Francs. Buys 649 Lire.
Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Pounds,
500 Crowns, 500 Lire, and 500 Francs. Buys 1000 Marks and 1000 Rubles.
Rothschild: Sells 500
Rubles. Buys 120
Francs, 152 Marks, and 131 Piastres.
Baron Wuffet: Sits on his
tuffet.
Wooden Nickel
Enterprises:
Whittles and whistles.
VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 200
Crowns. Buys 203
Marks.
Insider Trading LLC: Sells 500 Francs
and 500 Rubles. Buys
1000 Marks, 1000 Lire, 500 Pounds, and 211 Crowns.
PRESS
SMAUG TO
MIDDLE-EARTH: *hic*... thish vodka ann wozzit.... peesh shnappps is the beezzz kneees *snorts
flames * whoops.... sorrry boush your iiiiiiiiii eyebrowsh.....
VAIONT
ENTERPRISES: Given the current economic downturn, subprime loans
(generated primarily by Rothschild Real Estate Holdings no doubt), and the
frozen solid credit markets, what’s an honest, legitimate, tradition-bound
investment house to do? We don’t know about them, but we’re deeply into
lottery tickets.
VAIONT
to SMAUG the DRAGON: Let’s cease fighting each other, form a conglomerate, generate a
bunch of grant applications for federal relief and pull down a sack load of
Obama bucks.
VAIONT
ENTERPRISES to TURKEY: Tell us your first born’s name isn’t Chrysler …
VAIONT
ENTERPRISES to INSIDE TRADER: Hey, didn’t I see you on the recent
Suze Orman special?
Duke of
York to
Smaug: You go right back to Guam and your Guams. We see through
your machinations to manipulate the market. I choose to stand pat and let
you keep adapting the prices in my favor.... wait, a goshdarn minute, I see what you're up to. Take this!
Next Bourse Deadline is June 28th 2009 at 7:00pm my time
Deviant
Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 - Spring 1901
Austria (John Walker
- jwalker150 “of” hotmail.com): A
Budapest – Serbia, F Trieste – Albania,
A
Vienna - Galicia (*Bounce*).
England (Russell
Blau – russblau “of” imapmail.org): F
Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea, A Liverpool – Yorkshire,
F London - North Sea.
France (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): F Brest
- Mid-Atlantic Ocean,
A
Marseilles Supports A Paris – Burgundy, A Paris - Burgundy.
Germany (Pete
Gaughan – raptormage “of” astound.net): A Berlin
– Kiel, F Kiel – Denmark,
A Munich - Ruhr.
Italy (John David
Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): F Naples
- Ionian Sea, A Rome – Naples,
A Venice Hold.
Russia (Mark D Lew –
markdlew “of” earthlink.net): A Moscow
– Ukraine, F Sevastopol - Black Sea,
F St
Petersburg(sc) - Gulf of Bothnia, A Warsaw -
Galicia (*Bounce*).
Turkey (Jason
Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): F Ankara
– Constantinople,
A
Constantinople – Bulgaria, A Smyrna - Armenia.
Official Standby
Players, as needed:
Jim Burgess (jfburgess “of” gmail.com), Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh
Polley (hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).
Votes:
A:
1 for #1, 1 for #2, 1 for #3.
E:
3 for #5.
F:
3 for #3.
G:
3 for #1.
I:
3 for #6.
R:
4 for #1.
T:
3 for #1.
Vote Totals:
#1
– 11
#2
– 1
#3
– 4
#4
– 0
#5
- 3
#6
– 3
#7
– 0
Voting Results: Rule
#1, the “More Deviant Rule,” is now passed and in effect beginning next turn.
Remember
that for the next turn you need to send in your Fall
1901 orders and your votes on the proposals (following the new guidelines for
Yes and No votes in the More Deviant Rule).
You do NOT send in new proposals until the Winter
turn.
Fall 1901 Deadline is June 28th at 7:00pm my time
Fall
1901 Rule Proposals:
Rule #7 – Avian Flu
(Reproposed by Pete Gaughan).
Immediately following every Spring season
(including any necessary retreats), avian flu strikes. The flu infects 1/10 of
all armies and fleets, rounded up to the next whole unit; which units are
infected is determined randomly by the GM. Infected units immediately become
squadrons.
A
squadron may move to any adjacent space, land or sea, that an army or fleet may
move to, and squadrons may coexist with other units; movement of a squadron
does not affect the movement of any other unit. Instead of moving, a
squadron may support another unit's move. A squadron's location does not affect
the ownership of any supply center.
Squadrons
have a life span of three seasons (counting only Spring
and Fall). At the end of a squadron's third season, it disbands.
Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess
Profits Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt). When any
power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a
single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are
immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random
by the GM. This happens before the owner can build.
Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any
or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian
Horde. Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes.
If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.
If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders
are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if
that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.
Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they
were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets. They cannot
convoy or be convoyed. They can support and be supported. They cannot
retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy
them, because they do not need supply.
If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall
turn, that center becomes unowned. However, a newly built Barbarian Horde
does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.
When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed
(thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter
turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers).
Rule #9 – “The Rule Concerning
Rules” (Proposed by John Walker). Part
A: All rules that are not approved are no longer carried forward when no
new rule is proposed, but must be proposed again for consideration.
Part
B: No penalty shall be given if a player decides to not enter any
proposed rules.
Part
C: All rules require a 60% threshold to pass.
Part
D: A players has as many votes as supply centers only. Real
supply centers only. For clarification only those centers that a person
controls with a black dot that designates it as a center such as LON or BER for
example, which would be considered supply centers in a game of regular
Diplomacy.
Rule #10 – “Rule 5
Draft” (Proposed by Mark D Lew). Along with their orders for any spring or
fall turn, each player may designate one of their own units as
"protected" and may select one unit belonging to another player as
their draft choice.
Any unprotected unit which is drafted comes under the control of the drafting
player. Drafted units are just like normal units, they
simply change color and belong to someone else now. In winter they must be
supported by supply centers as usual. (So if you gain a unit but don't gain a
dot to go with it, you'll disband; or if you lose a unit but don't lose a dot,
you'll get a build.)
If an unprotected unit is drafted by more than one player in the same turn, it
will go to whichever player comes first in the draft order [which this rule
leaves undefined for now]. In case of a tie in draft order, priority goes to
the player who was first to sign up for this game.
Drafted units change possession prior to adjudication of the spring or fall
turn. However, orders may not be made conditional on the results of the draft.
Players may submit orders for their own units as well as the unit they hope to
draft. If as a result a player attempts to order a unit he does not control,
the order will just be ignored in adjudication. All orders submitted will be
printed in the game report.
Rule #11 – “Buying Your Vote”
(Proposed by Jason Bergmann). All players casting at
least one vote for this rule may immediately transform one non-supply-center
space in their nation's starting boundaries (named along with the vote) into a
home supply center. In addition, Cyprus
immediately becomes a passable space (bounded entirely by the Eastern Med),
which is a Turkish home supply center.
Rule #12 - "The Continent-Wide Web" (Proposed by
Russell Blau): Every passable space on the map
is adjacent to the spaces immediately before and after it in alphabetical
order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is adjacent to Adriatic Sea,
and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule are
considered to be contiguous to existing seacoasts -- so, for example,
a fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exit to the North Sea, and
vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any
existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how
it is printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. The
Booming Economy Rule (#5) is enacted as part of this rule if it has not already
been enacted.
Rule #13 – “The Duck
Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept
leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French
Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective
coup d’etat. A new government and extremely popular government – to be
headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and
press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately
installed. Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the
guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be
re-called into this travesty of a dip game.
Passed
Rule Proposals:
Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule
(Proposed by Jason Bergmann). Paragraphs (5), (7), and
(8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with
the following:
(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each
starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the
previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes. Such players may
choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.
(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each
starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous
Fall season may propose up to one rule change. Such players may choose to
submit no rule proposals without consequence.
(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each
starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply
centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall
season.
(4) Players may vote yes or no. Players may cast all of
their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and
no votes among multiple rule proposals. Players' votes are published.
(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote. The
rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the
next season. If more than one rule proposal tie
for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the
next season. The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if
the net yes votes are zero or negative.
(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under
paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the
next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes vote and if such
proposals do not receive no votes from at least two different players.
(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same
turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are
null and void.
(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven
players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the
position of a starting player in this game. The word "player"
includes all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a
result of the passage of additional rules.
(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal
going into effect under paragraph (5). Any rule proposal going into
effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts
explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.
PRESS:
TO GM: I will get the hang
of this, I promise. This is DIP like I have never played before. Its going to be interesting.
This is
the all powerful EFGIATR - Some of you have been very bad.
Your lack of communications is noted. You can only survive by
communicating.
Austria: My fellow leaders, I
wish no harm upon any of you and only seek peace and prosperity with some minor
expansion that is due us as the great Empire that we are. Let us all work
together in all that we do to the betterment of all. The Austrian
President
St
Petersburg: Though we don’t expect
passage of the Haiku Rule,
here’s press just in case.
Germany to Russia: We need a rule to keep the lawyers from writing rules two-legal-pads long every turn.
DUCK to
RAPTORMAGE: See? I told you we didn’t get along any more.
EMPEROR
NAPOLEON IV to EUROPE: Now you all just want to lie back and enjoy this.
Josephine certainly does.
GIBRALTAR
RULE to 1898: Good luck and all that.
Germany to England: Dude, haiku? Well, at least it's not requiring a novel -- Bergmann would win instantly.
Germany to France: Hey, does grabbing Denmark in Sp01 constitute "dotsnatching"? If so, could we retire that word then?
Dateline Turkey:
Pretentious England
wants everyone to haiku.
Your rule will not pass.
Germany to Jim-Bob: How can I rig this thing so you get in but McHugh doesn't....?
PARIS to
JOHNNY WALKER: Didn’t you and I meet in a bar some few years ago?
Ah, those were the days!
Russia to Turkey: Sorry, Jason. I wasn't planning to
attack you, but then I got an email from John David Galt recommending that I
ally with you. I figure if Galt wants me to do it, it must be a bad idea,
so I had to change my orders.
FRANCE
to GERMANY: You weren’t a masochist for publishing a dipzine for so
many years – heck, a lot of us did that. You were a masochist because you
did it for so many years and nobody read it, or even understood the literary
allusion. Just wanted to set the record straight.
BREST to
RHODE ISLAND: And you don’t even want to get me started!
JIM-BOB-ITO
to HONOLABUH LUSSEL BLAU AND EULOPE:
Your Rule
Proposal
Like So Many Before
It
Sucks Sucks Sucks Sucks Sucks
LE DUCK
ORANGE to LORD KENT OF DOUGLAS: I love good poetry,
don’t you?
Kent –
Chinese Food: An amazing bird is the pelican…
THE
SIDEWALK CAFÉ POET OF THE WEST BANK:
I sit on the floor, and pick my
nose, and think of lurid things
Of the
devious Hun who stabs for dots
And
often drubs his ding.
Germany to Game: I'm so out of it, I actually had to get the wooden blocks and folding board out to remember which spaces are where.
(London) Vote for
the Web rule; utter confusion is our government's firm policy and should be
yours, too.
Con-Mos: Here's an idea
for a rule -- make the Black Sea impassable. Then we can't possibly stab each
other and we can juggernaut our way to victory!
Anon. to Turkey: More
Deviant is good, if it didn't pass you should propose
it again.
Germany to GM: Black press, right. But is there a rule reserving a country's dateline for its own guaranteed press?
GM – Germany: No such rule exists. You can propose it though!
Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for
inventing this. The goal is to pick
something that fits the category and will be the "most popular"
answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For
example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for
Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7
points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total
over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any
point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score
from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the
minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In
each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your
score for this answer will be doubled.
In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn,
and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of
5. Players who fail to submit a Joker
for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first
category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel
free to. The game will consist of 10
rounds. A prize will be awarded to the
winner.
Round 6 Categories
