November
2010
By Douglas Kent 911
Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149
Email: doug of
whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld
of yahoo.com
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com
or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy
World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com
for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to
all his available merchandise! Links to many
of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store
button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where
women can learn all the secrets of how a mans mind works, and why they act the
way they do.
All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free
Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/
to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter
feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip,
and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909
Quote Of The Month Hey!
Lets go out dancing! You want to go out to Montauk with me? (Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
Welcome to Eternal
Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine that is brave enough to allow Richard
Walkerdine to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants. True, he submits material to Diplomacy World too, but we all
know this is the place where his TRUE lunacy is revealed. You have been warned!
Im sorry to say that this is the second issue in a row without
any deeper personal writing from me. I
do have a column about a show I went to, and about the Texas Rangers, but
nothing personal or revealing. The
reasons seem to be two-fold; first, Ive been overworked and overtired the last
two months, which drains my energy and enthusiasm; and second, my inspiration
is also missing. In fact, I couldnt
think of a topic I felt like writing about, even if Id found the time and
energy. I need to go back to my story
list and see what stories I havent told everybody yet. Oh well.
In the meantime
.in zine news, we have a gamestart (and Spring
1901 results) for a new Gunboat game, and the current Diplomacy opening is
nearly full. Im going to offer a
variant next issue; I simply havent decided which one. Any requests?
Weve got columns from Paul Milewski, Richard Walkerdine, and Jack
McHugh. Andy York is still absent, but
not MIA as he sent a letter and ALWAYS keeps me up-to-date on whether a column
is likely. Besides, hes a Ranger fan,
saw them play in person in the playoffs, and has tickets to Game 4 of the World
Series. So I have to forgive
him! Besides that material, we have the
usual games, Hypothetical Questions, Movie Quote Contest (which I hope more of
you give a try next issue; remember, the scoring system makes it easier to
catch up now), and our latest You Dont Know Me interview (which isnt
complete as I write this, but if I dont get the final piece Ill just go with
what I have on hand).
There really isnt that much else for me to say. If something comes up in the next 36 hours
Ill mention it, otherwise, see you next month.
And how about you kick it up a notch and participate a bit more?
Oh, and please note that since the last Tuesday is also the last
day of the month in November, the zine deadline will be the day before a
Monday this time around.
The
Months Playlist: 700 Miles Mary Lees Corvette; Dulcinea Toad the Wet
Sprocket; Frampton Comes Alive Peter Frampton; Snapshots Antje Duvekot;
Soundtrack Volume 2 Trainspotting.
My Trip to Tulsa
Ever
since I stumbled across Antje Duvekots incredible CD The Near Demise of the
High Wire Dancer I have been keeping a close eye on her web site to see if she
would ever make her way to Texas for a show.
I didnt really expect her to come to Dallas; when it comes to music, Dallas
is a real tough town. If it isnt
country music, classic rock, or a current headliner there isnt much
interest. If youre an independent
artist finding a place to play isnt the hardest part
getting anyone to hear
about the show is the biggest issue. If
youre not a local product (The Old 97s, Bowling for Soup) or a cover band
youll be generally ignored. Acts with
decades of music like Elvis Costello or Joe Jackson (two shows Ive seen since
I moved here) can find a suitable location and fill it, but they are the
exception rather than the rule. If and
when Antje does come to Texas, Id expect her in Austin (or maybe some Fort
Worth location
or even Denton) instead of somewhere in Dallas proper. But Im not holding my breath.
In August I realized that Antje was going to do two shows in
Oklahoma, seemingly a one-shot swing there from her home base of Boston. There was a Sunday show in Norman on Sunday
the 24th, and a house concert in Tulsa on Saturday the 23rd. I realized that if I was going to see Antje
anytime in the near future, the Tulsa show was my only shot. Details on the show itself were sketchy; a
location of the Topeca Coffee House in Tulsas Mayo Hotel was given, but all
the contact info referred to House Concerts Unlimited, which I learned later is
a one-man shop which tries to arrange small-venue, intimate folk music shows
for artists all over the success meter. On
one hand, that gives the whole planning process for an out-of-town traveler
like myself an air of insecurity
while on the other hand it means you get an
up-close, personal evening with the artist.
I decided a trip to Tulsa would be a well-deserved birthday present to
myself. Ive become rather obsessed with
Antjes music, and this could be my only chance to see her live.
Heather also enjoys her CDs, but she declined the invitation to
join me. Mainly, she didnt want to
board Kayza so soon after wed adopted her.
She was also looking forward to the idea of a Heather only Saturday,
where she could watch movies and shows that I dislike, sit in her housedress
without feeling guilty, and live the life of a single independent woman . She gave me a number of lectures about
keeping it in my pants, and teasing me about my crush on Antje
Duvekot. But having me drive to Tulsa
and back, staying overnight, and attending the show by myself were all fine
with her.
Id already booked a room at the Mayo when the location for the
show was suddenly changed to a place called Cafι Cubana, which was about two
miles away from the hotel. I
communicated with the organizer, who explained that this location was larger
and had a much better parking situation.
No matter; it just meant I would take a cab there and back. I didnt want to try and find my way at
night, and anyway I planned on bringing along a nice bottle of Riesling to sip
during the show (the venue serves no alcohol).
Then an opening act was added to the bill, one I had never heard of: 3
Penny Acre. I was really looking forward
to the whole thing, although I would have preferred if Heather joined me. It wasnt like Id get lucky behind her back
or anything!
I rented a car for the weekend using one of Enterprises weekend
specials. My car was probably fine for
the drive, but its getting old, and the alignment needs work. Most importantly, it has no cruise
control. If youve ever driven in
Oklahoma, you know the miles of nearly-empty highway you cover, usually with a
70 MPH speed limit. Cruise control can
make a long drive a LOT easier....even though Tulsa is only about 270 miles
away. I used to drive much longer
distances for Amerifleet, but since Ive returned home the only long drive Ive
done were our two trips to Killeen (180 miles each way) to first meet, and then
to pick up and adopt, Kayza. Those
drives may have been longer, but I had Heather in the car to keep my
company. This would be a solo
journey. So I wanted to make it as
simple as possible.
Saturday morning I left about as I planned, close to noon. I wanted to get to the hotel by 5pm, which
would give me time to eat something and get a cab to the location before doors
opened at 7pm. I didnt know how much of
a crowd there might be, but since I was driving all the way from Dallas I
wanted to make sure I had a seat near the front. I dont mind waiting in line, or getting
there early (Heather hates how early I generally have us arrive at the
movies). I just want to get the best
seat I can, and Ill trade time for results when necessary.
The route is pretty simple, and traffic is almost always light
once you get north of the Dallas metroplex.
However, as soon as I got to that point, a new problem arrived: pouring
rain, a real Texas cloudburst, as far as the eye could see. Visibility was rather poor, and the roads
were covered with water immediately.
Worse, the roads were undergoing various levels of construction, so
large puddles or poor run-off lay hidden for the unprepared. Traffic barely slowed down, even in the worst
of the rain, and there were two occasions where I felt the car begin to hydroplane. The first only lasted about two seconds,
sliding me to the left a foot or so. The
second hydroplane was enough to give me sudden chest pains, as I found myself
jolted from the right lane to the left without warning. As luck would have it, there was no vehicle
within ten car lengths of me in either lane, so as I regained control almost
immediately, the danger quickly passed.
In fact, I realized that the left lane was in better shape, and was
collecting less water. Soon after, the
rain slowed to a steady patter, and the danger seemed to have passed. Still, it took quite a few miles before I
could relax. Sliding on ice when I lived
up north was scary, but I found this experience more
terrifying. I cant explain why
maybe I
have more to live for now? Or maybe it
was because I declined the insurance coverage from the rental company. Who knows?
While
the rain continued, the rest of the drive was rather uneventful, and I arrived
at the Mayo around 430pm. I checked in,
called Heather to let her know I was safe, and prepared for the evening. I put my bottle of Riesling in the fridge to
chill for a few minutes, changed my clothes, and took a walk around the
hotel. The rooms arent anything amazing
just clean and with useful amenities like a closet safe, microwave, and the
aforementioned fridge, but the hotel lobby has a very luxurious, old-style feel
to it.
There was some sort of event beginning in the ballroom on the
lobby level, so I peeked in there. The
high ceiling and large chandeliers lent a very nice effect to the room as a
whole. I saw a woman in a wedding gown
somewhere, so I guessed that this was probably a popular hotel in the Tulsa
area for fancy events, or at least for out of town wedding guests to relax and
prepare for the big day. A sign referred
to another ballroom on the 16th floor, where weddings and other more
private gatherings likely took place.
The staff was helpful and called a cab for me, and I was off,
arriving near the venue at about 6pm. I
walked around 15th street for a few minutes; it was s typical
restaurant row area with small eateries and some chain restaurants. With my usual wonderful sense of
direction, I walked the wrong direction for two blocks before I realized I was
heading away from Cafι Cubana. A quick
U-turn and a few minutes later, I could see 3 Penny Acre doing a sound check by
the windows facing the street. It was a
small cafι, with some round tables up front, and softer couches or chairs
further back. I could certainly see that
this would provide an intimate setting.
Next door was a Jasons Deli, so I went and grabbed a sandwich so I
could make sure I had some real food before I popped the cork. I knew the cafι sold coffee beverages and had
pastries, but no real food. The
chocolate croissant was delicious though, and a strong beverage prepared me for
the entertainment to come!
I was allowed to come in and take a seat around 630pm, even though
the doors didnt officially open until 7pm.
So now I had my wine, by snack, my seat, and an old paperback to occupy
my time until the music started. But
this was when I began to get anxious
I heard members of 3 Penny Acre mention to
a friend that the other lady [Antje Duvekot] was flying in and had been delayed
by the weather. I could already see the
just my luck scenario forming: Id driven 275 miles to see an artist who
wasnt going to make the show after all.
Still, I was there, and there was nothing to do but try and enjoy
myself.
3 Penny Acre were supposed to open, and at 745pm they were about
to begin when in walked Antje Duvekot at last.
In such a small place I could easily overhear the conversation. Her connection had been delayed, and now her
luggage had been lost. She had her
guitar, but was stuck wearing her airplane clothes and had no merchandise to
sell (I was hoping to get a shirt or two).
You could see how tired and frustrated Antje was, but she must be a
really sweet person, because I am being honest when I say she had nothing but
smiles for everyone around her. Despite
these inconveniences, she was prepared to go on with the show. However, a quick snort of nose spray revealed
what I suspected when she first came through the door: Antje was sick too, with
a cold or the flu or a combination of both.
The poor woman had flown down from Boston anyway. I went from being anxious to feeling very
sympathetic, and a bit undeserving.
Because of how poorly she felt, 3 Penny Acre gracefully let Antje go on
first so she could go get some rest, or find her luggage, or both.
As the opening act, Antje played for less time than I had hoped,
but even delirious from cold medicine and exhausted from travelling, there was
not a moment of her set which I did not enjoy.
She peppered the set with some stories about the various songs, which
were always good for a laugh. Her voice
was flawless, and her guitar playing and live presence was much stronger than
it was on her CD Little Peppermints (much of which is collected on
Snapshots along with her first CD, both of which were recorded live). As her talents as a songwriter have grown, so
have her abilities as a performer. The
set list was as follows:
Long Way
Sleepy Sea of Indigo and Blue
Dianas Song
Merry-Go-Round
Streets of Soho
You're Gonna Make Me
Lonesome When You Go (Bob Dylan cover)
Vertigo
Augen, Ohren und Herz
Dandelion
Sweet Spot
The only songs which I was unfamiliar with were brand new: Sweet
Spot (a nice enough, positive song about reaching a happy place in life), and
Sleepy Sea of Indigo and Blue. The
latter was a love song, which shed written now that shes been in a successful
relationship for more than three years.
I found it very touching and moving; Antje has a way of surrounding you
with her lyrics, as the music itself sits in the center. I couldnt help but think of Heather while I
listened to that song for the first time, and I admit to getting a bit
teary-eyed and using my handkerchief. I
dont know if anybody else did, but since I am not afraid to cry in public (and
since I was alone at my table and had three glasses of wine in me) I saw no
reason to hold my emotions inside. I
doubt anybody noticed though.
Long Way
and Merry-Go-Round are songs Antje has performed for years, but which she
recorded new studio versions of for the Near Demise CD. I much prefer these new versions, as they are
not only wonderfully produced but also allow Antje to show how shes grown as
an artist. Vertigo (sort of the theme
song of that CD) and Augen, Ohren und Herz (a song from Antjes childhood)
also appear on Near Demise as original recordings.
I felt that Antjes rendition of Streets of Soho was the best
example of how much improved the performances of these songs have become. On Little Peppermints the song feels
slightly disjointed and the vocals uneasy.
Now they are fluid, and the song reveals itself
to be that much better because of it.
The other highlight of Antjes set was Dandelion, both because of the
song itself and because of the story she put behind it. It was written about a guy I had a crush on,
who didnt have a crush on me.
Apparently he was a sort of superficial person, more interested in
having the right label on his clothes (and his womans) than in what was
inside. Antje was rather open about how
she is still a bit bitter after however many years it has been. I was more of an outdoors girl, who could
have protected him from spiders if we went camping
.screw him, I hope hes
being eaten by spiders.
The set ended too soon, but despite her illness, the effects of
her cold medication, and everything else, it was a tremendous pleasure to see
Antje Duvekot live. I hope I get another
chance; she didnt even get to play my favorites from Near Demise such as
Dublin Boys, Lighthouse, and Scream. Maybe next time?
The real surprise of the evening for me was how much I loved 3
Penny Acre. The band, who took their
name from the price of the Louisiana Purchase, is a trio: husband and wife team
Bryan Hembree (guitar and vocals) and Bernice Campbell Hembree (bass), along
with Bayard Blain (guitar, mandolin).
Bayard also handcrafts all of his instruments; they had a tremendous
sound to them, without a doubt.
I first heard 3 Penny Acre during their sound check, and I simply
sat quietly and absorbed the beautiful harmonies that Bernice and Bayard weave
with their voices (with occasional help from Bryan). Id tried a sample of two or three tracks
online when I saw theyd be at the show, and either I chose the wrong tracks or
I wasnt in the right mood, because I hadnt been that impressed. Live, though, these three have a magical
energy, carrying you from one musical style to another. Bayard and Bernice take turns on lead vocals,
and their voices seem to be the precisely appropriate accompaniment for each
others. Bryan sang lead on a new song
hed recently written about the torching of Tulsas affluent black neighborhood
in 1921, which I knew nothing about. Now
Im interested to read up on the topic.
Bryan grew up near Tulsa, so it was a moment in history he had known
about for many years.
Their set ran between folk, folkish country, and even a bluegrass
tune thrown in for good measure. All
three members are quite adept musicians, and clearly theyve played together
long enough that the live performance is tight and grabs your attention. I know 3 Penny Acre is going to be in Dallas
in March, so I plan to go and see them again.
Since I plan on purchasing their CDs in the next week or two, I will be
able to determine what if any difference there is in my enjoyment between
the live experience and the recorded CD.
I dont know how much mixing they did, but from what I saw and heard,
theyd be perfect just setting up the mikes at home and doing their tracks
live, as is. Their next CD is going to
be traditional English and Irish music, a complete departure from the Americana
feel of Highway 71 (their newest CD).
The sample tune they did was quite stirring in its own right.
I highly recommend you check out the music of 3 Penny Acre, as
well as Antje Duvekot. Discovering these
independent gems, outside of the tired paths of current corporate music, is a
real joy.
The Texas Rangers?
Youre Kidding, Right?
I have been a long suffering Rangers fan. In a few days, they will make their first
ever World Series appearance. This is
after their first ever American League Championship Series appearance. And that was after their first ever victory
in the American League Division Series.
In fact, until this month, the Texas Rangers were the only current
franchise in any of the major American sports not to have won a single playoff
series in their teams history.
The Rangers have always been frustrating and the poster child of
futility. Only three times in their 50
year history (a few years as the Washington Senators, and then moving to Texas
becoming the Rangers) have they even reached the playoffs. The first time, they won their first ever playoff
game, and then proceeded to lose the next three to the Yankees. That was in 1996. In 1997, they played the Yankees again, and
lost three in a row. 1999? Same thing.
You have to have personally followed the team just to understand
how futile this teams efforts have been.
Who else has a book written about them entitled Seasons in Hell? Year
after year, the Rangers found new ways to lose.
Their efforts to find an ace pitcher seemed to inevitably result in a
huge contract but no results (see Chan Ho Park for a perfect example). They signed Alex Rodriguez to the biggest
contract in baseball history (at the time), and then traded him only four years
later, forced to eat a nice chunk of the contract along the way. As a matter of fact, this year is the LAST
year the Rangers are paying A-Rod for not playing for them.
Yet the Rangers are going to the World Series. This year, of all years, was the least likely
for that to happen. Lets just take a
quick look at some of the obstacles theyve faced:
The sale of the team from Tom Hicks to a group led by Nolan Ryan
was supposed to have been completed by Spring Training. When that rolled around, no progress had been
made.
The first headline news out of the Rangers this year was coach Ron Washingtons admission that he had tested positive
for cocaine. I dont think a sitting
manager for any Major League team has EVER tested positive for drugs, let alone
for cocaine. It was a miracle that he
wasnt fired on the spot.
Among the players on the rooster were
Vladimir Guererro, coming off the worst season of his career. Almost all knowledgeable scouts said his
career was over. Then we had Josh
Hamilton, who after an amazing 2008 has seen a 2009 where he hit about .250
with 10 home runs, and lots of injuries.
The idea that Hamilton might be a superstar was quickly subsiding.
The team had no real catcher, and no real first baseman. Two players were battling for each spot, and
none of the four were impressing anybody.
The Rangers did have hope for their starting pitching. At the front of the rotation they had Scott
Feldman, who won 17 games for them in 2009, and Rich Harden, a signing in the
off-season. But behind
them? There was Colby Lewis, a
retreat who started with the organization, bounced around the Major Leagues
with little success, and had spent the last two years pitching in Japan. Then there was CJ Wilson, who had never
started in his career; hed been the set-up man in the bullpen the year before,
and had pushed the team all spring to give him a chance to start. The fifth spot was up in the air, with plenty
of candidates but none particularly appealing.
So what happened? Well,
Scott Feldman showed quickly that he was not going to be anything like the year
before. Rich Harden couldnt seem to
make it past the fourth inning. The
bullpen was already being overworked, which every year led to the August
meltdown all Rangers fans had grown to accept.
By May, both starting catchers had been demoted to the minors. Slugger Nelson Cruz was on the disabled list
for the first of three times, while Ian Kinsler also missed the early part of
the season. First base was producing no
offense. Things couldnt get much worse.
until then the team declared bankruptcy, which meant the question
of ownership would become even more complicated! This would eventually lead to an open bid
auction between Nolan Ryans group and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban.
The only thing the Rangers had going for them was how poorly the
rest of the division was doing. In fact,
the Seattle Mariners had fallen so hard and so fast that they started dumping
salary by trading players to other teams.
Their big prize pitcher, Cliff Lee, was about to go to the hated Yankees
and their already bloated payroll.
But then, for the first time, the baseball light shone on the
Rangers. There was some sort of
disagreement about who the Yankees were willing to give up, and talks
stalled. In moved the Rangers, and
without warning a bankrupt team with a history of misery had their ace
pitcher. At the same time, both Colby
Lewis and CJ Wilson had proven to be terrific pitchers (although Colby was
snake-bitten by horrendous run support all year long). Vlad and Josh were hitting. The Rangers were actually sing
SPEED on the base paths. Late
acquisitions like Benji Molina were giving the team a major boost. And everybody seemed to be having fun. This team actually enjoyed playing with each
other.
You all know the way things have played out. Despite having lost EVERY SINGLE GAME during
the regular season in Minnesota, Tampa, and New York, the Rangers won the first
two playoff series, became American League champions, and are not set to battle
the San Francisco Giants in the World Series.
All the old stigmas, like losing to the Yankees and fading in August,
have faded.
Whether we win or lose, it has been a
once-in-a-lifetime season for the Ranger fan.
And if things work out? Well, with the right author, the story could
be written as one of the most dramatic and unlikely sports stories in
history
how the Texas Rangers, the punching bag of the Major Leagues for 50
years, exorcised their demons and won the World Series.
Maybe Mark Shropshire, who wrote Seasons in Hell, is ready for a
sequel?
Last
month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 You sell cars and stand to make a
healthy commission from a young man who wants to buy an expensive sports
model. The payments will take most of
his salary. Do you discourage him from
spending so much? #2 You discover that
your mate is infertile. You really want
children of your own. Do you leave your
mate?
Melinda
Holley - #1 Yes. While the sale is important,
if it will cost more than the customer can realistically afford to pay, he will
default. As a manager, I'd take a serious look at not only the sales
figures but are these good sales or are they sales that will be defaulted
on? If its the latter, it will negatively affect
the ability of my business to obtain credit/financing terms from lenders.
As an employee, I would expect my manager to do just that. Too many bad
sales & I'm out of a job.
#2 - Because I've never wanted kids, this
type of question is hard to answer. My immediate answer is no. If
my mate IS my mate for life (hmm...which may be
why I've never married), then he's the most important person to me. Plus,
I've never seen adopted children as being something 'less' than biological
children. In fact, I have a problem with people who see such a
distinction. If my mate is infertile, it honestly is no big deal to
me. If children are important to my mate and he's infertile, then we look
into adoption.
Andy York - #1 - In my (minimal) experience, the salesman doesn't worry
about the financing and ability of the person to pay - the financial folks
handle that. So, this probably wouldn't happen.
In
the unlikely event it did, and I was a car salesman (not a job I'd consider),
I'd likely point the situation out, mentioning some options (and, depending on
the circumstances, bring up the consequences of failing to make his payments),
but the decision is his.
#2 -
No, there are other options (surrogacy, adoption, etc) if having a child is
that important. However, this should have come up prior to getting married and
the decision made at the point, not post-marriage (having to leave "your
mate").
Robin ap Cynan - #1 - No.
#2 Yes.
[[Dont
be so longwinded in your answers!]]
Phil Murphy - #1 Discourage, no.
After all, it's his choice. If he can afford it. I would, however most likely raise the issue of how he intends to cover the payments before signing any
finance deal.
#2 Absolutely not! There are
other options available (adoption, IVF, surrogate fathers/mothers etc.).
Seeing as I'd choose a mate I loved, why would I turn around and discard that
person for something like that? Would I be disappointed? Definitely.
But hey, we don't always get what we want. I would stay because, hopefully,
fertility wasn't the only reason I got together with that person.
Jack McHugh - #1 - No. I'm a
libertarian and it is his money, if he wants to spend it on a car who am I to
question it?
#2 - That's a
tough one for me because, although I have a daughter, I was never big on having
children. I would say no, since it is a medical condition that your mate
can't help. I might answer different if it was by my mate's choice.
Heather Taylor - #1 As a car salesman, no I would
not. But I would never be a car
salesman, because they are slimy bastards.
#2 No. Maybe there is something else we can do, like
artificial insemination. There are
alternatives. Unless he is a car
salesman; then yes I would leave him, because he is a slimy bastard.
For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions
from the game A Question of Scruples which was published in 1984 by High
Games Enterprises. The word Scruples is
also being used as a secret this issue).
Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 You are at a dinner party and hear a
distinct CRACK as a corpulent guest settles into an antique chair. The hostess is in the kitchen. Will you tell her what happened later? #2 As a reporter, you agree to interview a
prominent politician off the record.
He says something vital to the public welfare. Do you report it?
The Last Exorcism - When I saw the trailer for The Last
Exorcism, I wasnt really given enough information to discern the full
plot. But the general idea seemed simple
enough: a documentary crew films an exorcism, and finds more than they bargained
for, ala The Blair Witch Project. I
wasnt enthralled with that prospect, but one recent Sunday it was the best
option available.
Actually, the
storyline in The Last Exorcism is a bit more interesting than I thought. Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian) has been a
preacher since he was ten years old. He
is a master at capturing the audience, combining his command of preaching with
the showmanship of some magic tricks twisted to teach lessons about Jesus. He even bets one of the documentary crew (one
cameraman and one interviewer/producer) that he can throw in his mothers
banana bread recipe and the congregation will never notice. He does, and they dont.
The problem for
Cotton is that he isnt even sure he believes in God anymore, and he is certain
he has lost any belief in organized religion; its all show, and all for
money. In particular, he is now
concerned about the practice of Christian exorcism. The Catholics get all the press, because
they had the movie he quips. But a
recent newspaper article detailing the death of a young boy during an exorcism
has pushed his conscience over the edge.
And this is the purpose of the documentary crew: Cotton is prepared to
have them join him on one last exorcism, so he can reveal all the tricks of the
trade, and what a complete fraud it is.
In this way, he hopes, no other child will have to suffer the fate of
the boy in the paper.
At random, he
selects one letter asking for help, and travels with the crew to their rural
Louisiana town. There he meets Louis,
the father who believes his teenage daughter Nell (Ashley Bell) is possessed by
a demon, and has been slaughtering his livestock at night (with no memory of it
the next day). Nell is sweet and a
believer, and while she doesnt remember doing the acts she is accused of, all
evidence seems to point to her; whether it is demonic possession or a simple
case of violent sleepwalking is answered by Louis and his fundamentalist
beliefs. Nells brother Caleb, on the
other hand, considers his father a dangerous drunk (since Mom died) and his sister
an innocent victim.
Cotton and the crew
perform an exorcism, complete with his various parlor tricks and gimmicks. But, as you might expect, the story does not
end there. And soon it becomes a battle
between Cotton and his unbeliever attitude putting science over religion
and Louis and his deep fundamentalist beliefs.
There are some very
funny moments, a few scary ones, and plenty of creepy ones in The Last
Exorcism. The very end of the film
leaves a bit to be desired, but overall that doesnt diminish the enjoyment of
the ride. This isnt a great film, but
its a fun one, and a nice change from the slasher and soft-porn horror films
which are much more prevalent today.
Paranormal Activity 2 If you saw, and somewhat enjoyed,
the first Paranormal Activity, youll like this one too. If you didnt like it, theres no point it
seeing PA2; in many ways it is the same movie.
If you never saw PA1, see it on DVD first and then decide. But I thought PA1 was decent, and I feel the
same about PA2. If nothing else, its
tense, a bit scary, and goes by fast (smartly keeping a 91 minute running
time).
The plot runs along
similar lines to the first. A family
(husband and wife, but a bit older this time), the husbands teenage daughter
from his first marriage, their newborn baby boy, and their dog live in a modern
suburban home. After a strange break-in
where the house is ransacked but nothing is taken (except one necklace with
sentimental value), the husband has an alarm system and cameras installed throughout
the house, recording to a DVR system.
Then, as strange occurrences begin to happen each evening, the family is
able to validate them through the use of the DVR.
Perhaps because the
family is larger, there is a bit more tension this time around. The father refuses to entertain the idea of
ghosts or the supernatural as a cause for any of the disturbances, and goes so
far as to fire their nanny when she tries to cleanse the house through sage
burning. The wife does believe,
especially as she and her sister had some sort of frightening experiences as
children. The teenage daughter thinks it
would cool if the house was haunted
she holds out a bit of hope when the
disturbances are mild that it might be her mother (who we now learn has passed
away). The infant, who grows into a
toddler, appears to see the forces at work, sometimes laughing at them, and
other times crying in fear. The dog also
reacts, barking and growling at any presence.
As you expect, the
events escalate. I cant go into the plot
line in any detail, except to say that the couple from the original Paranormal
Activity make an appearance in this film too, and I found it rather creative
the way the films were tied together.
The suspense is all the same as the first film: you are shown the scene,
and you know something is going to happen
you just dont know what.
In all, Paranormal
Activity 2 is a dopey and fun movie. It
doesnt need a ton of blood and chainsaws to make the audience jump (and if
youre with a date, be prepared to have your hand squeezed every now and
then). If nothing else, it is a good
start to the Halloween horror films which are making their way to a theater
near you. Give it a shot.
Seen on DVD The Bridge on the River Kwai (A-, Sir
Alec Guiness deserved his Oscar, and the film continues to hold up amazingly
well). The Ninth Gate (C+. I remember enjoying this more the first time
I saw it. Perhaps knowing the outcome
diminished that for me, and overall it seemed to drag. Still it has its moments). Notes on a Scandal (B+, while the plot was somewhat obvious or
maybe Id heard too much about it the performances were very good. Bill Nighys strong performance gets somewhat
overlooked because of the leading ladies).
The Men Who
Stare at Goats (C+. Clooney
did well, balancing between manic and understated. But as much as I love his work, Ewen McGregor
was not the right choice for his role).
The Eternal
Sunshine Interview
This months initial
candidate, and yes another High School classmate of mine, is Jennifer
Siegel. Shes smarter than you, so shut
up and pay attention!
What is your name: Jennifer Siegel
What is your astrological sign:
um...Sagitarius, I think
How old are you (exact or approximate):
41
What is your earliest childhood memory:
I have two. I'm not quite sure which came first. I remember my mother dragging
us in off the beach in Long Beach Island to watch Nixon get into the helicopter
and fly away from the White House forever and ever. (It was a big party.) And I
remember play being at the Garden when they stopped during a Knicks game to
sweep the floor for Earl the Pearl's pearl.
Describe your immediate family (present
day): My immediate family is unconventional. I consider a few of my closest
friends my immediate family.
What do you do for a living: I am a
professor of European Military and Diplomatic History at The Ohio State University. I have a research focus on 19th and 20th century
Anglo-Russo-French relations, and teach courses on international relations,
intelligence history, the history of oil, colonial warfare, etc.
Where were you born: Morristown, NJ
What did you want to be when you were growing
up: The first woman Jewish president of the United States. Or so they tell
me. Oh well. I guess it's still not too late.
Douglas Kent - I have found your job
fascinating ever since I learned what you do for a living. And many of the
readers here would as well, especially as most of them are fans of Allan
Calhamer's Diplomacy game. What led you in that direction as a career (both a
professor, and that area of expertise)?
Jennifer Siegel - My interest in diplomatic history is a result
of a number of factors. It never occurred to me to be interested in anything
else. I have always been interested in looking at events in an international
context, a result of the exposure my parents gave us to the wider world.
Furthermore, when I went off to Yale as an undergraduate (see question three),
one of the great strengths of the history department was its emphasis on
diplomatic and imperial history. As for the focus of my research, I had long
been interested in both British and Russian imperial history, and decided to
write my senior essay (Yale has a thesis requirement for all senior history
majors) on some aspect of Russian history. My advisor, Firuz Kazemzadeh,
supported that, but suggested that, as I had no Russian language skills, I
should craft a topic that would allow me to examine an aspect of Russian
history using sources in a language I could read. His suggestion was that I look
at the influence of Russias advance towards India on Britains decision to
enter into the Anglo-Japanese Alliance of 1902. And I never looked back. I went
to graduate schoolback to Yale, as it really had the strongest program in
diplomatic history and I would be working with almost entirely different
faculty than I had worked as an undergraduateto pursue Anglo-Russian relations
in Central Asia, a topic of which my advisor, Paul Kennedy, was entirely
supportive. But, I learned Russian first.
On a less scholarly note, I also think that my interest in Europe, and Britain
in particular, was most certainly nurtured by my exposure to PBS as a child. We
were ardent watchers of Masterpiece Theatre, and all things BBC that were
available. It was an excellent introduction to the world beyond the New Jersey
shoreline.
Douglas
Kent - How many languages can you
read, or speak (not sure if it is different)? Which ones?
Jennifer Siegel - In addition to English, I speak Russian and
French, and read German.
Douglas
Kent - Let's take a moment to go
over your academic history. After High School (I'm assuming you graduated from
somewhere? Or did you go get a GED?) how did that all
work?
Jennifer Siegel - This is somewhat covered in question one. But,
here is an edited version of my academic and professional history, from my c.v.:
Education:
Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut.
Ph.D., History, December 1998; M.Phil., May 1994;
M.A., May 1993.
Thesis: Peaceful Penetration Under Arms: Anglo-Russian Relations in Central
Asia, 1907-1914.
B.A., Cum Laude, History, May 1990.
Academic Awards, Prizes, and Honors:
Smith Richardson Foundation Junior Faculty Research Grant, 2006
Virginia Hull Research Award, 2005
AAASS 2003 Barbara Jelavich Book Prize
Mershon Center Faculty Grant, The Ohio State University, 2004, 2005, 2006
Annenberg Travel Grant, University of Pennsylvania, 2002
Yale International Security Studies Postdoctoral Fellowship, 1999-2000
Olin Foundation Postdoctoral Fellowship, 1998-9
Andrew W. Mellon Dissertation Fellowship, 1996-7
MacArthur Foundation Research Grant, 1994-5
Smith Richardson Foundation Research Grants, 1994-5, 1996
Bradley Foundation Dissertation Research Grants, 1994-5
Smith Richardson Foundation Summer Grant for Language Training, 1993
FLAS Fellowship for the Study of Russian, 1992-3
MacArthur Foundation Research Apprenticeship, 1992
Academic Experience:
The Ohio State University
Assistant Professor (2003-7)
Associate Professor (2007- )
Teaching lectures and seminars on nineteenth and twentieth century
international history, modern Britain, imperialism, intelligence and military
history. Directing graduate students. Advising honors
theses and history majors.
University of Pennsylvania
Lecturer (2001-3)
Taught lectures and seminars on nineteenth and twentieth century international
history, modern Britain, Imperial Russia, and oil diplomacy. Directed
graduate tutorials. Advised honors theses and history majors.
Boston University
Assistant Professor (2000-1)
Taught combined undergraduate and graduate lectures and seminars on twentieth
century international relations, modern Britain, and Imperial Russia.
Yale University
Lecturer (1998-9)
Bennington College
Visiting Assistant Professor (Spring 1998)
Douglas Kent - I am quite envious of your
globetrotting, although it seems to be so frequent that you'd probably rather
spend some quiet time at home much more often than you are able to. Besides
home, what cities have you been spending the most of your last year in?
Jennifer Siegel - These past 12 months have been very quiet for
me, vis-ΰ-vis travel. Ive mainly been splitting my time between Columbus and
New York, with a brief trip to Britain over the summer. In contrast, last
summer (09), I spent two months in St. Petersburg, three weeks in Paris, and
two weeks in London. The necessity of spending long stretches of time in
foreign cities is one of the great appeals of my profession.
Douglas
Kent - Which city that you have
visited has been your favorite overall?
Jennifer Siegel - Ah, this is a tough one. Every foreign city has
its appealeven the relative dumps, like Bishkek. I will limit myself to the
cities in which I have lived. And, I would have to say London. London is a
challenging, monumental, complicated city, simultaneously struggling with its
cutting edge modernity and its strongly rooted traditions and history. It has
become one of the most exciting cities in the world, in part by embracing and
co-opting is position and perception of being a global city. It is interesting
that, while the empire is long gone, the vestiges of the empire are continuing
to vibrantly enrich the imperial metropole.
Douglas
Kent - I know you continue work
on your book. Can you give us a few sentences on exactly what the specific
topic is? Historical, political, and diplomatic books are quite a hit with this
crowd.
Jennifer Siegel - My current book project examines British and
French bank loans to Russia in the late imperial period up to the Genoa
Conference of 1922. This study will contribute to our understanding of the ways
that non-governmental and sometimes transnational actors were able to influence
both British and French foreign policy and Russian foreign and domestic policy.
There are three main themes that will be addressed: the role of individual financiers
and policy makers, and the interplay between them; the importance of foreign
capital in late imperial Russian policy; and the particular role of British
capital and financial investment in the construction and strengthening of the
Anglo-Russo-French entente. The questions addressed will directly relate the
interrelationship of political and economic decision-making with the ideas and
beliefs that inform security policy. Finally, the book will offer an
examination and broader discussion of the ways in which the existence of
alliances not only encourages financial interconnections, it can, at times,
discourage international lending and investmenta finding of which I see
preliminary indications in a comparison of the British and French cases. Therefore,
the book will not only provide insights into the nature of the
Anglo-Russo-French entente, it will also engender greater understanding of the
nature of alliances in general.
Im happy to talk about my first book, as well, if youd like.
Douglas Kent - I didn't realize you had
already completed a book. Please tell us about that one as well.
Jennifer Siegel - Endgame: Britain,
Russia and the Final Struggle for Central Asia, I.B. Tauris, May 2002
Abstract
On 31 August 1907, a convention of mutual cordiality was signed between Britain
and Russia, formalizing relations between these two competing nations in
Central Asia, a region which had become the focal point of the Anglo-Russian
rivalry. The 1907 Agreement has been categorized as the diplomatic coup which
allowed the former rivals to move from enmity to amicable accord in their
opposition to the growing threat from Germany. This traditional approach to the
Anglo-Russian Convention interprets the rapprochement between Russia and Great
Britain as demonstrating a deliberate shift of emphasis away from Asia and
their imperial holdings to the European continent. In this prevailing
interpretation, the overriding importance of the 1907 Agreement lay in its role
as one of the principal diplomatic foundations of the European alliance
structure which so vividly contributed to the outbreak of the Great War; the
maintenance of the Anglo-Russian relationship in Asia was, accordingly,
significant for the two Great Powers as an essential component of their
continental cooperation.
The realities of British and Russian involvement in Persia, Afghanistan, and
Tibet beyond the conclusion of the 1907 Agreement, however, manifest a far less
considerable mutual commitment to Anglo-Russian cooperation than has been
previously acknowledged. From the conclusion of the Agreement to the outbreak
of the First World War, Anglo-Russian relations in Central Asia were marked by
continued tensions and regional maneuvering on both sides, in the same vein as
that which had characterized the era before the rapprochement. By the outbreak
of the European war in 1914, on numerous fronts the Anglo-Russian Central Asian
accord was on the verge of collapse, threatening any further affinity in
Europe. For the Russian foreign policy elite, the idea of a forward policy in
Central Asia had not only survived the 1907 Agreement, it was, in many ways, a
more vital policy concern than the buttressing of entente relations. For the
British Government, long committed to the maintenance of amicable Anglo-Russian
relations, it had become clear by 1914 that British and Russian Central Asian
policies could no longer be reconciled under the existing Agreement. Despite
the very real possibility that the breakdown of Anglo-Russian relations in
Central Asia could lead towards a rupture of the European entente, Britain was
unwilling and unable to tolerate further peaceful penetration by the Russian
regional presence.
This book demonstrates the precariousness of the Anglo-Russian pre-World War I
accord in the face of mutually irreconcilable Central Asian interests. In its
illustration of the post-1907 significance of the buffer states of Persia,
Afghanistan and Tibet in terms of the strategic planning, commercial expansion,
cultural links, and imperial standing of the Central Asian rivals, the book
offers a critical means to reexamine the nature of the pre-War balance of
power. By the summer of 1914, the relationship of these two Great Powers in
Central Asia, rather than predicating the development of a formal Continental
alliance, was strained to the breaking point. The outbreak of war intervened,
preventing the conflagration of Anglo-Russian regional animosity. But an
understanding of the extent to which Anglo-Russian amity had been threatened by
the collapse of the 1907 Agreement, which this book explores, is vital in any
examination of the pre-War balance of power.
Douglas
Kent - Given the academic path
you followed, if you did NOT become a professor, what would have been the other
areas of employment you could have pursued which would have made use of your
knowledge?
Jennifer Siegel - Well, I might have gone to work on the policy
side of things, perhaps going to work for the State Department. I might have
gone to work at a think tank. I might have gone to work for an investment bank.
Who knows?
Douglas Kent - Is it true that you went to
High School with Douglas Kent? Was he as much of an irritant back then as he is
now?
It is true that I went to High School with Douglas Kent.
As for relative levels of irritation, I can only say that there was no Facebook
back then!
[[Jennifer occasionally has to delete my posts to her
wall. It seems sometimes I go too far
with my sarcastic sense of humor crossing the
line from PG rating to R or worse
I
just piss Jennifer off, okay?]]
Douglas
Kent - Can you give us three
reasons you never dated him?
Jennifer Siegel - Wait, we never dated? Why am I wasting my time
answering all these questions?
[[Actually this is to pay me back for never asking you
out. You and every other woman owe me
big for that!]]
Douglas
Kent - What five CD's are getting
the most play by you at the moment?
Jennifer Siegel - 1) An advance copy of the brilliant new
recording of Handel areas by the renowned countertenor, Bejun Mehta and the
Freiburger Baroque Orchestra, called Ombra Cara. (I think it comes out the
end of November.)
2) My complete set of the Ring Cycle. (Actually 20 cds on its own, but let me
count it as one!) The James Levine, Metropolitan Opera
recording.
3) Javier Ruibals Sahara
4) Carla Brunis Quelqu'un m'a dit
5) Uma2rmaHs Куда
Приводят
Мечты. You asked.
Douglas
Kent - Can you name a few good
books you've read in the last year?
Jennifer Siegel - I really enjoyed Dominic Lievens Russia Against Napoleon, which I reviewed for the Wall Street
Journal.
I loved Christopher Fowlers memoir of growing up geeky in Britain in the 50s
and 60s, Paperboy.
I really enjoyed Ghita Schwarzs quiet tale of WWII
refugees Displaced Persons.
Douglas
Kent - What would you say are
your five favorite films of all time?
Jennifer Siegel - Oh, this is a tough one. Lets see. Zulu. Lagaan. The Meaning of Life. Love and Death. Bridge over the River Kwai.
Douglas
Kent - Are you dressing up for
Halloween? As what?
Jennifer Siegel - I am dressing up as a professor desperately
trying to finish her next book.
Douglas Kent - What's your poison?
Jennifer Siegel - Bourbon, one ice cube.
Well there you go
folks. So now if you see this beautiful,
fascinating and brilliant woman at a hotel bar, you know what to send
over. Now, who will the next victim of
this interview process be. Got any suggestions??
Toby Harris: I just read the
three page article on the Excel Linest function for linear regression. It was of interest because I use Excel daily,
to analyze & audit the UKs 2.5million business records in small
Excel-sized chunks. Regression & CHAID analysis are familiar enough
techniques. But I wonder how many others
would follow it?
Andy York: A quick note on the latest ES (if I don't get this out
now, I don't know when I will). Work has been very busy, as well as trips to
Arlington for the Division playoffs and the ALCS (was there on Saturday - GREAT
game!!!).
I
did get my voting duties done this morning. Of course, the usual early voting
location had been closed with just a sign in the door listing the other voting
locations. While I as there, other folks came up to vote and the person setting
at the desk there was obviously tired (at 9:30am) of directing people to the
few sheets of paper taped to one window. It ended up taking over an hour to
vote, only four minutes of which were actually spent voting. And, I lodged my
protest in having to use electronic voting machines without a paper trail.
That
being said, I'd say it is 50-50 on whether I'll have a column next week. I've a
big work project that hits a hard deadline on Thursday; but I've just found out
another major project has a hard deadline of December
31. So, I need to shift gears immediately to focus on that.
For
the Hypotheticals, I wasn't copping out in my answer to question #2. It is a
situation that wouldn't occur so I've no idea how I would handle it. I've
little experience dealing with children and no experience in owning a dog so if
I did answer, it wouldn't have any validity or represent what I would do in
that situation.
Jim Burgess: [[Detailing
his Movie Quote deductions, after he wondered aloud how they may have aged]] It was
just that way, Apocalypse Now is perhaps even BETTER, but Kramer vs. Kramer was
LAME! In the order in which I figured them out....
10) Apocalypse Now. 3)
Kramer vs. Kramer
still thinking 1970s movies at
this point.... so
7) Escape from Alcatraz, didn't bother to go watch it, but I think
this is right.
5) Is definitely All That Jazz, again didn't go watch it again.
then I was stuck for
awhile.... until.... China Syndrome came on and my
wife and I watched it again and I was thinking... one of these must be in
there....
9) The China Syndrome (boy is THIS dated,
but fun)
I'm now thinking I'm positive almost ALL of these movies were 1979, this was my last year, Senior year, of College.
So, I am now thinking 1979 movies as the category, until proven wrong, but have
to scour my memory for movies I saw that year since I can't look them up.
But strangely, this didn't help me.... I made ZERO progress on
(1), NO idea.
(2) I knew was SOME comedy, maybe Steve Martin or something, but
can't recall which one. I might get this with more time. Similarly with (4) though it was not a comedy but a DRAAAAMA.
And
(6) must be Meatballs, go Harold
Ramis!!! But I'm not sure, I do recall clearly
that Meatballs was another 1979er though.
That leaves (8), I think I know what (8) was, and knowing 1979 I
know WHICH one in the series it was.... but I never saw any of them and I HATE
the very idea of those SS movies. So, I don't care if I lose over it, I
ain't sayin'. I had a roommate the next year in grad. school
that used to play this theme EVERY morning before he went out running....
really. Wake up to that every single morning and see how you feel about
it.
Clearly, they are ALL 1979 movies.
Late Arrivals at the Gardners Ball
by
Richard Walkerdine
Oh dear, there arent many guests here.
The invitation said the ball would start at 8pm and its almost that now. No,
wait a minute, I can see a coach pulling into the parking area and it does look
fairly full. Lets see who I can recognise.
Oh yes, there are Mr and Mrs ATOES and
their two sons, TOM and his junky brother usually referred to as POT,
followed by Mrs DENDRON and her lovely daughter RHODA. Rhoda seems to be
chatting with the BUSH daughters, ROSE and HOLLY (I think they were school
friends). And behind them we have Mr and Mrs BEAN and their sons, Stan the
athletic one (usually called RUNNER) and Paul the rather overweight one
(usually, a little unkindly, called BROAD). Goodness, they have also brought
their cousin from Europe. Im afraid I dont know his name but he must be the
FRENCH BEAN. And behind them I can see Colin FLOWER (his friends of course call
him COLLY), MARY GOLD and the SNIP boys with their old PA, Mr and Mrs COT
with their daughter APRIL and Mr and Mrs ANTHEMUM and their son CHRIS. Thats
better, the hall is starting to fill up nicely now.
But still more guests are arriving. I
can see the BERRY family, with father BILL, the grandfather (usually just
called ELDER) and the Scottish nephew LOGAN, followed by Derek PHINIUM
(although his friends call him DEL) and the rather effeminate James LION (who
likes to think of himself as a bit of a DANDY). Then there is Mr and Mrs ANIUM
and their son GERRY, Mr and Mrs SPINE and their son SCOTT, the GUERITE sisters
with their old MA, the opera singer Barry CHESTNUT (Ive heard he has been
performing so much he is now rather HOARSE) , the wrestler
Stan ONIA (usually just referred to as BIG), Mr and Mrs TUFT and their
daughter CANDY and, all the way from Wales, Mr and Mrs LIA and their son DAI.
But now the guests are just pouring in.
In fact its difficult to keep up with them all. There is Mrs HOCK with her
daughter HOLLY, Mr and Mrs OFTHEVALLEY and their daughter LILLY, Mr COBEAN and
his son HARRY, Mr and Mrs UNIA and their lovely daughter Petula (usually known
as PET), Mr ANTHUS and his daughter POLLY, Mrs OLA and her daughter VI, Mr and Mrs
TROOT and their daughter BEA and finally Mr and Mrs SALEM-ARTICHOKE and their
son JERRY. The hall is certainly getting full now.
And the first dance has started. I can
see Mr COTs daughter APRIL dancing with Mr ENTINEs son CLEM, Mr and Mrs
PERSIMMONs son Billy from Dallas (usually hes just called TEXAS) dancing
with Mrs SUCKLEs daughter HONEY and Mr and Mrs ERMELONs son WALT dancing with
Mrs NUTs daughter HAZEL. Now thats more like it, at last the ball has really
begun.
But there are still some more late
arrivals, even though its now nearly 8.30 were there some traffic problems?
Because here come Mr and Mrs TOMATO with their daughter CHERRY, the English
couple Mr and Mrs GRANATE with their son Graham (recently emigrated to
Australia and always referred to as POMMY), the PAYA brothers with their old
PA and young Steven PEAR (still on his anger management course and, sadly,
still called PRICKLY) good luck Steven.
Surely that must be everyone? But no, I
see the Chinese under secretary for social affairs LI CHEE and, now that is a
very good bit of diplomacy, because he is accompanied by our ambassador to
China Stanley Rathborne (who I understand speaks fluent MANDARIN). I suppose
the politicians would always be expected to make the grand (and final)
entrance.
Yes, they are the last arrivals as I
see the doors have been closed.
(Authors
note. As I
suspect most of the readers are masochists (why else would you be reading
Dougs zine?) I hope to inflict one of these on you every couple of issues. But
I could do with some help. So if anyone interested would like to send me (rwalkerdine@yahoo.co.uk) suggestions
for late arrivals at the ZOO KEEPERS ball (you know, Mr and Mrs GAL-TIGER and
their son BEN) by the next deadline I will collate them, add a few of my own,
and the results will appear in the issue after that. You have been warned! Oh,
and suggestions for future balls would also be very welcome.)
SIR THOMAS BEECHAM
by
Richard Walkerdine
(This is claimed to be a true story)
Sir Thomas Beecham was a world famous
British orchestra conductor who rose to fame around 1910 and continued
conducting well into the 1950s. Although a brilliant conductor he was also
known to be terribly absent-minded.
One
day in the late 1930s he was walking through London and approaching Harrods,
the famous (and very high class) department store. As he approached the store the doors opened and a very
elegantly dressed lady started walking down the steps, followed by two flunkies
carrying an assortment of bags. At the roadside was a Rolls Royce, with a
chauffeur holding open the door.
Sir Thomas immediately recognised the
lady but, being absent-minded, couldnt for the life of him remember her name.
The lady saw him. Oh Sir Thomas, she
said. How nice to see you. Are you well?
Oh very well maam, replied the
conductor, still trying to remember her name, and you?
Yes I am very well thank
you, she replied. And how is your wife?
She is also very well maam, replied
Sir Thomas, still wracking his brain to remember the ladys name.
And how is your husband?
The lady smiled. Oh he is just fine
Sir Thomas, thank you for asking.
Then he had a brainwave. If he could
discover what the ladys husband did for a living then perhaps it would help
him put a name to the face. And what is your husband doing these days? he
asked.
The lady gave him a rather odd look and
replied, Oh...hes still the King.
WHO DO WE HATE?
by
Richard Walkerdine (an Englishman)
We hate the French, because they are
French and we have always hated them.
We hate the Scots, because they hate
us.
We hate the Welsh, because they are
small and scruffy and smell of coal dust.
We hate the Australians at sport, or at
least at cricket, rugby and swimming at most other sports we can beat them.
(We used to hate the West Indians at
cricket but now we dont because we always beat them.)
We hate the Icelanders because they
keep stealing our fish.
We dont actually hate the Germans,
even though we fought them in two World Wars, but we do understand they have
absolutely no sense of humour.
We hate the Canadians just a bit, but
only because they let Quebec have French as its first language (see the first
line).
We hate the Spanish for the same reason
as we hate the Icelanders.
We hate all of Eastern Europe because
they always gang up on us at the annual Eurovision Song Contest.
We dont hate the Argentineans because
we kicked their butts in the Falklands War and so they should have learned
their lesson.
And
the Americans? No,
we dont hate them, in fact we feel a bit sorry for them. We used to run the
world before they did and we know how difficult it is.
But we still hate the French.
What do I
know? What do I really know?
by Paul Milewski
One of my pet
gripes about my four years as an undergraduate was the course in physical
geology that I took. To show how old I
am, plate tectonics was a theory that at that time had not received enough
acceptance to even be mentioned in our textbook. A great deal of what we learn are things we
accept, either because the information is conveyed to us by an authority figure
or simply because we hear it so often from so many people we lazily assume it
is right. Both reasons for believing
something to be true have probably held back civilization at every opportunity
to advance it. Remember the Dominican
monk Giordano Bruno who was burned at the stake on 2/9/1600 by the Church for
his belief in the heretical views of Copernicus and how on 6/22/1633 Galileo
was forced by the Inquisition to recant his belief in the Copernican
doctrine? How many generations lived
their lives comfortable in the certainty that the earth is the center of the
universe?
Consider the
10/30/1938 broadcast of The Mercury
Theatre on the Air in which an adaptation of The War of the Worlds caused widespread panic. As reported on the front page of the New York Times the next day, The
broadcast, which disrupted households, interrupted religious services, created
traffic jams and clogged communications systems
At least a score of adults required medical
treatment for shock and hysteria
In
Indianapolis a woman ran into a church screaming: New York destroyed; its the
end of the world. You might as well as
go home to die. I just heard it on the
radio.
Ive read that one
of the reasons that the United States got entangled in the Korean War was that
everyone in Washington knew that the entire Communist world was monolithic
and absolutely under the control of Moscow so what China might do didnt need
to be considered. Everyone in Washington
knew
that.
There was a time
when a man who had a heart attack would be told to eat lots of red meat and get
plenty of rest. Now they tell you to eat
lots of vegetables and get some exercise. Why do doctors wear white lab coats when they
interact with their patients? Because if
you wear a white lab coat, everything you say is more believable. It makes you an authority figure.
I was struck by TV
coverage of the trouble in the Balkans a few years ago, with ethnic cleansing
(a particularly obnoxious term people keep using without thinking what it
means) and prison camp atrocities, a old woman interviewed on the street in
Serbia said the stories couldnt be true because it wasnt in the Serbian
character to do such awful things. She knew that.
A friend of mine at work speaks fluent
Russian from his days as a radio operator during the Vietnam War. His job was to listen to conversations
between Russians in North Vietnam. He
tells me how shocked he was the first time he realized that the Russians he was
listening to believed we were the bad guys.
I read books. I read books in which authors make assertions
of fact based on research. I usually
take their word for it that theyre not pulling my leg. When I was in graduate school working on my
MBA, I noticed that management textbooks always had a footnote citing the
psychologist Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, so one day I went
downtown to the Cleveland Public Library and actually read the book that I kept
seeing cited in all these textbooks.
Much to my surprise, Maslow in his book didnt at all write what all
these textbook authors implied or suggested he did. I doubt if any of these guys had ever read
Maslows book. They just saw him cited
in a textbook written by someone else and put a footnote in their own
book. They all knew the import of
what Maslow had written without ever reading it themselves.
Even everyday
things we know are taken for granted. I
was thinking of a well known restaurant that used to be in Cincinnati. It was called La Maisonette. I think I
drove by it once, I read newspaper articles about it, and I heard people talk
about it on the radio, so I know it existed, but with the
passage of sufficient time, say a century or two, perhaps its knowledge of its
existence will degenerate to a rumor, or even worse, an inference by an
archaeologist.
I remember being
in my car listening to a report of the Three Mile Island nuclear accident on
the radio. A government spokesman was
holding a press conference assuring everyone that everything was under control
and that there was nothing to worry about.
Shortly afterward there was a clip of a radio conversation between a guy
on the roof of the reactor and someone at a distance, asking the guy on the
roof what his radiation measuring device reading was. When the guy on the roof replied, the guy at
a distance started yelling, Get off the roof!
Get off the roof!
It should be no
wonder that it appears so easy to perpetrate a hoax or to fool an entire nation
Goebbels-style with a big lie.
Brain Farts: The Only
Subsubzine With Its Own Fragrance
By Jack Flapjack McHugh jack@diplomacyworld.net
(or just email Doug and
hell send it to me)
Issue #24
I have so little enthusiasm these days
and not much to say. Still cant find a
job. May lose my house, my internet
and
thats the good news. Still, as Doug
told me, all I really need is sex, money, and beer. But I had to remind him that he left out
food. And snacks.
Im not starting any new games right now
until I know the status of my internet connection. I cant even get dial-up because I have no
land line. So for now unless I go on one
of my sports or political diatribes, all you pieces of crap get are the jokes I
provide you with. Youre
welcome...especially since nobody ever says thanks or sends me stuff, like
money or beer or snacks.
Seriously, if anybody has any job leads
for me in the west Jersey/Camden/Philly area let me know. Ive got degrees, certifications, Masters
Degrees
but Im either overqualified or dont have the requisite 50 years of
experience. I mean, shit, this week I
saw an ENTRY LEVEL job ad, which required advanced experience. What a load of bullshit. Maybe I should move to Washington D.C. and
get paid a nice salary for going on vacation.
Redneck Medical Dictionary
