I had a few others on this list, but I’ve got email addresses for them (Edwin Turnage, Tom Pasko are examples). They’ve moved on from the slower pace of these games, which to me is a shame…but what can you do? A few of these were also zine publishers (Lee Kendter Jr. and Steve Nicewarner of course; Sean Brown did Canyon, Geoffrey Richard did The Messenger, Alan Levin had a zine of gunboat games I think, etc.). Some of these were players in Maniac’s Paradise for years, others just for a short time (via an orphan game or some such). And one or two on the list (Tom Nash, Randall Lee Schultz) I have found in years prior, but lost contact with again. It’ll be interesting anyway. And when I have time I will take this list myself and do some work with the names.

I guess that’s about it for this month. See you in May!

The Month’s Playlist: Highway 71 - 3 Penny Acre; The Essential Journey – Journey; Purity – Mythos; At Budokan – Cheap Trick.

There Wasn’t a Lot to Do Back Then!

A 20-something friend saw something on the internet the other day about the Pet Rock, and couldn’t believe that it really existed. I tried to explain to her that back in the seventies, there simply wasn’t as much to do. There was no cable TV; you had 3 networks, PBS, and maybe one or two local channels of junk. Everybody watched the network shows. You saw movies at the theater; no DVD’s or video tapes. No video game systems, home computers, internet…you spent more time playing outside, and usually whatever you wanted to do (besides reading) involved other kids.

This reminded me of a conversation I had with Heather recently about the joys of the Sears Christmas Catalog, and how much fun it was as a kid to flip through the pages, staring at all the toys in there. So I thought I’d take a few moments to reminisce about the toys everybody wanted back then (at least the boys). For the older among us, you’ll remember these. For the younger….well, look, I already told you, there wasn’t a lot to do!

Electric Football – Almost every American male has fallen for this nightmare at one time or another; a great looking toy that operated badly. You get a big metallic football stadium, complete with a realistic field. You also got two teams (and could order others), with official team colors. The players would be in different shapes: blockers, runners, etc. Some sets came with little number stickers you could use to make the teams match the current stars, but the stickers never stayed on long. The idea was you set up both teams in a typical play formation, turned on the game, and the board would vibrate. This caused thin little plastic tips under the players to vibrate, and the players to move. Unfortunately, they’d move in random directions, and there was simply to way too play an entire game before you gave up in frustration. Later editions had a strange looking combination QB/Kicker and tiny foam footballs, but there was no way to accurately throw or kick. What a waste…five minutes to set up each play, and the rules were vague. You had to come up with your own house rules on how the ball got handed off, how tackles were made, etc. The only thing you could count on was a bunch of players locking arm in arm and do-si-do-ing off the field or in endless circles. You can still find these in stores.

GI Joe Headquarters – This GI Joe accessory was sort of like the male version of a Barbie Dream House. It had a special chair he could sit in which could slide up a pole to the second level. Up there he could operate a spotlight and other items. Inevitably the pole would break, or the spotlight would stop working (usually the switch wouldn’t make proper contact). But until then you could have a lot of fun with it, and the other major GI Joe accessories like his mobile headquarters. I couldn’t find a decent picture of any of these, but maybe you can find one. Instead here’s an old GI Joe with king-fu grip, one of the 1970’s enhancements.

Army Men – Everybody had to have at least one good set of army men. I don’t mean the crappy “100 piece set” you could buy from the back of the comic books, with 1” tall pieces. I mean the full size, green plastic army men. You had riflemen, guys with the rifles held over their heads like they were wading through water, guys firing mortars, bazooka soldiers, and of course the flamethrower carrier. Usually you’d just set up two armies in a sandbox and take turns shooting rubber bands until you’d “killed” the enemy. Sometimes gasoline or other household products came into play; we did really stupid things as kids. Sometimes you’d get tanks or other accessories, but in general you just had the army men themselves, which came in a plastic bag with cardboard at the top (see the photo). Occasionally you would spend time painting these, but in the end they’d be chewed up by a dog or blown up with firecrackers or lost in a rainstorm, so it was better just to play with them and then get another set later on.

Lite Brite – I wouldn’t be surprised if you could still find these. This was a plastic triangular box, with one side made up with a screen of hundreds of little holes. Then you would insert translucent colored pegs into the holes, turn on the light inside, and get a kinda cool-looking design. They’d come with pages of designs you could do, sort of a paint-by-numbers thing where you could look in the little hole and see what color to insert. The only problem there was once you’d used the paper once, it was ruined as the color designations would be poked out. A good toy to kill time with, anyway.

Shrinky Dinks – A simple toy. You had these sheets of plastic, and you’d draw on them and color in your pictures. Afterward you would cut out the designs, bake them in the oven, and they’d get smaller, thicker, and hard. Then you basically had nothing you could do with them, unless you made a hole and turned one into a lame necklace. You also had to use THEIR pencils (I think) to do the coloring, otherwise it wouldn’t work.

I have about 20 other toys I could put in here, but I’d rather see what retro toys you folks remember fondly. Send me a letter, with or without pictures.

Oh, and of course, no self-respecting childhood artist could be satisfied until they had one of these ==============================è

Hypothetical of the Month

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – A friend of yours if having financial problems and asks for a small loan, which you can readily afford. But he specifies that you can’t tell his wife because he doesn’t want her to know how bad things are. What do you do? #2 – You’ve seen the inside of your neighbor’s house; it looks like something from Hoarders on television. But the outside is pristine, and there are no odors or any other problems. This is not a neighbor you’ve had much interaction with. Do you call anyone or do anything?

Melinda Holley - #1 - Well, if I'm the wife of the guy wanting the loan, shame on her for NOT knowing about their financial situation. Love is one thing but financial trust is another. As for the loan itself, either I'm going to loan the money or I'm not. Not telling his wife isn't part of the equation for me. I'd loan him the money once. If he asks again, then I'd tell him not until he came clean about everything (including why the wife isn't to know about it) and get some help to get him out of financial problems.

#2 - This is actually a situation a family member of mine is wrestling with. My philosophy is you just don't stand back and do nothing. My family member (and her in-laws) are working themselves to resolve the problem. In this particular scenario, I'd call the Health Department. If I can make an anonymous complaint, I will (simply because I don't want to get THAT involved). But if I have to leave my name and get officially involved, I'd still do it...I'd just grumble a lot about unnecessary bureaucracy.

Richard Walkerdine - #1 - If he is a very close friend I would do exactly what he asked and would not tell his wife - but I would urge him to let her know (but it's his choice, not mine). If not a close friend the answer is 'no'.

#2 - I would do nothing. If the house is odour free then it is just cluttered (sounds a lot like ours) so what's the problem?

Amber Smith - #1 - I'm a curious creature by default, whether or not that puts me in the bothersome category is something that could be disputed later, and I would find myself wanting to ask what caused 'Things to go bad.' And to see if I could help... Even if it was just to help in breaking the news to the wife (with my friend well aware of course). I would be happy to assist, but the wife should know. Marriage is teamwork, no room for secrets even if it’s to 'protect' (pfft) her! That would be my condition.

#2 - Again, I'd most definitely find a way to get in on that, simply out of curiosity! I would HAVE to find out what the hell caused them to accumulate all that stuff in the first place! So I wouldn't call outside assistance (unless there were kids...or animals), but I would find a way in to their house as a guest, fo sho.

Tom Howell - #1 - This would depend partly on how close a friend. I'd ascertain the likelihood of getting repaid: if a close enough friend, I'd already know; otherwise I'd ask pertinent questions regarding re-payment. I'd also make some noises about working together being the best way out of tight situations, and keeping track of one's finances being the best way to keep out of financial trouble. The exact noises being the part that depends on "how close a friend".

#2 - Sounds like our current living quarters. What's to do? (Build a new house?)

Jack McHugh - #1 - Yes and I have no problem not telling his wife...in fact I'd offer him more if I could afford it.

#2 - Nope, if there is no problem I wouldn't call anyone since I don't know the person that well and its none of my business.

Kevin Tighe - #1 - Since I can afford it, I give him the money. And I strongly suggest he talk to his wife about their situation. It's better she hear from him than from a bank or collection agency.

#2 - If the person seems physically healthy then no, I do nothing. They have the freedom to hoard.

Andy York - #1 - I won't tell his wife on my own initiative, but I won't lie if she asks.

#2 - Never having seen Hoarders, I'll take a stab at what you're going after. If there are "no problems," then there's no reason to call anyone. And, if they’re someone I don't know well, there's not much to do except let them know you're available if they need some help "putting together a yard sale" or such.

Chris Babcock - #1 - I'd not give the money into his hand. However if it were to cover something like a bill or mortgage payment due (and he was in danger of losing the house) I would offer to settle as much of the debt as I could afford, as an interest-free loan. I would NOT tell the wife but strongly recommend that he does.

If, on the other hand, I suspected a gambling debt or a problem with substance abuse of some kind, I'd refuse. In that situation I would tell the wife.

#2 – No answer given.

Heather Taylor - #1 – If he was a very good friend, yes I would. I would hope that he would eventually tell his wife. If he wasn’t a very good friend I wouldn’t loan him the money anyway.

#2 - If there are no children involved, I don’t do anything as it is their business. If there are children or a senior in the house, then I’d call the authorities and ask them to investigate the situation.

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises. The word Scruples is also being used as a secret this issue). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 – On an airplane, on old man asks if you will change seats with his wife so they can sit together. You made sure to ticket yourself on a window seat, and you do not like his wife’s location. Do you move? #2 – As a lawyer, do you defend someone whom you know is guilty of a vicious rape?

The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews

Cedar Rapids – I am not a huge fan of the recently popular comedies. Maybe I’ve become too old and grumpy, or perhaps I need films to be more character-driven. But take a random comedy at the top of the box office charts, and odds are I’m not interested in going to see it.

So given that, I can’t fully explain why we decided to go see Cedar Rapids. I saw the preview in the theater, and it seemed to have a bit more intelligence than your random comedy. It wasn’t as dark as I might have liked, but the lead character of Tim Lippe (Ed Helms) appeared to have found a perfect middle ground between innocence and idealism in his role as an insurance salesman who is selected as a fill in to attend a major annual conference in Cedar Rapids, Iowa…one where his firm has won the national award two years in a row.

Tim is a generally quiet, honest, and completely inexperienced guy. He’s never flown before, never been to a convention before, and barely ever been out of his hometown before. He has spent years dillegently working at a regional insurance company, putting the needs of his customers ahead of anything else. Consequently, he has never been the top banana at his firm, but has a terrific reputation from his loyal clients.

Once at the convention, Tim finds himself rooming with veteran agent Ronald Wilkes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) – an arrangement set up by his boss, who considers Wilkes to be a good influence. Unfortunately, Wilkes has decided to save money on expenses by bringing another agent into the room: Dean Ziegler (John C. Reilly), a loudmouthed, obnoxious type who Tim has been warned to stay away from at all costs by his boss (Stephen Root).

Tim soon meets a third veteran agent, Joan Ostrowski-Fox (Anne Heche), and after a while decides his opinions about Ziegler don’t match those of his boss. He also begins to socialize, developing more of an outgoing personality. As you’d expect, he finds himself in various comic situations, but it is the moral dilemmas that go along with them that add the backbone to the story. One by one many of his illusions about life, the world, his coworkers, and the industry are shattered – or at least reshaped.

Ed Helms could have played Tim as dumber, or simply clueless. Instead, he builds a respectful innocence, one that includes a real pride in being an insurance agent. At one point in the film, he gives Joan a little speech about the time Cedar Rapids flooded, and how insurance agents were there to help people, to assist in their attempts to rebuild their lives. “Wow,” she replies, “you almost make it sound cool to be an insurance agent.”

A few people I’ve talked to that *do* love the popular comedy films of recent years saw Cedar Rapids and loved it as well, so I don’t think it falls outside of the mainstream. If you want some laughs - including a few inside jokes about Isiah Whitlock Junior’s role on The Wire (a show I’ve never seen) which I would not have gotten the full effect of if I hadn’t heard something about them beforehand – find Cedar Rapids and give it a try. It’s doing okay at the box office, but not gangbusters, so I don’t know how long it’ll be out there. If you miss it, it should be enjoyable on DVD too.

Seen on DVD – St. John of Las Vegas (D, great actors, terrible script, awful bore). Murder on the Orient Express (B, as I get older I appreciate the Finney version of Hercule more than I used to). Millennium Season 1 (B-, the show works best when dealing with fears of the upcoming millennium and the book of Revelations). Stripes (B+, despite what is now some semi-corny material, it’s still good for some laughs, and makes me miss the late John Candy even more).

You Don't Know Me

The Eternal Sunshine Interview

I had an interview lined up with someone whose work I admire, and we got about halfway through before the emails stopped coming. We just made contact again yesterday, and amazingly we were able to wrap it up in time! In the meantime, what I really need are suggestions from you folks! I need non-Diplomacy interview subjects…they don’t need to be involved in the arts or entertainment or anything like that. Just regular folks who are a bit interesting personality-wise and are willing to open themselves up to the world. Garage mechanic, bank teller, grocery store clerk, architect, religious professional, game designer, CIA agent, stay-at-home mom or dad; it doesn’t matter. Email me with anybody you know that might fit the bill!

And now, my email interview with the amazing Mary Lee Kortes…you might not know her, but you should.

What is your name: Mary Lee Kortes

What is your astrological sign: Libra

How old are you (exact or approximate): Very

What is your earliest childhood memory: Sitting atop the stairway, spying down on my babysitter reading a magazine. Or perhaps it was rocking myself to sleep in my bed.

Describe your immediate family (present day): Husband, cat, mother, brother, sister.

What do you do for a living: Right now, I do the occasional recording session (singing) but also work as a researcher for the UN.

Where were you born: Lansing, Michigan

What did you want to be when you were growing up: Many many things. Artist, writer, nun. My most profound memory is being about 9 years old, at a Sunday school class, when i read an article about some archaeologists making a discovery. I was filled with the most intense desire to become an archaeologist. I was consumed with this feeling of "I literally cannot wait to be old enough to become an archaeologist." Knowing it was years away, this was incredibly painful. I think I buried it (like a long, lost treasure?) because I simply couldn't tolerate it. I think this all took place in a matter of moments.

Douglas Kent: Who were some of your early musical influences growing up?

Mary Lee Kortes: Earliest influences were actually the Gershwins and early American Songwriters like Cole Porter. My grandmother was a great piano and organ player and used to play me lots of songs from her songbooks. The Ladies of Calcutta was my favorite song for several years starting around age 4 I think. Then I became obsessed with a composition titled "Wedding of the Painted Doll". Maybe that's where I developed my love of going from the major of a given chord to its minor.

Douglas Kent: At what age did you begin to believe music would be a career for you?

Mary Lee Kortes: I never thought music would be a career. I didn’t realize you could have one. In my childish view I thought people were somehow magically plopped into fame.

Douglas Kent: What instruments are you able to play proficiently? Were you trained as a musician, or are you self-taught?

Mary Lee Kortes: I play guitar and piano and percussion. I took piano lessons growing up, a little bit of guitar as a grownup. I also played clarinet, bass clarinet, and baritone horn in jr high and high school band.

Douglas Kent: You first gained some major notoriety for your Blood on the Tracks project. How did that idea come about and how did you bring it to fruition?

Mary Lee Kortes:A friend of mine -- Chris Gray of Martin's Folly -- was asked to take part in something called "Classic Album Night" at Arlene's Grocery in NYC. They were looking for someone to round out the bill with Blood On The Tracks. I naively volunteered. When I called the club they said they'd never thought of asking a woman, so I said, "Well then, I'm your man!" After I started practicing the songs I realized I didn't know all the words like I'd thought. Also I didn't know how to sing it without imitating Dylan. Twice I picked up the phone to cancel because I was certain I was going to embarrass myself if I attempted this feat, but something in me said "Don't be a quitter." I'm glad I listened to that voice. And eventually I did find my own voice to perform with.

Douglas Kent: While you did some touring with Bob Dylan (I believe) I am surprised how many people discovered you and Mary Lee's Corvette the same way I did: when you went on tour opening for the Joe Jackson Band after their release of Volume 4. What was that lake, and what did you take away from that experience?

Mary Lee Kortes: I only opened for Bob once. I toured with Joe for three months here and in Europe. It was a truly glorious experience. Joe was very supportive. What did I take away? Hmmmm. It was pretty heartening winning over those audiences so I guess it gave me a lot of confidence. It was so wonderful to see so much of the world and know that it was my music that got me there. There's actually a song on the new record called "The Music Got Me Here". The biggest bonus is that Joe and I became friends. He plays on the new record on a song called "Will Anybody Know That I Was Here".

Douglas Kent: What can you tell the readers about "Feel the Music"? [I don't know, but I am assuming you are still involved with them?]

Mary Lee Kortes: Feel The Music is an organization that offers music and art programs to a specific population of children, mainly those who've lost family to terrorism. Right now I'm beginning a program with them where I teach songwriting to children who are being treated for cancer at New York Presbyterian Hospital.

Douglas Kent: What have you been doing since the release of Love, Loss, and Lunacy in 2006?

Mary Lee Kortes: Quite a bit! In addition to a lot of teaching work, I got this nutty idea that I wanted to work for the UN! And I've been doing that for awhile. I'm a writer and researcher for various of their publications. And I've been working on The Songs of Beulah Rowley.

Douglas Kent: I was thrilled to learn you have plans to release a new CD. Is this another Corvette project, or are you tagging this as a solo work?

Mary Lee Kortes: For some reason I can't explain I'm doing it as Mary Lee's Corvette, although everyone involved is a Corvetteran.

Douglas Kent: What can you tell us about it?

Mary Lee Kortes:I was on tour in the UK a while back wondering what my next record should be. I do other kinds of writing and was trying to figure out how to incorporate that into my next album but I didn't know what that meant. I went to sleep one night thinking about all this and woke up with a woman in my head named Beulah Rowley -- a regionally famous singer and songwriter from the Midwest, 1930s. I immediately wrote a song by her, finished the tour, went home and wrote her biography and a batch of songs by her. I just debuted the show in New York and an EP is about to become available on my website and on Band Camp.

Douglas Kent: What is the achievement you most wish to accomplish in your career that you haven't done yet?

Mary Lee Kortes: Most wish? That's hard. I would like to have my songs be the soundtrack to a film. I'd like to write a song that becomes a standard. But then who wouldn't?

Douglas Kent: Can you give us five of your favorite books of all time?

Mary Lee Kortes: A Secret History, The Great Gatsby, In Search of the Miraculous, Four Archetypes, Raise High The Roofbeam Carpenters

Douglas Kent: Five of your favorite movies?

Mary Lee Kortes: The King of Hearts, A Lion in Winter, Tootsie, City Island. The Wizard of Oz

Douglas Kent: Five artists you find yourself listening to the most lately?

Mary Lee Kortes: Freedy Johnston, Beulah Rowley (!), various international folk songs. That's not 5 but that's the next I can do right now

Douglas Kent: Lastly, the artist (living or not) you would most like to collaborate with on a song?

Mary Lee Kortes: George Gershwin, Elvis Presley, Steve Earle, Emmylou Harris, Kurt Cobain

Douglas Kent: If someone wants to learn more about your projects, or contact you, what is the best way?

Mary Lee Kortes: My email address is maryleescorvette@gmail.com, and my website is www.maryleescorvette.com (although it is the process of being updated). I am on Facebook, and so is Beulah Rowley.

We're running a "23 tunes" contest here (stolen blatantly from Mark Wightman and the late lamented The Sprouts of Wrath. If anyone would like to send me a tape or CD of their 23 (which was the original point) that would be great, but I don't intend to require that. I will be playing in the sense that I'll be putting 23 tunes in, and you have to guess me, but I obviously won't score points (Heather will be following the same rule as well – participating but not playing). Send commentary with your choices (although the commentary for any songs won’t be printed until the following issue, when the matches are revealed), and we'll see if people can guess who you are!!! And already there is a LOT of diversity in defining tunes and styles, so BE CREATIVE!!!

23 Tunes Game

Here are the rules for 23 TUNES. You send me three tunes for the first turn, and then two tunes in each of the last ten turns for a total of 23. If you missed the first turn, you can still catch up by sending five tunes next issue, and guess on submitters to this issue. Actually, you can send all 23 tunes at once if you want to, but then you’ll need to remember to guess everyone else’s each month. I am also submitting my tunes. After we're done, I'd like to exchange CD's/Tapes for as many of the tunes players as possible, but this is not required. I'll be sending the winner my 23 Tune list. The winner is determined by having you guess each issue who submitted what list (I will tell you who the submitters are). For each song you get right (except those you submitted yourself), you get a point, you also can win bonus points from me for really cool tune selections. That's it, not complicated. I hope by starting this up, we'll get more to join.

So, put simply…you send in the name and artist of songs you really like or have special meaning to you. I print 3 of them the first turn, and 2 year turn after that (you can submit that way, or send in all 23 at once, or anything in between). Each issue I list the songs for that turn, without revealing who submitted which song. I also print a list of who submitted songs (again, without telling you which songs they sent in). Your mission is to match the people with the songs (but no points for your own). Simple. And I’ll offer other prizes as well, to be determined later. If you miss a turn, make it up my sending enough songs to catch up with the other players (and the overdue songs will simply be revealed immediately).

It was pointed out to me that Jim’s version grouped the songs by person, and you got a point by identifying each group. I like it better this way...some of it may seem a bit random, but patterns may emerge and educated guesses can be made.

23 Tunes - Round One

First, two players who have joined us but missed Round One. Amber Smith’s 3 songs for Round One are: Rolling in the Deep – Adele, Just Smile - Clara Lofaro, and I Cut Myself Too – Gob. And another, Phil Murphy: His 3 songs are Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen - A legendary song by perhaps the greatest band ever. My all time favorite; Whiskey in the Jar – Thin Lizzy - Great cover of a classic Irish song. Wonderful guitar playing; Poison – Alice Cooper - This song has a special meaning for me. It's one that I associate with she who is my better half... an Alice Cooper fan. It's also a damn good song in its own right.

I’m happy to report that while some people didn’t make guesses, we only had one player who played Round One fail to submit songs for Round Two.

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Andy York, Brendan Whyte, Chris Babcock, David McCrumb,

Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jack McHugh, Jim Burgess, Kevin Tighe, Marc Ellinger, Mark Firth, Martin Burgdorf, Melinda Holley, Paraic Reddington, Pat Vogelsang, Richard Walkerdine, and Rick Desper.

Each song is followed by the name of who submitted it and any personal comments they made on the song. These are followed by comment made by other players (attributed) and then any correct guesses.

1. Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer: Andy Lischett. Douglas Kent “This song has been completely overkilled in my head by now.” Correct – MH, BW, CB

2. Astronaut: A Short History of Nearly Nothing - Amanda Palmer: Andy York. Correct: PR.

3. Baguee - Paris Combo: Brendan Whyte - The song title gets sung 20 times in a row as the chorus. Nothing like well crafted meaningful lyrics!

4. Behold – Culture: Mark Firth

5. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen: Richard Walkerdine - Created the pop video and changed the industry forever. Brendan Whyte “Incredibly overrated song by an incredibly overrated band.” Phil Murphy “A legendary song by perhaps the greatest band ever. My all time favorite.” Correct: GK.

6. Breathe - Anna Nalick: Heather Taylor. Douglas Kent “I love this song, and and Anna’s voice.” Correct: MH, MB.

7. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison: Paraic Reddington. Douglas Kent “Not my favorite Van, but always fun.”

8. Can't You Hear Me Knocking - The Rolling Stones: Douglas Kent – This has always been one of my favorite Stones songs, despite the goofy lyrics. I especially like the jam through the end.

9. Cherry, Cherry - Neil Diamond: Pat Vogelsang. Correct: GK, HA.

10. Civilized Man - James Marsters: Heather Taylor. Correct: JB.

11. Downtown - Petula Clark: Richard Walkerdine - She was my first heartthrob. Douglas Kent “I prefer the Alan Sherman version. And of course this song has its special reference for Seinfeld fans.” Correct: JB, HA.

12. Edie (Ciao Baby) - The Cult: Hank Alme. Douglas Kent “The Cult were both generic, and sometimes underrated.”

13. Embrasse-Moi – Lio: Martin Burgdorf. Correct: PR.

14. Fantasy - Earth, Wind and Fire: Pat Vogelsang. Correct: AL.

15. Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen: Chris Babcock. Richard Walkerdine “Oh my, what a video!” Correct: PR.

16. Five Nights of Bleedin – LKJ: Mark Firth

17. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger: Chris Babcock. Douglas Kent “Sadly, I found the rest of this album to be rubbish.” Correct: MH, GK.

18. Friends in Low Places - Garth Brooks: Pat Vogelsang

19. Go Now - Bessie Banks: Geoff Kemp - I have been a Moody Blues fan for longer than I can remember, Their version is good but not a patch on the original (as far as I know it is!). Correct: BW, PR, CB.

20. Golden Slumbers - The Beatles: Marc Ellinger. Andy Lischett “A Beatles song I’ve never heard of? Arg!” [[Never heard of? Wow…it’s 4th from the last on side 2 of Abbey Road, immediately before Carry that Weight (it’s part of the side 2 medley of songs which begins with You Never Give Me Your Money)]]. Correct – JB, HA.

21. Good Old Boys Like Me - Don Williams: David McCrumb - This is about as close to describing my growing up as you can get. Especially the last verse. Plus is it a great song. Correct: MB.

22. Gun Shot a Cry - Eek-A-Mouse: Mark Firth. Correct – JB, AL.

23. Hate Me - Blue October: Hank Alme. Correct: CB.

24. Heartbreaker - Intergalactic Touring Band: Jim Burgess - This song comes in with tinkling piano and then Larry Fast's brilliant synthesizer and is about a hypnotized deep space mission gone bad as the ship spirals down like a moth to a flame, circles round, circles round.... I love this album and recently found it was all on iTunes and have started listening to it again for the first time in like 30 years. I have written about it before, so again, you should have gotten that this was me on all three of these, we'll see if anyone got them.

25. House of the Rising Sun - The Animals: Paraic Reddington – I picked this as I live in Australia, where the sun never seems to set. Richard Walkerdine “Eric at his gravel voiced best.”

26. I Know What I Like in Your Wardrobe – Genesis: Geoff Kemp - One of the first LP's I brought was Genesis - Selling England by the Pound, and this was a quirky catchy track which was actually released as a single (their first to chart) reaching number 21. Correct: MB.

27. I Scare Myself - Dan Hicks: Kevin Tighe – Best violin solo. Ever. Correct: AL.

28. I Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow: Rick Desper. Douglas Kent “Annabella was a teen’s dream when MTV first hit cable.”

29. If I Were a Boy – Reba: Andy York

30. Incredible Machine – Sugarland: Andy York. Correct: PR.

31. It's My Life - Talk Talk: Hank Alme. Douglas Kent “I much prefer this version to the remake.” Correct: MB.

32. Life During Wartime - Talking Heads: Jack McHugh. Douglas Kent “You can’t find new music like this on the radio.” Correct – JB.

33. London Calling - The Clash: Jack McHugh. Brendan Whyte “Why didn't the Beeb jump on this for their call sign?” Richard Walkerdine “When Punk Rock started to appeal more widely.” Correct – JB, MB.

34. Long Way Home - Tom Waits: Kevin Tighe – Waits is in rare fine voice. Nicely covered by Norah Jones on her 2^nd CD. Correct – BW, PR, CB.

35. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division: Jim Burgess - This is one of my favorite songs of all time with Ian Curtis at his growling best. This song makes you want to commit suicide, as of course Ian eventually did. This song just snarls at you and won't quit, it WAS the best song of the 1970's and the best song out of that beginning of the punk movement in the UK. Brendan Whyte “Cute riff, but not enough instrumentation around it. One sad clapped out synth and an emphacemic voice. And that used to be so state of the art... sort of like flares and wing collars... gives you shivers every time you hear it again now... shivers of embarrassment!”

36. Low Down and Dirty - Crooked Still: Jim Burgess - This was almost a test to see who has been reading TAP. Since I was JUST talking about this album and this song there, you all should have figured out that was mine. It should be the song MOST identified as me, we'll see. Aoife O'Donovan has a gorgeous voice and sings this song beautifully, but... what is it about? It was composed on Doug's favorite holiday (you all know what this is, right?) and she is really doing the dirty deed to end a bad relationship. You can see a fun discussion of the song at http://thespps.org/blog/2010/10/24/13-days-of-murder-songs-low-down-and-dirty/. Correct: JB.

37. Mad World - Michael Andrews/Gary Jules: Rick Desper. Correct: ME.

38. Midnight in Montgomery - Alan Jackson: David McCrumb - This is a very haunting song. It always sends shivers up my spine when I hear it. It was even better in concert. Mesmerizing. You wouldn't think 10,000 people could be that quiet but there was no extraneous noise during this song. Correct: MH.

39. Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan: Richard Walkerdine - Inspired a generation or three. Brendan Whyte “Dylan can't sing. So why do people pay him money to do so? It's like paying to enter a freak show: it gives you a bit of a self-righteous thrill that you aren't as bad as the thing on stage, but you come out feeling dirty and needing a shower.” Correct: MH, MF.

40. Nite and Day – Tuxedomoon: Martin Burgdorf. Correct – JB, AL, HA.

41. Penny Lane - The Beatles: Rick Desper

42. Rambling Rover - Silly Wizard: Kevin Tighe. Correct: PR.

43. Shake Me Down - Cage the Elephant: Marc Ellinger. Correct: PR, MB.

44. Silent Night – Traditional: Andy Lischett. Correct – JB, ME.

45. Simple Man - Johnny Van Zandt: Melinda Holley. Correct – BW, RW.

46. Sweet Dreams Are Made of This – Eurythmics: Jack McHugh. Richard Walkerdine “Sweet voiced Annie at her brilliant best (and she's still as good now).”

47. The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon and Garfunkel: Douglas Kent – Almost every song on the Bridge Over Troubled Water album remains a favorite of mine, but this has stuck with me even when others faded. I was saddened to hear the ethereal “here I am” portion used on a commercial recently.

48. Theme from Shaft - Issac Hayes: Brendan Whyte - Black dude gets heavy., And later wanted his salty chocolate balls sucked during children's hour. Hmm... Douglas Kent “Poor Issac, had to give up all his royalties for his hits to the IRS.” Correct: PR.

49. This Love - Maroon 5: Chris Babcock. Douglas Kent “Ugh, didn’t like it much the first time, and hated it after the 5,000^th playing.”

50. Twelfth of Never - Johnny Mathis: Melinda Holley. Correct: RW.

51. Vienna - Billy Joel: Douglas Kent – I found Joel’s explanation for what Vienna signified only made me like this song more. For me this was his best album. Brendan Whyte “Ultravox did a better one with this name.” Correct – JB.

52. Voice So Sweet - Sara Rue: Heather Taylor

53. We Used to Wait - Arcade Fire: Marc Ellinger

54. What Child is This - Jay Pierce: Melinda Holley. Correct – RW.

55. When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Krauss: David McCrumb - She is my favorite singer. Anything she does. Except for her collaboration with Robert Plant. She has such a wide vocal range I don't think there is anything she can't sing. You will see several of her songs on my list. It was very difficult to decide which one to place among the first three. Ask me again for the next four weeks and I'll probably give you four different answers.

56. Where the Streets Have No Name - U2: Paraic Reddington – I picked two Irish artists as I’m Irish. Douglas Kent “My favorite song on the album.” Correct: MB.

57. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane: Andy Lischett – The best Rock and Roll song ever, sung by the best Rock and Roll singer ever. Richard Walkerdine “A near perfect drug song (if there is such a thing)”

58. Wild Thing – Goodies: Geoff Kemp - Whilst I am sure you will have come across the Troggs original, I don't know whether the Goodies, a British tv comedy trio were ever seen your side of the pond. Most of the records were jokey Christmas type numbers, the exception was this, ok a jokey version, but one that does sound like a real rock band messing around. Weird. [[The Goodies were indeed shown on PBS, and I remember watching a number of episodes in my youth]]. Correct: ME.

59. You Do Something to Me - Bryan Ferry: Martin Burgdorf

60. You're Not the Boss of Me - They Might Be Giants: Brendan Whyte - Great song. A pity the programme idea has been so badly imitated by The Middle. Correct: AL.

I awarded one bonus point to anyone who listed their own songs in their “guesses.” Since it wasn’t explicitly mentioned in the rules, I felt I should give them something even though I wouldn’t give them the full three points. That rule has now been listed, so you get zero credit for your own songs from now on.

Scores (of those who submitted at least some guesses): Jim Burgess [JB] – 9; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 9; Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 9; Andy Lischett [AL] – 6; Melinda Holley [MH] – 5; Hank Alme [HA] – 5; Chris Babcock [CB] – 5; Marc Ellinger [ME] – 4; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 4; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 4, Geoff Kemp [GK] – 4; Mark Firth [MF] – 2, Amber Smith [AS] – 0, Kevin Tighe [KT] - 0. A number of you simply refused to guess, saying it was too hard. Your loss!

23 Tunes - Round Two

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Andy York, Brendan Whyte, Chris Babcock, David McCrumb,

Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jack McHugh, Jim Burgess, Kevin Tighe, Marc Ellinger, Mark Firth, Martin Burgdorf, Melinda Holley, Paraic Reddington, Amber Smith, Phil Murphy, Richard Walkerdine, and Rick Desper.

1. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix

2. All Along the Watchtower (Alternate Take) - Jimi Hendrix

3. Ball and Biscuit - The White Stripes

4. Ballad of a Ballgame - Christine Lavin

5. Bang Bang Bang - The Virginmarys

6. Beautiful Freak - Eels

7. Black Dog - Led Zepplin

8. Blues in the Night - Woody Herman

9. Calling You - Blue October

10. Crocodile Roll - John Williamson

11. Dirty Deeds - AC/DC

12. Dust in the Wind - Kansas

13. Frankenstein - Edgar Winter Group

14. Girl From East of the River - Wet Wet Wet

15. Girls on Film - Duran Duran

16. Great Southern Land - Ice House

17. I Can See For Miles - The Who

18. I Hear Your Car - Mark Cutler

19. I Will Return - Springwater

20. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley

21. Jealous Guy - Roxy Music

22. Looky Looky Looky - Sparks

23. Love at the Five and Dime - Nancy Griffith

24. Love Bites - Def Leppard

25. Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are - Meat Loaf

26. Paranoid Androis - Radiohead

27. Rangers - A Fine Frenzy

28. Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple

29. Spark - Tori Amos

30. Stormy Weather - Ella Fitzgerald

31. Take the High Road - Silly Wizard

32. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

33. The Elements - Tom Lehrer

34. The High Road - Broken Bells

35. The Irish Rover - The Dubliners

36. The Lord'll Provide - Mike Cross

37. The Uninvited Guest - Marillion

38. Time to Play the Game - Motorhead

39. Tremble - Lou Rhodes

40. Waterloo - ABBA

41. Your Song - Elton John

42. You've Got It - Roy Orbison

For Round Three: Send in 2 more songs of your own (4 songs if you missed submitting in Round Two, 7 is you’ve missed both Round One and Round Two). Then try to match each song listed here with the person who submitted it (except your own; remember there are now 2 songs for each player). You can add commentary on your own songs, or any of the other songs; commentary is encouraged!

Deadline for Round Three of 23 Tunes is April 25th at 7pm my time.

That’s the day BEFORE the regular zine deadline.

Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column

Alex Richardson: First of all, congratulations on reaching the half-century with Eternal Sunshine, even if you didn't have to lick any stamps or catch your fingers in the stapler to get there...

Apologies to you and Richard for missing out on the Astronomers' Ball. I freely admit to being pathetic, moronic and... can't think of a suitable word so I'll just copy what Richard said... totally without imagination... yes, that'll do. In my defense, I would say that you take your eye away from the screen for five minutes and another issue of ES has popped up, but really there is no defense.

[[That’s why I like to print zines out. At least them I can read them in the waiting room, or the bathroom.]]

Richard makes a good point when he says that many of his contributors were his friends. With the benefit of hindsight (and ignoring the games side of things) I'd like to put forward the vague theory that the best and greatest zines of the old days were always the ones that had a core of readers who knew (or had known) each other in the Real World and used the zine to keep in touch with their friends.

[[Any zine that had a community (or clique) feel was more enjoyable, especially as they usually would allow newcomers into the fold and explain the inside jokes.]]

The UK Diplomacy hobby was dominated in the early Seventies by the social activities of a group known as the Old Hard Core, a kind of loose gentleman's drinking club with typewriters, but there are lots of other examples -- the Viennamob, the St Andrews and Warwick university zines, the Surrey and Bristol nodes. The point is that, whether the zine was started at school, university or just by a bunch of games-playing mates, at its heart would be a handful of people asking "When are we going to meet up again?" and discussing the results of these encounters at great length.

These days, of course, there are lots of other ways for people to stay in touch, which may help to explain why the "editorial" half of the Dip zine has died off with the growth of the internet while the "GMing" half has prospered. It doesn't matter if the players in a Diplomacy game are strangers and "participation" ends with the sending of orders.

Perhaps one small way to reverse the decline would be for each editor to start up a face-to-face games group, cultivating a handful of people who could be persuaded to regard his zine as their "club newsletter"? The results might not make very much sense to outsiders but at least it would give us a bit more to do.

[[I’ve wanted to do that, but time has stopped me. Still, I will be GMing at TexiCon in Fort Worth in May, and I started and pay for a Dallas Diplomacy group on meetup.com (and a free Yahoo group for all of Texas and the surrounding area.]]

Richard Walkerdine: The message from Dane in the letter column about By Popular Demand reminded me of a game of Categories from 20 or 30 years ago. In case you don't know Categories is a game where you agree on 5 or 6 categories and then choose a random letter of the alphabet. Each player has to submit as many entries as possible in each category with each one beginning with the chosen letter. In this game one of the categories was Famous Battles and the chosen letter was N. Mick Bullock was playing and one of his entries was 'Nagasaki'. When challenged he just shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well, I agree the Japanese didn't put up much of a fight."

Yorkshire wit at its finest...

[[Hmmm, maybe that game is worth trying?]]

Paraic Reddington: Congrats and thanks to Kevin Tighe for a most entertaining inclusion! Keep it up man!

[[His latest issue is included here, and seems to be more classic Tighe wit.]]

Andy Lischett: By Popular Demand. I still think a good variant would be to reward the least popular answer, which matches at least one other player (to avoid players saying (for example) "Radio" in the category "A vegetable"). I would run this in Cheesecake except that with only 24 subscribers and maybe 4 or 5 players it wouldn't work.

[[I’ve thought about By Least Popular Demand before, but without the matching requirement of yours it wouldn’t be workable. How would the scoring work?]]

23 Tunes. This is, like, impossible, dude! Of the 19 other players I only know you, Andy, Jim Burgess and Melinda, and of the 57 other songs I only know 12 or maybe 15. If I knew addresses or ages it might help, and I don'r even know if Pat and Chris are male or female (I'm assuming male, which doesn't help). There's also the chance that a player (or more) may be intentionally trying to muddy the waters by naming junk.

[[True, but a) it’s just for fun, b) patterns will emerge, and c) if you just guess one player for all the songs you get a minimum number of points. Some of the songs, with a bit of googling, wouldn’t be that hard…I figure anyone who looked up to see who James Marsters is and has read ES is going to guess Heather, since she’s suck a Buffy and Spike fan. Burgess’ and others have written a lot in TAP about music, and I supply my playlists in most issues, from which some songs might come.]]

Hank Alme: Once I was a baseball nut (roto league in college, going to the Astrodome a lot @ $4 bleachers + $4 a car was a deal, and it was right down the road from Rice). My wife and I used to go a lot of games together when we were dating (Astros again) and the when we were first married (Oakland A's) in the mid 1990's. Alas, I have been neglectful, but we are working to remedy that.

Since moving out east, I have been trying to become an O's fan. They make it so hard: it would seem they never met an example of "veteran leadership" (read "old expensive geezer") they don't want to sign. It is still nice to get up to Camden Yards from time to time. I am looking to spend more time at the Bowie Baysox (AA BAL) that are a bit closer (and cheaper).

So that's a long-winded way of making excuses: I have a vague notion of who is good, and could still list the teams by division from memory (though it took a few minutes to remember Cincinnati, of all teams!).

Kevin Tighe: Over the decades, I've met so many people who no interest in the history of anything. If it didn't happen in their lifetime they don't want to know about it. Like you, I don't comprehend how anyone can be like that. My conversations with these people are very short.

David Latimer: Interesting that “sugar” and “brown sugar” counted as two different answers [in By Popular Demand].

[[[Anyone who bakes will tell you they are each distinct individual items. You don’t casually substitute one for the other. Just as “sugar” is by default granulated sugar, and “confectioner’s sugar” is different than either of the other two.]]

Jim Burgess: (regarding 23 Tunes) Like a few others, I chose a theme for my first three songs. Since I was sending them in around Valentine's Day, I chose three songs of bittersweet or very strange love songs. I thought we were supposed to be seeing them as groups rather than individual songs -- makes the identification much harder. I'm sure my guesses sucked.

The Eternal Sunshine Baseball Prediction Contest

Time once again for the annual Eternal Sunshine Baseball Prediction Contest. The contest is simple: you get one point for each correct division winner, and one point for correctly selecting the wild card teams (one per league). Then you get two points for each team you correctly choose as league champion (meaning they play in the World Series), and three points for correctly picking the World Series winner. We’re not picking winners for individual playoff games…just the division winners, wild card teams, and who goes to the World Series. And remember, like all Eternal Sunshine contests, there will actually be a REAL PRIZE for the winner! Here are the entries I received…about as many as last year. This may be the last year for this if we don’t get better response next time.

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #29

Work is going well, but it has obviously cut into my free time a bit. I still force myself to find a few minutes to do this, and Dougie’s constant whining sometimes motivates me to write an article for Diplomacy World (which I am supposed to do as I am supposedly the Variant Editor, despite the piss-poor job I do of it). I’m not ready to open a new game in here yet, but maybe I will soon. In the meantime, you get more vulgar humor. Take that, Kevin “Bakerman” Tighe!

A Life Lesson

Sometimes, we try too hard to get to the greener grass. In the process, we end up in trouble. And when you find yourself in trouble and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember:

Not everyone who shows up...Is there to help you!!!!

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
Just to let you know, things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back please.

Don't sit around the office . . . Get out and enjoy nature!

. . . never mind, let's just go back inside .

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude, in a mirror and reflecting back a bit on her time spent with Bill...

Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her....

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...

'God...If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' she prayed...

And just like that... her ears fell off...

The Twisting Tale

Paraic Reddington wrote in with the following suggestion and submission. If you’d like to participate, please email me and let me know, and if you are one of the first to respond I will nominate you for Chapter 2 and ask you to send in your chapter for the next issue. Let’s see if we can get some readers off their butts and writing!

Paraic Reddington: I suggested to you before the idea of starting a ‘chapter play’ story in ES. The idea is that each issue someone writes another chapter and takes the story wherever they want it to go. The story runs for 10 chapters before concluding (with a new story starting). Each chapter would be exactly 500 words. In each issue, you would nominate the writer of the next chapter (or go with the first volunteer maybe?). The writer would choose a chapter title and then go nuts.

I think it would be interesting to see where the story would go and at the very least it may give some disturbing insight into the twisted minds that read your zine!!

Anyway – if you like the idea then here’s 500 words for chapter 1.

Chapter 1 - The Sent Item

“Oh sweet divine mother of holy Jesus!” he said aloud as he opened his bloodstained eyes and realized the intensity of his hangover. “Oh God, oh God, oh God” he murmured. He had a mouth as dry as Ghandi’s sandal and so he reached for the glass of water he always leaves on his bedside locker. He blindly fumbled around the locker and knocked over an empty beer bottle which fell to the floor and broke with a shattering that made him wince. “Bollocks” he grumbled.

He was afraid to open his eyes in case he might bleed to death. He slowly and agonizingly drew himself upright. There he sat – a shadow of a man – desperately balancing the need to urinate with the urge to vomit. He had a taste on his mouth that he could only describe as ‘wet cat’. He couldn’t remember what, or if, he had eaten the night before – but he was fairly sure he had done some drinking. “Oh God”.

He swung himself around and sat on the wrong side of the bed, a bad omen for sure but necessary to avoid the glass on his usual side. The room lazily helicoptered round him. “Bugger”. He waited for the toilet door to come around again and then summoned the energy and will to get to his feet. A marching band played “Beethoven’s 10^th Pots and Pans Symphony” in his head.

He swayed his way across the room and into the bathroom. “I’m never drinking again” he said to himself in the mirror as he grasped the sink for dear life. He leaned in close and marveled at the stranger in front of him. Standing there in his underwear he looked like shit. “I need a drink”. He winced as he pushed out a resounding and deeply satisfactory fart.

The night before was a foggy haze of muddled memories and delirious details. “What the fuck happened?” he thought as he tried desperately to piece the night together. He was home alone all night – of that he was sure. He had watched that stupid documentary on Intelligent Design ‘til midnight. Those crazy evangelists would drive anyone to drink, he thought. “Oh God, my head.”

He trundled into the living room, vaguely scratching his arse as he walked, and sure enough the TV was still on. The coffee table betrayed the night before. A large bowl with inedible popcorn kernels. A couch embedded with ground in popcorn. Empty beer bottles. So, so many empty beer bottles. And on the coffee table, still open and humming, his laptop.

His plonked himself down on the couch, trying to ignore the incessant inane babble that is modern morning television. He stared at the bleary laptop screen and willed it into focus. He desperately hoped that it would give him some idea as to what had happened. Microsoft Outlook Express was open to an empty inbox. He rolled the shaking mouse to his Sent items. And there it was. Sent at 2:47am.

To be continued…

Email me at dougray30@yahoo.com if you’d like to participate!

Same as it ever was. . .

HUMBOLDT Two score & 3

Hello again, Kevin Tighe (sounds like Tae) here, living in Big Lake, MN, and I do not have a brother. I had a really good response to my last issue. So many, that I will print highlights of the very best letters. I’m touched, really.

“I am so happy you are back. Your issue was quite funny; I just wish I could laugh. Lol.” Roger Ebert

“With Humboldt in hand I am ready to save the world. Again.” Buffy Summers

“As a Scotsman, I always read free material. Your subzine is the best I have ever . . . (Ding Dong), why who is that at the door? It’s Secretariat!!” Craig Ferguson ((For those of you across the pond, Craig is a late-night talk show host who has 2 guys in a horse costume dance across the stage while he puts his arms above his head and pumps them up down and side to side, to this tune da, da, dada, da, da, da, dadada, da, da dada da. Everybody now, even you in the back, da, da, dada, da, da, da, dadada, da, da, dada, da.))

“Your you-tube sites were very funny. I’ve had a lot of free time lately to scan the web. I suggest you see the Muppets sing Bohemian Rhapsody. Beaker cracks me up.” H. Mubarak

“It’s nice to carry a subzine that doesn’t rely on profanity for its humor.” Douglas Kent

“What the fuck is this shit?!” Flapjack McHugh

“I read Humboldt while taking holiday in Bruges. I would find it funny if I had grown up on a farm and was retarded. But I didn’t, so I don’t.” Colin Farrell

“I could kiss you!” Captain Jack Harkness

“I googled Alexander Humboldt and think his life could make a great movie. The story would concentrate on the explorations in South America and the discovery of a shirtless teenage werewolf, who Humboldt falls in love with. Oh yes, Humboldt is a teenage girl named Ally.” Stephenie Meyer

“What do you mean people are writing to you. You just got here!” Richard Walkerdine

“You nailed it. (bang, bang, bang) Nailed it.” Brian Wilson (S.F. Giants) ((that one’s for me.))

“Even here, deep in my bunker, I am able read all of my yahoo group zines. I especially enjoyed the Diplomacy Yahtzee – ‘there are no dice’. Ha ha, still brings a smile to my face. May I suggest Diplomacy Jenga? Everyone pulls out a piece at the same time. Mass chaos, I love it. . . Why who is that at the door? It’s Secretariat!” M. Kaddafi da, da, dada, da, da, da, ((c’mon people I know this is the most exercise you’ve had all winter.)) dadada, da, da, dada, da, ((move those flabby arms!)) da, da, dada, da, da, da, dadada, da, da, dada, da.

So thank you all for that tremendous response. Next time I’ll try to keep this more topical. I will discuss the No Fly zones the U.S. has imposed on Libya, Yemen, Bahrain, Tunisia, Oman, Syria and Djibouti.

Time isn’t holding us, Kevin

SUDOKU COMPARED TO MAGIC SQUARES

by Paul Milewski

I recently finished reading A History of Japanese Mathematics by David Eugene Smith and Yoshio Mikami (a Dover reprint of a 1914 publication. Being a little on the dense side, it just occurred to me this evening that the Sudoku puzzles I so love resemble but differ from the magic squares discussed in the book. Smith and Mikami mention something written about magic squares by Imamura Chiso in 1660, by Hoshino Sanenobu in 1673, by Seki Kowa in 1683, among other works by other Japanese mathematicians. (The authors were interested in how Japanese mathematics evolved independently from European mathematics, except for an extremely limited contact with the Dutch at Nagasaki. They acknowledge that the Japanese borrowed heavily from the Chinese, who in turn borrowed heavily from the Arabs.)

One quirk of the book is explained by the caveat that “in Japanese proper names the surname is placed first in accordance with the native custom, excepting in the case of person now living who follow the European custom of placing the surname test.” This parallels the Chinese practice, with which most Americans are familiar, of placing the “last name” first, as in the case of Chairman Mao (Mao Zedong, also transliterated as Mao Tse-tung, in which Mao is what we would consider the “last name” but which comes first).

There is a particular clear discussion of Seki’s method for creating (2n + 1)² squares beginning on page 116 in which the method is used to create a 7x7 magic square.

A Wikipedia article on the subject of magic squares includes the following:

a magic square of order n is an arrangement of n2 numbers, usually distinct integers, in a square, such that the n numbers in all rows, all columns, and both diagonals sum to the same constant. A normal magic square contains the integers from 1 to n2. Normal magic squares exist for all orders n ≥ 1 except n = 2, although the case n = 1 is trivial, consisting of a single cell containing the number 1. The smallest nontrivial case, shown below, is of order 3.

$M = \frac{n(n^2+1)}{2}.$ The constant sum in every row, column and diagonal is called the magic constant or magic sum, M. The magic constant of a normal magic square depends only on n and has the value

A Wikipedia article on Sudoku puzzles provides the following definition:

Sudoku is a logic-based, combinatorial number-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill a 9×9 grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 sub-grids that compose the grid contains all of the digits from 1 to 9. The puzzle setter provides a partially completed grid, which typically has a unique solution. The same single integer may not appear twice in the same 9x9 playing board row or column or in any of the nine 3x3 subregions of the 9x9 playing board.

The instructions for solving Sudoku puzzles I’ve seen typically would include something along the lines of putting a 5 in the 7^th square of the 3^rd row because (1.) there is a 5 in the first row of the first 3x3 square and a 5 in the second row of the one next to it, so the 5 in the third (or upper right) 3x3 square has to be in the 3^rd row, (2.) it has to be to the left or right of the 6 in that row, (3.) it can’t be to the right of the 6 because of the 5 in that same column in the second 3x3 square below it, so (4.) it goes to the left of the 6.

I cannot but wonder if the popularity of Sudoku puzzles is at least in part attributable to the historical Japanese interest in magic squares.

THE GOLF LESSON

by Richard Walkerdine

A novice golfer was being given a lesson by the club professional. They had reached the fifth fairway, which was situated at the top of a ridge. Unfortunately the novice golfer sliced his shot very badly and the ball shot off to one side, hit a tree, rebounded from it and started bouncing down the slope, gaining speed as it did so.

At the bottom of the slope was the edge of the golf course, protected by a wall. But the speed of the bouncing ball was such that it bounced over the wall and into the path of the traffic on the road at the bottom. Unfortunately a coach was travelling along the road and the golf ball flew through the driver’s side window, hitting him on the side of the head and causing him to lose control of the coach, which swerved across the central reservation and into the path of the traffic on the other carriageway.

Another coach was travelling in the opposite direction and there was a terrible collision. The first coach burst into flames, incinerating all on board, while the second coach was pushed off the far side of the road and started tumbling down the slope on that side, with windows being smashed and dead and injured passengers being thrown out.

It finally came to rest lying across the railway line that was at the bottom of the slope just as a high speed train was going by. The train of course hit the coach, the drivers cab burst into flames and the carriages were flung about on both sides of the track with bodies flying everywhere.

It was a scene of total carnage.

The novice golfer had of course seen all this from the top of the ridge. He turned to the club professional and, with a look of utter horror on his face, said, “My god, what do I do?”

The club professional thought for a moment and then replied. “Well sir,” he said, “I think if perhaps you were to hold your hands closer together on the club.....”

The Narnian Wars – A Diplomacy Variant

by Brian Hogan

with ideas borrowed from Downfall of the Lord of the Rings VII, with thanks and kudos to Hartley Patterson, John Norris, and Glover Rogerson.

1. Introduction

The standard rules of Diplomacy apply, except where noted below. This variant is based on the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. In an attempt to simulate the books, this variant introduces a number of variations to the standard Diplomacy rules. These are explained below.

2.Initial Placement

Narnia: A/F Cair Paravel, A Reepicheep, ABeaversdam, High-King random location in Narnia (GM determined)

Archenland: A Anvard, A Corin, Cor in Anvard.

Dwarfs: A Chippingford, A Shuddering Wood, (see special rules on Dwarfs alignment and personality units).

Giants: 2A Harfang, A Ettinsmoor

Telmar: Miraz Castle Miraz, A Castle Miraz, A Telmar, A Argoz,

Lone Islands: A/F Doom, A/FGalma, F Brehn.

Calormen: 2A Azim Balda, A Ilkeen, A/F Tashbaan.

Queen (If Jadis the White) Witch Castle; (If Green Queen) Queen anywhere North of Great River, A Ancient Tombs, A Aslan’s How, A City Ruinous, A Lantern Waste

3. Personality Units

There are four personality units: Cor, Nikabrik, Trumpkin and Miraz. High-King and Queens are treated as special units (see 4)

Personality units move as a normal unit. They have a combat strength of zero, but add one to the strength of any of their own units they move with. Other than by moving with their units, they may not give or receive support.

Miraz’s moves are always reported. Cor and the dwarf leader are only reported when moving with another unit; if they share an area with another player’s unit, that player is informed.

Cor may move with any good unit.

Dwarfs: The Dwarf player starts the game with no alignment or personality unit. He has three options which he may take:

1. He may take an evil supply center, thereby declaring himself GOOD and receiving Trumpkin as a unit in that center.

2. He may declare in the press the phrase “The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs!”, thereby stating his neutrality and receiving an Army at Dancing Lawn.

3. He may take a good home center, thereby becoming EVIL and receiving Nikabrik in that center.

All three options are irrevocable. A GOOD Dwarf does not affect ownership of GOOD centers he moves into, and vice-versa for EVIL aligned Dwarf. Neutral Dwarf may take any supply center.

Personality units do not-effect ownership of supply centers. Any unit which shares an area with a personality unit after moves may attempt to destroy that unit. This must be ordered (provisionally) with moves. The personality unit may retreat if attacked in this manner-. A normal unit that retreats into an area occupied by a personality unit may not attempt to destroy the PU.

Personality units are destroyed -if the unit they are travelling with is forced to disband through inability to retreat.

4. Special Units

a) Actually there- were several “Friends of Narnia” from Our World in the books, but for game purposes the four kings and queens and their compatriots are condensed into a single special unit; the- High-King. The High-King’s(HK) initial placement is determined by Aslan, in other words, the GM randomly places him somewhere North of Archenland, West of the coast, and South of the. River Shribble.

HK move as a normal unit. His whereabouts are unreported unless he exercises his powers or he shares an area with a unit when only that player is informed.

HK’s powers are as follows:

i) he may support as a normal unit.
ii) he makes any good or neutral unit he moves with equivalent to a 2A. No affect on real 2A units.
iii) he cannot be killed. If destroyed, he is considered “whisked away” to his own world by Aslan and will reappear as at gamestart in 1-6 moves.
iv) At two times during the game he may call on Aslan. This rescues HK and any accompanying unit from whatever dire circumstance they find themselves in. The GM determines how this works in each instance. The call & its results are published in the zine.
v) he has the aid of Fledge, the pegasus, and can fly across the central mountain range that is the Narnia / Archenland border and the Great River without using a pass or a ford. He may also take one personality unit as a passenger.

b) The Queen player must choose at gamestart whether to play Jadis or the Green Queen. Choice is irrevocable.

Jadis, the White Queen: Starts game in her castle. Her powers:

i) Any unit with which she shares an area can, at her command, be immobilized for 2 moves. Armies so immobilized are immune from harm while they are statues. Such armies cannot give or receive support while they are statues.
ii) she may support as a normal unit.
iii) she makes any evil or neutral unit she moves with equivalent to a 2A. No affect on real 2A units.

The Green Queen Starts game north of Great River, player’s choice.

i) Can command any unit unaccompanied by a personality unit for the move immediately following her sharing space with that unit. She must move off in a different direction from the controlled unit.
ii) powers ii and iii above as for Jadis. Whereabouts are reported under situations listed for HK.

In all other respects HK& Qu units are identical to personality units.

c) Multiple Units

The term Multiple Unit includes the Giant and Calormen 2As, and any personality, HK, or Witch augmented unit. Multiple units may not split their strength into multiple supports or attacks. A single attack- on a multiple unit cuts all its support. When retreating, 2As have the strength of-a single unit. Once lost, 2As may not be rebuilt. They-attack and support at double strength.

d) Army/Fleet Unit

Only Lone Islands can build A/F units. They may-always hold two A/F as long as they have the necessary supply centers. They may choose to build others at the rate of one for every four additional supply centers owned.

A/F units are amphibious and may cross from land to water with no penalty. They may retreat from sea to land and vice-versa. They may convoy as normal fleets. They may cross the Great River at any point. A/F units may travel up or down the Great River to any point in one move. A/F is a single unit.

5. Special Areas

a) Fortresses/Garrisons - Augmented defensive supply centers. Fortresses add one to the strength of anyone who occupies them. A fortress cannot support a unit moving out. Some fortresses have garrisons which give- the area an intrinsic defensive strength of one against certain units, regardless of occupation.

i) Fortresses without garrisons: Anvard, Stone Table, Doorn, Castle of the White Witch, Azim Balda, and Hermit’s Retreat

ii) Fortresses with garrisons that are destroyed if taken: Cair Paravel, Harfang, Castle Miraz.

iii) Tower of Owls acts as fortress for good units only.

iv) Tashbaan is permanently garrisoned regardless of ownership.

b) Mountains & the Great River - The lines of mountains marked on the map are impassable to all units. Units may move through pass areas. The Great River is impassable from Beaversdam to the sea, except at the Fords.

c) Doorn - If Doom is taken from the Lone Islands player, the new owner may build a fleet there. This fleet is-in addition to the allocations below (see 7a). Limit: One fleet per new owner only!

d) Islands (province includes surrounding sea within broken line) - Islands are accessible only by fleet or A/-F units. An Army unit on an island cannot leave unless convoyed. Treat as coastal province.

6. Alignment

Players are defined as Good, Neutral, or Evil. A Good player may not support or convoy an Evil player, and vice-versa. Good - Narnia, Archenland; Neutral = Giants, Telmar, Lone Islands; Evil = Calormen, Witch

Dwarf alignment is determined by that player as per rule 3. They are treated as neutral until they declare.

7. Miscellaneous

a) Fleets - All players, with the exception of the Giants and Telmar, may build fleets provided they have a build(s) coming and own a coastline or island supply center in which to put it. Does not have to be a home supply center (special rule for fleet builds only). Giants and Telmar must possess at least two coastal centers to build a fleet. (Giants are too large for easy navigation and Telmarines are afraid of the sea.)

b) Shared Areas - Certain units may move into the same province. Personality and Special Units-may all coexist with each other and with any normal unit. Exception: High-King may not share with a witch. If both attempt to move into same space unaided, HK prevails.

c) The Turns - Narnian Wars is played in Narnian years. Years are divided into seasons as in regular Diplomacy. Play begins in the year 1000 (the year 1940 in our world), and proceeds in yearly intervals.

8. Victory

There are a number-of possible Victory conditions:

i) A player controlling 2/3 -of all supply centers. (27 S.C. ‘s-) There are a total of 41 supply-centers.

ii) A group of players may agree to a draw which excludes any player in a beseiged position, without that player’s agreement. Otherwise, all draws must be unanimously agreed upon by all surviving players.

iii) A good- player may win by the complete destruction of all evil units and control of all Narnia and Archenland for three consecutive moves. An evil player may win with same conditions and the destruction of all good, rather than evil units. Single winner only. In the conditions above, besieged refers to any small locked-up position which cannot be broken into or out of.

About Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia are a series of seven books about the adventures of several children from England who are unexpectedly whisked out of our world, and into the wonderful land of Narnia, where mythology lives and animals talk. They deliver Narnia from a witch and are made kings and queens there. The real lord of Narnia is the great Lion Aslan, the creator of Narnia. I highly recommend reading the books, but to facilitate play for those of you who haven’t yet had the pleasure, I will flesh out some of the personalities and cultures.

Archenland: allies of Narnia to the south. Cor is a prince who grew up in Calormen and was known as Shasta. He saved Narnia and Archenland from a Calormen invasion and regained his royal birthright.

Dwarfs: a race of small workers in metal. Can be formidable in battle. Their loyalties shifted depending on their leaders and their self-serving natures. There are Black and Red Dwarfs. Nikabrik is an evil Black Dwarf. Trumpkin is a good Red Dwarf.

Giants: The northern giants were an ever present threat on the border of Narnia. They have a taste for human (and Marsh Wiggle) flesh.

Telmar: The Telmarines were descended from a group of pirates who blundered into Narnia thru a South Sea Island cave. They conquered and ruled Narnia for a time, silencing the beasts, trees, and fountains. They killed or drove away the dwarfs and fauns. Miraz was a cruel King of Telmar.

The Lone Islands: A group of islands in the eastern sea who were under nominal Narnian control. Actually two groups: Lone Islands and Seven Islands.

Calormen: A harsh desert land with harsh, cruel, haughty, arab-like people. Calormenes are known for their dark faces, long beards. Were flowing robes, orange turbans, are wise, courteous, cruel. Worship the god Tash and have rigid- hierarchy. Traditional: enemies of Narnia and Archenland. Their ruler is the Tisroc.

Queens: At various times in the history of Narnia it was ruled by wicked queens or witches. Jadis the White Queen came from Charn, a world she destroyed. Pulled into Narnia, unwillingly, at its creation, she received eternal life and set about conquering her new home. She ruled for about 100 years in which it was “always winter and never Christmas” until being- overthrown by Asian and the Pevensie children, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. The Green Witch/Queen was able to appear as a green serpent or as the lovely. “lady of the green kirtle”. She planned to take over Narnia with the aid of the bewitched Prince Rilian and the people of Bism, the underworld.

Aslan: The real king of Narnia (and the whole world), Aslan is described as the son of the Great Emperor Over Sea, .Creator of Narnia, and as having a different name in our world. He sacrificed his life to pay the blood debt of the traitor, Edmund, and later rose from the dead. He can be anywhere at any time, and-as Narnians are fond of saying, “He is not a tame lion.”

Friends of- Narnia: Are the children from our world that Asian has on occasion brought to Narnia to help deliver and rule it. Peter, High-King of Narnia and oldest of the Pevensie siblings. Susan, queen of Narnia and next oldest; very beautiful and great archer; Susan fell from grace due to vanity and “growing -up” and lost her belief and rights in Narnia. Edmund, king of Narnia and 3rd Pevensie; he betrayed Aslan when bribed by the White Queen, but was later redeemed; great warrior. Lucy, youngest Pevensie and queen of Narnia; renowned for healing arts and as first Pevensie to discover Narnia. Digory Kirke and Polly Plummer were present at the creation of Narnia and responsible for Jadis’ entry into the new land. Eustace Scrubb, spoiled cousin to the Pevensies who is changed by his visits to Narnia. Jill Pole, schoolmate to Eustace, who with him helps free captive Prince Rilian and destroy the Green Witch. Frank and Helen, a London Cabby and his wife who are chosen by Aslan to be Narnia’s first King an Queen. Only a human can rule over Narnia, a son of Adam or daughter of Eve. Cair Paravel is the capital of Narnia.

Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Don Williams, Melinda Holley, needs five more to fill. Sign up now!

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Six, need one more to fill. Sign up now!

Narnian Wars (Black Press): A variant based on the C.S. Lewis world of Narnia. I ran this once or twice in Maniac’s Paradise. Rules and map contained in this issue. None signed up, needs 8 to fill.

Cline 9-Man Diplomacy V (Black Press): The most popular of the Cline 9-Man version. Rules and map in ES #47. Signed Up: Graham Wilson, Brad Wilson, Phil Murphy, Jack McHugh, needs five more. Let’s fill this, people! I want at least two more players by next issue or I will drop it!

Everybody Plays Diplomacy (Black Press): An ongoing everyone-plays variant. Rules are in ES #47. Join in at any time!

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time.

23 Tunes: Game currently underway, join any time.

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time. You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, Kevin Tighe (Dip only), Chris Babcock, Don Williams, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill. When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch. If you have specific game requests please let me know.

Eternal Sunshine Game Section

Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, F 12

Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): A Belgium - Ruhr (*Fails*), A Berlin – Kiel,

A Bohemia – Silesia, A Burgundy – Paris, A Munich Supports A Berlin – Kiel, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*),

F Rome – Tuscany, A Rumania Supports A Serbia, A Serbia Supports A Rumania, A Silesia - Berlin.

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): A Finland Supports F St Petersburg(nc),

A Gascony Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc), F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc), F North Sea – Denmark, F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc),

F St Petersburg(nc) Hold, A Wales glares at the empty pier (Hold).

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): No units.

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): ~~A Kiel Supports A Ruhr~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to

Holland or OTB), A Marseilles Hold, A Ruhr Supports A Kiel (*Cut*).

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): F Bulgaria(ec) Supports A Rumania,

F Greece Supports F Bulgaria(ec), A Livonia Supports A Moscow - St Petersburg,

F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Tunis - North Africa, F Tyrrhenian Sea – Tunis,

A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*), ~~F Spain(sc) Supports A Piedmont - Marseilles~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Gulf

of Lyon or OTB), F Western Mediterranean Supports F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

A/W 1912/Spring 1913 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Belgium, Berlin, Budapest, Kiel, Munich, Paris, Rome, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste,

Venice, Vienna, Warsaw=13, Build 3

England: Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Portugal, Spain,

St Petersburg, Sweden=10, Build 2

France: None=0, OUT!!

Germany: Holland, Marseilles=2, Even or Remove 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Moscow, Naples, Sevastopol, Smyrna, Tunis=9, Even

PRESS

Archduke to P.M.: Are you still using telegraphic communications?!? Ever hear of this recent invention - the telephone?

E to T : Ah... so frustrating when attacks bog down like that... You might grind Germany down eventually but you certainly won't get me without a fight!

E to G: I'm not using you as a mud-guard, I swear! Just tell me what I can do to help and I'll do it. By the by I'm assuming command of the forces in Denmark. You don't need the centre. I do.

E to E: Remember boys and girls, no leaving units in city centres where a fleet is needed. That's bad. A shame about Paris, but I never liked the Eiffel Tower anyway. Now to arrange for the art collection to be shipped to Calais and on to Dover.

E to A: Take Paris. We'll be back very soon anyhow.

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

Billy Ray Valentine: Gone so long I’d be shocked if he showed up.

Duke of York: Full of excuses.

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Marks.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Francs, 500 Marks, 500 Piastres. Buys 1009 Pounds.

Baron Wuffet: All hold.

Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Crowns, 500 Pounds, 500 Marks. Buys 1417 Piastres.

VAIONT Enterprises: Nuttin….

Insider Trading LLC: Still thinks it is too easy to manipulate.

Bourse Master: Stands pat.

Next Bourse Deadline is April 25th at 7:00pm my time

PRESS

Death of the French: the great equalizer.

SMAUG TO ALL: Y'know, buying all those francs was not the best move... *snorts flames*.

Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, W 09/S 10

France (Paraic Reddington - Paraic.Reddington “of” vix-erg.com): Build A Paris, A Marseilles..

F Aegean Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna, F Apulia - Adriatic Sea, A Belgium Hold,

A Burgundy – Marseilles, A Edinburgh Hold, F English Channel – London, F Greece Hold,

F Ionian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna, A Marseilles – Piedmont,

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna,

F North Atlantic Ocean Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna, A Paris – Burgundy, A Serbia Hold,

A Trieste Supports A Vienna, F Tyrrhenian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna, A Vienna Hold,

F Western Mediterranean Convoys A St Petersburg - Smyrna.

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Build A Berlin, A Kiel..

A Ankara Supports A St Petersburg – Smyrna, A Armenia Supports A St Petersburg – Smyrna,

F Barents Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna, A Berlin – Prussia, A Budapest Hold, A Bulgaria Hold,

A Constantinople Supports A Bulgaria, F Denmark - North Sea, A Galicia Supports A Budapest, A Holland Hold,

A Kiel Hold, A Munich Hold, F Norwegian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Smyrna,

A Rumania Supports A Budapest, A Silesia – Warsaw, A St Petersburg - Smyrna.

Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): Disbands F Aegean Sea, A Ankara..

F Eastern Mediterranean - Smyrna (*Fails*).

Fall 1910 deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

100,000 white doves take flight as a rousing cheer erupts from the Paris crowd. The trumpets sound and the cannons report for one last time. A new era of peace is upon us. The godless heathens of the east have been subdued and destroyed. Never again will their kind rise to threaten the peace loving peoples of the west. The smoke can clear now. The cannon craters can be ploughed under and planted. Future generations can grow old with no memory of war.

Turkey -> GF: Please tell me you're not going to do the around-the-world end of game convoy?

FRANKFURTER EXPRESS - INTERNATIONAL EDITION
Feb 10th, 1910.

Reuters reports that Kaiser Wilhelm I today met representatives of the Republic of France, including French President Paraic Reddington at an exclusive Black Sea resort favoured by the now deposed Sultan Tippoo of Turkey.

Allied forces met little resistance earlier this week as Turkish troops fled the field of battle; from the start they were hopelessly outnumbered, ill-armed and suffering a total collapse of morale. It is also reported that several members of the military council were shot by their own men as the rout occured. General Tuguy and Aroziel were among the prominent Turkish casualties confirmed by the Reichs Ministry for War.

Further information has also been revealed about the capture of Sultan Tippoo... Having urged his men to fight to the death and publically declaring his intention to stay 'to the bitter end', Tippoo nonetheless fled the Sultan's palace in an attempt to reach safety - and exile - in Cairo. He was betrayed by his own security detail at the docks and handed over to a French naval officer without any bloodshed.

When asked about the upcoming peace talks, the Kaiser's official spokesperson stated that "the Kaiser expects to agree a treaty with our noble French allies to establish a common zone of control along our border. Further talks on establishing a Free Trade Area in coal, steel and foodstuffs will be scheduled within a matter of weeks'.

Germany's war machine may have reached its destination, but how will it fare in peace time?

White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, F 08

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): F Denmark Unordered,

F Helgoland Bight Unordered, F North Atlantic Ocean Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg, A Norway Hold,

F Norwegian Sea Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): A Belgium Unordered, F Brest Unordered,

A Burgundy Unordered, A Kiel Unordered, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg,

A Piedmont Unordered, A Ruhr Unordered.

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): ~~A Munich Hold~~ (*Disbanded*).

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): No units.

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): F Barents Sea Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg,

A Berlin Supports A Bohemia – Munich, A Bohemia – Munich, A Finland Supports F Sweden, F Rumania Hold,

A Silesia Supports A Bohemia – Munich, F Sweden Hold, A Tyrolia Supports A Bohemia - Munich.

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): A Bulgaria watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy

is attempted, F Venice watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy is attempted, A Rome watches in wonder

as the longest ever convoy is attempted, F Apulia watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy is attempted,

F Eastern Mediterranean Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg, F Ionian Sea Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg,

A Syria - St Petersburg, A Trieste Supports F Venice, F Tyrrhenian Sea Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg,

F Western Mediterranean Convoys A Syria - St Petersburg.

W 08/S 09 Deadine is April 26th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

England: Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=5, Even

France: Belgium, Brest, Holland, Kiel, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=8, Build 1

Germany: None=0, OUT!

Italy: Tunis=1, Unable to Build

Russia: Berlin, Budapest, Moscow, Munich, Rumania, Sevastopol, Sweden, Vienna, Warsaw=9, Build 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Naples, Rome, Serbia, Smyrna, St Petersburg,

Trieste, Venice=11, Build 1

PRESS

None. You guys suck…

Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, F 10

Austria: A Budapest - Vienna (*Fails*), A Tyrolia - Piedmont (*Fails*), A Venice - Rome (*Fails*),

A Vienna - Bohemia (*Fails*).

England: F Norwegian Sea - Barents Sea (*Fails*), F Western Mediterranean - Ionian Sea (*Fails*).

France: F Tunis Supports F Ionian Sea - Western Mediterranean (*Void*).

Germany: Retreat A Galicia - Warsaw.. A Bohemia Supports A Silesia - Galicia (*Cut*),

F Gulf of Bothnia - St Petersburg(sc) (*Bounce*), A Kiel – Munich, A Livonia Supports A St Petersburg – Moscow,

A Marseilles – Piedmont, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Atlantic Ocean, F North Sea – Edinburgh,

F Norway Supports F Gulf of Bothnia - St Petersburg(sc), A Prussia Supports A Warsaw,

A Silesia - Galicia (*Fails*), A Spain – Marseilles, A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Fails*),

A Tuscany Supports A Marseilles – Piedmont, A Warsaw Hold.

Italy: F Naples Supports A Rome, A Rome Supports F Naples (*Cut*).

Russia: Retreat F St Petersburg(nc) - Barents Sea.. F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc) (*Bounce*),

F Liverpool Hold, A Moscow Supports F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc).

Turkey: F Albania - Ionian Sea, F Apulia Supports A Venice (*Ordered to Move*), F Black Sea – Constantinople,

A Galicia Supports A Vienna - Bohemia (*Cut*), F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Rumania Supports A Galicia,

F Sevastopol Hold, A Ukraine Supports A Moscow.

W 10/S 11 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Budapest, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=4, Even

England: None=0, OUT!!

France: Tunis=1, Even

Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel, London, Marseilles, Munich,

Norway, Paris, Portugal, Spain, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=17, Build 3 (Room for 2)

Italy: Naples, Rome=2, Even

Russia: Liverpool, Moscow=2, Remove 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Sevastopol, Smyrna=8, Even

PRESS:

A-T: Hope you took Nap, and Germany moved to Mun. If it makes sense to do so support into Rome would be nice!

Germany - Eng: Had to in the end, trying to end it all!

T - A: I can do nothing against Rom!

Germany - all: If all goes well...?

Graustark Game 2002D, F 20 - F/G Draw Passes!

End game report and statements will be printed next issue.

Anybody have the SC counts from the earlier years?

Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, Spring 1910

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): A Albania Supports A Serbia, A Galicia – Budapest,

F Naples - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*), A Serbia Supports A Galicia - Budapest (*Cut*), A Trieste Supports A Serbia.

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” planet.eon.net): F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

F English Channel Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Irish Sea Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Norway Supports F St Petersburg(nc),

A Paris Supports A Burgundy – Gascony, A Picardy - Brest (*Fails*), F St Petersburg(nc) Hold.

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Germany (Harley Jordan – harleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): F Baltic Sea Hold, A Bohemia – Vienna,

A Burgundy – Gascony, A Munich – Tyrolia, A Ruhr – Burgundy, A Tyrolia – Venice, A Venice - Tuscany.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): ~~F Gascony Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean~~ (*Dislodged*,

retreat to Spain(nc) or OTB), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Gascony (*Cut*),

F North Africa Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Russia (John Biehl – jerbil “of” shaw.ca): F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*), A Armenia – Sevastopol,

A Bulgaria Supports A Greece – Serbia, A Greece - Serbia (*Fails*), A Moscow – Warsaw,

A Rumania Supports A Greece – Serbia, F Sevastopol - Black Sea, A Ukraine Supports A Warsaw – Galicia,

A Warsaw - Galicia.

Summer/Fall 1910 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS:

Moscow (Apr 1, 1910) : The Imperial State Police services have raided the offices of the Novoya Gazeta and suspended its publication rights. The police charged the newspaper with printing scurrilous allegations that the Czar had remarked to the German Ambassador upon learning of the Austro-Hungarian attack on Naples that " With an ally like that, who needs enemies." The Imperial State Police deny the Czar ever said that.

Black Press Gunboat, “Scream” 2010Brb32, F 03

Austria: ~~A Serbia Supports F Trieste~~ (*Disbanded*), ~~F Trieste Hold~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Adriatic Sea or OTB).

England: F North Sea – Norway, F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Sea – Norway,

A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Fails*), A Wales - London.

France: F English Channel Supports F North Sea (*Ordered to Move*), A Paris Supports A Picardy – Burgundy,

F Marseilles Supports A Picardy - Burgundy (*Fails*), A Picardy – Burgundy, A Spain - Gascony.

Germany: A Belgium Hold, ~~A Burgundy - Picardy~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Munich or OTB),

F Denmark Supports F Helgoland Bight - North Sea, F Helgoland Bight - North Sea,

F Holland Supports F Helgoland Bight - North Sea, A Ruhr Supports A Belgium.

Italy: A Albania Supports A Venice – Trieste, F Greece Hold, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*),

F Rome - Gulf of Lyon (*Fails*), A Venice - Trieste.

Russia: A Budapest Supports A Rumania – Serbia, A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*),

~~F Norway Supports A Moscow - St Petersburg~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Sweden or Barents Sea or OTB),

A Rumania – Serbia, F Sevastopol – Rumania, F Skagerrak Supports F Holland - North Sea (*Void*),

A Vienna - Trieste (*Fails*).

Turkey: F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, A Bulgaria - Serbia (*Fails*), A Constantinople - Bulgaria (*Fails*),

F Ionian Sea - Tunis.

W 03/S 04 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: None=0, OUT!!

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg=5, Build 1

France: Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=5, Even

Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=6, Even or Build 1

Italy: Greece, Naples, Rome, Trieste, Venice=5, Even

Russia: Budapest, Moscow, Rumania, Serbia, Sevastopol, Sweden, Vienna, Warsaw=8, Build 1 or 2

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna, Tunis=5, Build 1

PRESS:

Star trek press - captains log unknown. things are not going well.
we got the troop transport the fdr behind gorn lines but they were able to produce another troop transport of there own to check the fdrr's advance.
the klingons attacked the hood with a force of 2 against one.
i still don't know how the hood held its ground.
the romulans are asking us to send the troop transport the ronald reagon into romulan space to help them fight the klingons in there space but i just cant take the chance.
at least the romulans aren't attacking us.
they still have a bird of prey in the neutral zone close to new vulcan.
i hope they stay friendly.
kirk out...

Mos - Lon: You should never have gone after my home dot.

england to russia...toshay!

TURKEY to RUSSIA – RT FTW

Mos - Ber: I am your ally and have no designs on anything you have. Please don't make me change my mind.

england to france; as much as i value our allience i can’t risk sending the only army i have defending england to the european continent. plus its hard to coordinate a move like that playing gunboat.

Mos - Con: Good move to the Ionian. What can I do to help you?

england to germany; why can’t we be friends why can’t we be friends why can’t we be friends why can’t we be friends!!!!!!

Mos - Bud: Nothing personal, you understand.

Diplomacy “Dublin Boys” 2010D, W 01

Winter Only by Player Request

Austria (Paul Milewski – paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): Build A Vienna, A Budapest..Has A Budapest,

A Rumania, A Serbia, F Trieste, A Vienna.

England (Kevin Tighe – tigheman “of” yahoo.com): Build F London..Has F London, F North Sea, F Norway,

A Yorkshire.

France (Jeff O’Donnell – unclestaush “of” yahoo.com): Build F Brest, F Marseilles..Has F Brest, A Burgundy,

F Marseilles, A Portugal, F Spain(sc).

Germany (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Build A Munich..Has F Denmark, A Kiel, A Munich,

A Ruhr.

Italy (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): Build F Naples..Has F Naples, F Ionian Sea, A Tunis,

A Venice.

Russia (Jack McHugh – jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): Build A Warsaw..Has A Galicia, F Sevastopol,

F Sweden, A Ukraine, A Warsaw.

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): Build F Smyrna..Has F Ankara, A Bulgaria,

A Constantinople, F Smyrna.

Spring 02 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

Everybody Plays Diplomacy “Dandelion” 2010Cvj08, W 01/S 02

Player Names or Handles will be shown for any power they commanded each season.

Remember, in some seasons if we get enough players you may not wind up commanding any nations. All press submitted will be printed.

Austria (Paraic Reddington): Build A Budapest.. A Albania – Trieste,

A Budapest Supports A Serbia – Rumania, A Serbia – Rumania, A Venice Supports A Albania - Trieste.

England (Tom Howell): Build F London.. F London - English Channel (*Bounce*),

F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), F North Sea – Holland, F Norway Hold.

France (Dave McCrumb): Build A Paris, plays 1 short.. F Brest - English Channel (*Bounce*),

A Munich - Kiel (*Bounce*), A Paris – Burgundy, F Spain(sc) - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*).

Germany (Tom Howell): A Denmark - Kiel (*Bounce*), A Prussia – Berlin, A Silesia - Munich (*Fails*).

Italy (Jack McHugh): Build F Rome.. F Ionian Sea - Eastern Mediterranean, F Rome - Gulf of Lyon (*Fails*),

~~F Trieste - Venice~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Adriatic Sea or OTB), F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea.

Russia (Phil Murphy): Build A Sevastopol, F St Petersburg(sc).. A Moscow Supports A Warsaw,

~~F Rumania - Black Sea~~ (*Disbanded*), A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*), F St Petersburg(sc) – Livonia,

F Sweden - Baltic Sea, A Warsaw Hold.

Turkey (Dave McCrumb): Build A Smyrna, F Ankara.. F Ankara Supports F Constantinople - Black Sea,

F Bulgaria(sc) Supports F Greece - Aegean Sea, F Constantinople - Black Sea, F Greece - Aegean Sea,

A Smyrna - Armenia.

F 02 Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Italy Must Die to Italy Must Win: the dateline says it all.

board -> France: We're going to pay attention to you whilst you work on Italy.

Italy -> Germany: That was France, silly boy!

By Popular Demand

Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!

Round 8 Categories

1. A type of wine other than Merlot.

2. A nation where Spanish is the primary language.

3. A human organ.

4. Something people collect.

5. Any cable television network.

Congrats to Michael Moulton and Dane Maslen for getting 90 out of a possible 93!

Selected Comments By Category:

Wine – Rick Desper “Because all I know about wine I learned from watching Sideways.” Marc Ellinger “The true nectar of the gods!” Kevin Wilson “I wonder if a red like a cab or something will be more popular since the one you mention is a red?” Paraic Reddington “It will be interesting to see the breakdown of grapes chosen here.” Dane Maslen “Number 1 presents a real problem: the excluded answer is one that I wouldn't have thought of anyway, which rather suggests that being a European who doesn't drink wine is going to make finding a sensible answer difficult.” Marc Ellinger “I hate it personally, but it is SO popular. Give me a good Cabernet Sauvignon any day and twice on Sunday…oh wait, it is Sunday, time for a refill!!”

Nation – Kevin Wilson “I guess Mexico, being our neighbor to the south, will be popular too but it's got to be Spain.” Paraic Reddington “Surely you won’t allow Mexico to win this!” Kevin Tighe “Why would anybody not say Spain?” Dane Maslen “OK, I know you guys will probably plump for Mexico for number 2, but I refuse to avoid what is, for me, the obvious answer.” Marc Ellinger “Nowhere makes better Rioja than Spain…I think that means red…right? So I guess any Spanish speaking country could make Rioja?”

Organ – Rick Desper “A human organ? As opposed to...? I guess that rules out "gills". Is there a chance in hell that the top scorer won't be a sexual organ?” Paraic Reddington “If this were Jack’s version this could be an interesting one!” Kevin Tighe “I believe the heart is the only organ that can break.” Marc Ellinger “Rioja (Red) Wine is good for the heart. A couple of glasses a day always helps!” Phil Murphy “Heart - Just remember - a Time Lord has two of them. Double the love, ladies!”

Collect – . Rick Desper “People collect coins. No - stamps. Arrgh into the Gorge of Eternal Peril with me.” Marc Ellinger “Could be coins, baseball cards, god people actually collect snot, don’t they?” Kevin Wilson “Too many choices here. I have a comic collection and a few boxes of books and of course games. My wife likes Candlewick and crystal.” Marc Ellinger “I prefer wine! Not only do you get to collect but you get to enjoy…what could be better!”

Cable – Kevin Wilson “Again, lots to choose from but it's NCAA season so ESPN it is.” Kevin Tighe “I don’t have cable. I‘m only aware of CNN, FOX, and MTV as other choices.” Marc Ellinger “With opening day this week and the Final Four also, time to enjoy a glass of wine and some sports! Cheers!!” Phil Murphy “I'm fuming at not being able to watch Game of Thrones when it comes out in April unless I sign up for Sky Atlantic... grrrr.”

Round 9 Categories – Deadline is April 26th at 7:00am my time

1. A former baseball player whose baseball cards are highly sought after.

2. A brand of cigar.

3. Something you put on a cracker.

4. A constellation.

5. A song with “Night” in the title.

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves. The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate quotes. Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common. The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2^nd place gets 2 points, and 3^rd place gets 1 point. In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points). High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated). If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2^nd and maybe even 3^rd place overall too. Quotes may contain more than one person speaking (in other words, part of a scene with more than one character talking). In those instances, quotes will separate the characters speaking. I also plan on making the 10^th round worth double points.

Round Six

#1. My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife and his shoes. The War of the Roses, Correct - JM. Catch Me If You Can – KT.

#2. Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? As Good as it Gets, Correct – PR, JM. JB.

#3. Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and eighty-seven ones. Big, Correct – PR, KT.

#4. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. Say Anything, Correct – HT, KT.

#5. I want us to get married. I want us to have children together. I want us to put our teeth in the same cup. Starting Over.

#6. I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath. Jerry Maguire, Correct – PR, JM, JB. Thelma and Louise – KT.

#7. I think we have the kind of friendship where if I were the devil, you'd be the only one I would tell. Broadcast News, Correct - JM.

#8. You don't give a 500 dollar tip to the housekeeper! That's inappropriate! That's inexcusable! Bottle Rocket, Correct - HT. Maid in Manhattan – PR.

#9. Let me quote myself. One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is is three or four big days that change everything. Riding in Cars With Boys. American Beauty – RD. City Slickers – KT.

#10. I'm thinking about my identity, and not having one anymore. I mean, who am I, if I'm not the man who's failing Emma? Terms of Endearment, Correct - JB. Emma – PR. Being John Malkovich – KT.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common? All Produced by James L. Brooks. Films With Narration – RD. All received a Best Actor nomination – PR. Love stories or failed love stories – JM. Chick Flicks – DM. About leaving home – KT.

Points This Round – Jack McHugh [JM] – 4; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 3; Jim Burgess [JB] – 3; Heather Taylor [HT] – 2; Kevin Tighe [KT] – 2; David McCrumb [DM] – 0.

Total Game Points: Jim Burgess – 15; Jack McHugh – 8; Kevin Tighe – 7; Paraic Reddington – 7; Rick Desper – 4; Heather Taylor - 1.

Round Seven

#1. The first time he spoke to me... I shall never forget his words. I remember it like it was yesterday. He leaned across the table, he looked me straight in the eye, and he said "Aubrey... may I trouble you for the salt?"

#2. It must be getting near tea-time, leastways in decent places where there *is* still tea-time.

#3. In 1971, after the breakup of the Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where she started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell: the Three Wisemen's Sex Emporium.

#4. Plans are pointless. Staying alive is as good as it gets.

#5. People always look down their noses at hookers. Never give you a chance, because they think you took the easy way out, when no one could imagine the willpower it took to do what we do.

#6. I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy.

#7. If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.

#8. What we have lost will never be returned to us. The land will not heal - too much blood.

#9. Yes, honey. The schmuck, who deserves to die, worries about you. Sometimes worrying about you feels like a full-time job.

#10. I can't keep going like this. The insemination, the child. It's like we're trying to put a Band-Aid on something that's just been bled dry.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?

Deadline for your answers to Round 7 is April 26th 7:00am my time

General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:

April 26th, 2011 at 7:00am my time.

See You Then!